AIBU to not want to go for a social distancing walk with a friend and her children

[Pombeary1]

Dilemma! My friend, who lives on the road as me suggested to go for a social distancing walk with both our children. I said yes initially as she’s a widow and gets no help and one of her daughter is in the same class as mine. Beside we live in the countryside where you barely see anyone while walking. However, she later told me that she’s sending her daughter ( in year 5) back to school as she’s becoming restless and emotional at home during the lockdown. I understand and sympathies their circumstances. They have had a rough year (the girls dad died unexpectedly 8 months ago) so perhaps being school gives her daughter something to look forward too. Anyway, the girls had a zoom class lesson this morning and my daughter told me that she saw my friends daughter was sitting right next to another girl (close friend)no social distancing whatsoever! That girls mum and dad are working in the hospital and mum is front line! I am not sure if I want to go for a walk with my friend now because her daughter is becoming more at risk at catching Covid 19! AIBU to not going for a walk with them??

[PineappleUpsideDownCake]

DontStand have you read the thread? Its not disgustig, she said she would go.

[DontStandSoCloseToMe]

Disgusting. It's ok for keyworkers to work their backsides of, exhaust themselves and risk their own health and mental well-being, but good forbid we come anywhere near you and yours. Would be a different story of you needed medical care I assume.

[PineappleUpsideDownCake]

We're only meeting up with people who can distance, so so far its been older children or single children.

I'm happy for it to sometimes be 1.5m or similar when running as it is in some countries and we're outdoors. But we haven't met up with people who cant distance. I haven't worked out how we will say no to those people...

[BogRollBOGOF]

The risks are very minimal and in quite a removed chain of transmission. Plus it's a low risk outdoor space.

Children NEED to socialise, especially a child coping with the recent trauma of losing her dad and the disruption of months of pandemic.

On the couple of occasions my children have seen others since 20th March, I have encouraged them not to touch others, but not rigourously enforced 2m. They need to be allowed to be children and have sacrificed so much already so I'm not going to force unnatural interactions upon them and then have to retrain a child with ASD how to interact in a real "normal" way again and risk him developing long-lasting social phobias long after Covid fades from the headlines.

[nothingcomestonothing]

I'm not a statistician but the risk to your or your DC from a SD outdoor walk with a kid who sat next to a kid whose parents are NHS must be so minuscule as to be non existent.

At least NHS are provided with PPE and trained how to don and doff it properly, and I'm sure they have no wish to bring the virus home to their DC any more than you have to catch it.

I'd hate to think I or my DC would be treated like lepers because I'm NHS and have been working in the hospital throughout, let alone a kid who sat next to my kid being avoided as too risky!

Maybe time to consider how to ease yourself and DC out of panic mode, coronavirus isn't going anywhere and I'm really getting worried about the skewed ideas of risk which are around at the moment.

[Noextremes2017]

You need to make a proper assessment of risk. You seem extremely over-cautious.

[ilovesooty]

I'm glad you've decided to go.

[CodenameVillanelle]

If you aren't particularly vulnerable then there is no reason for you not to go.

[DamnYankee]

YANBU to decline an invitation for any reason YABU to think that going on a socially distanced walk will place you or your children at risk

^ That sums it up nicely.

[AlwaysAnotherName]

Personally, I would go- unless I or anyone you live with/care for was high risk.
Obviously, the choice is yours.

[ChasingRainbows19]

You can choose what you want to do but I think you are being unreasonable and unfair to your friend.

Seem to be reading the odd thread on here that is treating keyworkers and their children as outcasts. As an NHS professional who has worked throughout this tough time it reallysaddens me.

Keyworkers don't seem to be 'heroes' (not by phrasing by the way) but now almost leper's and people to be kept away from socially. More for the kids than anything. You can guarantee some will be bullied due to parents reactions of keyworkers. It's ridiculous. We wear PPE and practice good hygiene. There will be a hell of a lot of people to avoid: supermarket workers, delivery drivers, council workers, nhs staff and carers to name but a few.

This virus will still be around when everyone is back to work or the children back to school full time. Maybe not as widespread but who knows really what will happen? Good hygiene is the key. Social distancing will decrease to 1m soon.

Children don't socially distance in their bubbles or so I'm told from school staff friends that I have. It may be different in some schools though. That would be more damaging to them than the virus in most cases.

[Dunking]

I'm shielding and I would do this for sure.

[Pumpkinpie1]

I’m adverse risk & don’t apologise for it.
Husband has suppressed immune system,lifetime tablets after cancer & younger d is disabled & lives to hug .
I think people can be judgemental but my family wellbeing matters too much

[incognitomum]

Good choice OP. She must feel terrible and you'll be helping

[HildegardeCrowe]

You are being totally risk-averse. It’s time for us to start moving towards getting back to a normal life. I fear we never will because of attitudes like yours.

[ifonly4]

Social distancing is still 2m apart. If you can go for a walk, perhaps the two girls in front where you can see them, and keep you're distance, it should be ok.

[CoronaMoaner]

I’m assuming no one in your household is returning to school, nursery, work or goes to the supermarket?
Tbh I think your being a bit silly and as long as you ensure your child distances from the other family during the walk, there is no increased risk to you. Especially given you’ll be outside the entire time.

[Pombeary1]

Thanks for all the comments. It’s good to listen to different opinions and see things at different perspectives. I read my post I did think perhaps I was being OTT. I think I will still go but ask the children to be more mindful in SD. Thanks folks

[incognitomum]

I think YANBU to be worried.

But I think you need to empathise more with your neighbour. She's crying out for face to face company.

[GetOutOfThereHoggle]

I understand your concern and I think it mainly centres on the fact that the kids might not SD. I've been very careful (I still wash down shopping and quarantine post) but I would maybe give it a go for a short walk and explain to your friend that you need to make sure the kids SD. I think at the min there are a lot of judgemental people on both sides of the fence (some friends of mine have been vilified for sending their R kids back to school whilst I have been laughed at for washing down milk bottles). No one is "right" or "wrong"... apart from those who are ridiculing others and making them feel like shit as they find their own way out of lockdown. I'm so sick of the "you're mental" comments I've seen on social media, and on here, it's disgusting.
That aside, speaking as someone who is most definitely tip toeing out of lockdown, I think I would go. Just explain first that you need to SD. Your friend should understand and your kids sound old enough to understand. Make it a short walk, countryside is ideal, and keep an eye on the kids to make sure they SD which will help ease your nerves. I do think the risk is very small and you will probably end up enjoying the company and the walk. Let us know what you decide. Either way YANBU. Everyone has a different situation/thought processes and people should respect that not everyone will want to be doing the same as them as lockdown eases etc xx

[Euclid]

If you maintain social distancing, the walk is no risk. That is the whole point of social distancing.
I too am a widow and it is awful and even worse during this lockdown. It would be good for your friend to have a walk with an adult.

[Swishswish26]

I would go. The risk of catching it on a socially distanced walk is so negligible. If it was that easy to get Covid then surely we would all have had it by now.

[HollysBush]

YANU to not WANT to go for a walk but your girls are old enough to keep their distance with your supervision and it could really give your friend a boost. It’s normal to feel a bit anxious. Must have been awful for her to have lost her dh so recently and be stuck at home full of memories.

[Juanmorebeer]

Also if your neighbour is reaching out and she is a single parent maybe it would be nice of you to offer to go join her in her garden or driveway for a drink and a chat one evening? It must be really hard for her.

[Juanmorebeer]

If you don't want to go for a walk then of course you don't have to, ever.

However OP, are you a very anxious person generally? If so are you getting any help for it because your reaction is really OTT.

I think this opinion as well is quite dangerous in terms of socialisation for children and adults to spread this 'dirty' mentality that some children are more contaminated than others and therefore you need to KEEP AWAY FROM THE LEPER.

It may help you to have a read of some statistics so you can try and realise the actual risks as you seem to be in panic mode currently.