I'm BAME and my mental health is going to pot

[asmallplace]

I cry myself to sleep at night. I can't stop thinking about my black family in America who I worry about. I feel torn re my feelings about the protests. I can't handle the sheer number of comments using whataboutery and 'all lives matter' our 'well if black peoples just complied with the police'. I feel unwell. I can't listen to the news. I have to listen to my all white colleagues give their verging on racist opinions every day but feel powerless to say anything. I just feel ill. I feel overwhelmed. I'm so tired. Are there any other BAME people on here who feel the same? How are you coping?

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

Not BAME but many friends in the same boat

The short term and immediate thing is to come off social media immediately?
You have seen it all now
Then second thing is to consider having a few gentle days , and be very VERY kind to yourself . If that’s some time off work , take
It

How one handles the arseholes is another question, but if you can take some proactive actions to soothe your mind ?

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Ok so here's the thing about the internet. It's nasty and ugly. Its misogynist and racist and anti Semitic and homophobic. This is in the spotlight at the moment and it's making people think. Some people do not like to think. But it's also creating change, which is fantastic. Think about Harvey Weinstein and me too. That was fucking horrendous.

But as far as this goes 99.99% of white people simply do not think that way. It's only a few mouthy pricks online or maybe IRL and even then they don't actually think that they are just showing off.

I can completely imagine how this could be frightening and depressing, but the storm you are seeing online and with these protests is not real life.

There are, unfortunately backward stupid people in the UK, of all races. But this reminds me of the Labour Party anti Semitic storm. I knew a lot of Jewish people who were very uncomfortable and felt very unsafe.

For whatever reason though we have advanced as a society the arseholes seem to get the airtime - but they would be arseholes no matter what their cause of the day was. Things will change as a result of this - they are already. So don't back down and don't stop saying it.

As for the Romany gipsy.. that's a fucking cheek isn't is? Jesus.

[FTMF30]

Hi OP,

I feel you. It's great to see so many posts in support of you and I'm grateful you have expressed yourself hear.
Sadly this forum is rife with racists, so could be of both anguish and solace. I have no solution but just want to let you know I hear you.
Don't feel responsible for not talking about racism all the time. It's draining. Look after yourself and indulge in some escapism with a good book or box set. It may be putting a tiny plaster on a massive wound, but I think constantly being faced with any kind of racism is draining. 💐

[MamaLion1319]

Also struggling. Mixed raced here. Have split from my partner (Romany gypsy) after his views on the matter. He has a post on fb that has gone viral and the comments are disgusting. Like "saw a black man in tescos with a basket full of bananas...."
Have heard about Britain First terrorising protesters, which seems to be planned for all future BLM matters. Which is unreported by the press and BLM villafied.
Sick of people saying it's only the US when we all know that's not the case, also having suffered brutality and had a cousin die in custody.
Furious at covert racism by Boris "thuggery" comments.
Furious at people staring George Floyd was a criminal.
Furious at people posting pictures of a little blonde girl saying no one rioted for her.
And scared, by the confidence of people making racist or veiled racist comments. Scared that we truly do not know who holds these views about us and that we could be segregated more than ever.

[maggiethecat]

BAME here. It is exhausting. But how else can it be if we are to have the honest conversations and self examination that's required to start to make changes. I think we do need to be realistic and not think that change will be sudden and dramatic. It will be a long road and unfortunately we will be having these conversations for a long time yet. However, I hope that conversations will not be driven by another brutal police murder but rather by people wanting to challenge themselves to do better.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Jesus fucking Christ. It's disgusting that you are made to feel this way. Just vile. I don't know who these total and utter fuckwits are but I don't know one single person who would say or think anything even remotely like that.

Here's my advice. It is possible to be entirely oblivious to most of the ridiculous shit in the news. I don't watch the tv news. I don't read Facebook news. I read the times, and even then mostly magazine or style. Or the guardian but not the news. It's all too depressing. Just switch off now. All of it. Watch comedy. Read books. Do yoga or joe wicks or whatever you like sports wise. Ring your friends. Meet your friends in the park. Be totally ignorant on current affairs. It's very freeing.

I also think that this is affecting you to the point where you're seeing things that might not be happening - and I say that as someone who has had awful depression in the past. Depression is just constant shame, thinking everyone is judging you and stress at the news (which is always dreadful).

Coronavirus is stressing the world out - to have this on top is just too much. But please take it from someone who would have heard people saying these things if they thought them - I never hear or see anyone doing this. Mind you I don't actually know any morons.

It's like the telegraph. Great women's section but the comments from men were so foul I had to stop reading it. And I feel much better for it. People are beastly. The only way around it is to create your own little bubble of decent, smart people who support you and who you like being around.

[Allinadaystwerk]

I feel extremely anxious too. Fearful exposed and unable to switch off. I want to but feel bad for wanting to. I fully support BLM. but seeing the hatred and resistance to change so blatantly emerging as well as the copious amounts of videos depicting abuse from police towards black people, watching George floyd beg for his life for 9 minutes and die while no one felt able to help was mortifying. I have not slept well since. But this is the first time I have expressed these feelings. Thanks for opening the door op. Hope you feel better soon. Hope we all do

[hugefanofcheese]

I can't say I understand how unsettling this must be for you OP but two things: 1) never feel guilty for needing to switch off, regroup and focus on yourself at times. your mental health is so important. 2) although the current situation is quite scary, I honestly believe that a lot of good will come of the activism that is happening right now. Even in small ways, people will start to think twice about their actions and motives and feel more supported in challenging bad behaviour. I feel we might just be moving in the right direction and more people want to be part of the fight against racism.

[GingerScallop]

OP sadly I understand how you feel. Don't feel guilty for withdrawing. A few years ago, I withdrew from reading some seriously good books on race. It got too much. I am relatively new to MN and thought it would be a, let's say, more enlightened place but that hasn't been my experience. A few days ago I read and even commented on the "Do they know it's Christmas" song thread but have found the discussion tough. Am African but any discussion of the negative effects such narratives have had on Africas or at least some of us is dismissed. We are told, well let's stop charity then. Not even how can we (all) do better? It's like the "if you don't like it, go back to Africa then" response. Today trying to read an update my heart rate actually went haywire. So am choosing to take care of myself. It's not wrong. Please shut out as much as you can and focus on you.

[CanWeComeIntoTheOutNow]

I am trying to be an ally. I'm challenging friends and family who seem to be missing the point, I'm trying to educate myself, I'm teaching my children as best I can so they will grow up to be better than me and my generation.

It seems like so many of the black posters in here feel alone in the face of racism and hatred and I hate that. I hope there is some comfort in allyship. I hope this is the darkness before the dawn. Please take care of yourself. You matter.

[MidnightJen]

I feel exactly the same as OP and many others on this thread.
Thank you for starting this thread.

I use to enjoying MN but the last few weeks have been shocking and I haven't felt welcome at all.

I rarely post and joined in 2011 (changed username a few times)

[Terralee]

Thinking of you all xx

[Sparklesocks]

Solidarity OP

[Ithoughtiwastheonlyone]

of*

[Ithoughtiwastheonlyone]

OP, I feel EXACTLY the same! I've switched off from the world; social media, especially.

I don't watch the news anymore, and I surround myself by those who love me (albeit by telephone).

I, too, have family in America. I pray for them each night. Matter if fact, I pray for the WORLD each night. You are not alone x

[Throckmorton]

I wish I could do more. I'm white and I'm doing my best to make myself more aware of what BAME people face. I am absolutely appalled at the attitudes I have seen on social media of late. I cannot think of a single thing I can say that would make any difference to what you are going through, but hugs. And as with all battles, you do not have to personally be at the front line of every single one if it costs you your mental health.

[Tappering]

I have been genuinely shocked and appalled by the racism on here over the last few days.

I've been on MN, under different profiles, since 2010. There has always been a racist contingent - I remember one poster (whose name escapes me now) who was an overt BNP supporter. She was not allowed to namechange and MNHQ kept a close eye on the content of her posts.

But the recent thread on racism and white involvement was horrendous. I was completely floored by posters insisting that they weren't racist despite using racist tropes and stereotypes. Or claiming that they knew what it was like because they'd once been in a white minority where discrimination had occurred, and that this was on a par with black experiences. Racists dog-whistles like 'all lives matter' etc.

It was a real shock. And once you've seen it - it's everywhere. Even in one of the protests yesterday.

A white protester holding up a placard saying 'BLM, queer lives matter, trans lives matter'. Missing the point completely - why does black lives as a cause not deserve to stand on its own, even at a BLM fucking protest? This is not a pro/anti-trans point BTW, but bloody hell if you can't even centre black experience at a black protest its no wonder black people are fed up and exhausted.

[Strawberyyumyum]

@asmallplace

I cry myself to sleep at night. I can't stop thinking about my black family in America who I worry about. I feel torn re my feelings about the protests. I can't handle the sheer number of comments using whataboutery and 'all lives matter' our 'well if black peoples just complied with the police'. I feel unwell. I can't listen to the news. I have to listen to my all white colleagues give their verging on racist opinions every day but feel powerless to say anything. I just feel ill. I feel overwhelmed. I'm so tired. Are there any other BAME people on here who feel the same? How are you coping?

Ive not read the thread but just wanted to respond to your intial post. I feel for you.My heart breaks for you. I am struggling too. Im not black but of an ethhnic minority. During the pandemic I have had to go to work . I am not a key worker but my employers have made us but we are socially distancing. Covid has brought its own assault on everyones mental health.
Stick into the mix having to deal in my case with a boss walking around shouting "All lives matter.!!" When you are the one of the only BAME employees there. That "people wouldnt be stopped by police if they were'nt doing anything.wrong" "i want to see the stats"." it must be so difficult for the police in America " " Those US communities where the police have to go with guns are high crime areas "
I responded a few times. I'm the one who comes home angry. No-one else not my boss, not my collegues. Im the one who is angry and has to go the toilet to calm down. My mental health is not good. Overwhelmed and exahusted too. Hugs to you asmallplace x x

[spinthebottle]

@NoSexPleaseWeAreInAPandemic

A second pandemic for black people is a really good way to put it. I am stressed, angry and upset beyond belief. I have promised myself that tomorrow will be a day off my phone and I’m laid here at 2.30 am still awake thinking about things like I have for the past week. The injustice that I feel. I’m so upset with myself I haven’t called things out sooner. Onwards and upwards. We will get through this.

[Notyourmumma]

OP I'm mixed race and am right now feeling very low myself, for the past week I have been non stop pulling people up on what they're posting on social media and have had so many ignorant messages with definite racial undertones, that I've decided to take a break for my own sanity

It got ap much that I wasn't even going to write this comment, but please if you're feeling that down remove yourself and try as hard as you can not to watch TV as I believe it is showing black people in a bad light.
Stay close to your family and stay safe.

[pinkstinks]

Maybe reach out to Black minds matter they have raised a phenomenal amount in the last few days and are offering free counselling

uk.gofundme.com/f/black-minds-matter-uk/donations

[NewtonPulsifer]

I’m so sorry. 2020 is an exhausting year. Self care and self compassion are essential. I hope this is a turning point in the world. There are millions of good people out there, stay away from those who drain our mental health.

[NoSexPleaseWeAreInAPandemic]

I am Black too and feel exactly the same OP.

You are not alone

And now I believe I have somehow channelled the stress and anxiety, upset and anger over this into a physical health problem- I keep throwing up from anxiety.

I feel guilty for wanting to switch off too, but I know I should have no guilt and neither should you. I have deactivated my social media as I was obsessively checking and researching every murder, every act of brutality, every bullying video of the cops against protestors. But there are plenty of people who can keep the ball rolling for us in our absence. Take as long as you need, like I am.

A fellow Black friend told me that it feels like a second pandemic for Black people, and I couldn't agree more m

[squirrelslikenuts]

Thanks for raising the emotional stress impact. Which is nothing in the scheme of things, but we feel the on - going frustration & painful emotions that the continued unfairness & inequalities that do exist overtly & covertly all over the world

Third try to post.
Stay well & pace yourself.

[asmallplace]

@saveeno I didn't gang up on you. I just gave you my opinion. One person can't gang up on another person. I appreciate people may have a different opinion to me. Another poster agrees with you and I respect their opinion. I just don't agree with it. It's bizarre in my opinion to compare white to BAME. Why would white people within the UK need an acronym?

Anyway. I think I'm signing off for tonight. This thread has been helpful