To ask how you feel about your step parents?

[RedCarBluePlane]

Exactly that, especially if you were young when they came into your life. Does it make a difference if your own father/mother was also around? Like if you had a father and a step-father or mother and a step-mother. What if your biological father hated your step-father? Or your mother hated your step-mother? Did that impact your relationship with your step-parent?

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

I've had a step dad since the age of 17. The first 5 years were difficult but he was 'the other man'. We get on really well now, mainly because I found out he had no idea about my Dad and thought my Mum was single. He's a great man and I see him as a second Dad.

My Dad has a new partner (around a year) and I also get on really well with her.

[moolady1977]

My first dsf from me being 4-24 was my daddy he died while I was expecting my dd he brought me up we went out with him in the lorries he drove I was a total daddies girl my second sf I get the on with but not like the first . I have a step mother who I first met when I was 27 her and the biological father had 3 c but she hated me , I have 2 dsd and hope they can say I treat them no different to how i treat my own dc

[NotMyCircusNotMyProblem]

My DM passed away following a long illness. I was 12. DF introduced his new girlfriend to my sister and I a few months later. It was rumoured that he'd been seeing her while DM was ill, but I can't categorically say this is true. Anyway, he married her when I was 13 and she became my stepmother.

We didn't get on. I disliked her and she hated me. She told me from the beginning, that she'd married my father because she loved him. She had not married him to play mum to me and my sister.

I broached the subject to my DF and he told me that although he would always provide for me financially (while I was a child), I would grow up and move away - have my own life. He would therefore be left alone and wanted stepmother for company. I was basically told put up and shut up.

It was quite a stark statement to hear at 13 but, I knuckled down and got on with it.

Looking for the positives - well I guess it made me very independent and very street wise. I looked after myself and my elder sister who wasn't as tough as me.

Both my DF and stepmother have passed away now. I attended their funerals but didn't shed any tears for my stepmother.

[HoldMyLobster]

I gained a stepmum and stepdad when I was a young child, so to me that was just how families were. They're equal to my parents in terms of having raised me, shaped me, taken responsibility for me, supported me.

That doesn't mean I necessarily always got on with them, but then I didn't always get on with my bio parents either.

They've trodden a difficult path and done their best.

I'm now 50 and appreciate them enormously and love them dearly.

[delilahbucket]

Forgot to add, I have a step dad. They married 8 years ago. I get on well with him, but like my mum, he battles with mental health, and as such he is kept at arms length too. He's a lovely man and good for my mum.

[delilahbucket]

I am very close to my step mum, far more than my mum. She came into my life when I was 3 and as a teen we didn't get on. My mum painted her and my dad as awful people throughout my entire childhood and I believed her. Over 30 years later my mum is still harping on about the same bitterness, and I've heard both sides of the story. My mum isn't very maternal and suffers with her mental health, sometimes it is really bad, and as she leans on me so much, I've stepped back from our relationship.
My step mum is my go to in a crisis or to share good news. She was the first person I wanted to meet for a walk when the rules were relaxed, closely followed by my dad the next day.

[gumball37]

No.

But I had step grandparents.
My birth mom's stepdad was my mom's (aunt) biofather. My BM was "slow" but he completely accepted her as his. She died when I was 4 and he was devastated. My mom told me it was the only time she ever saw him cry... And that includes losing my grandmother 2 months later. My dad was never around, so he was like a dad to me. And again to my son whose father also isn't involved. Losing him was awful.

My step grandmother was also a great person. (Her and my mom died a month apart 30 years after my BM and grandmother)

Not that this is what you asked... But at 37... I lost the last adult family member I was close to. I have an aunt and uncle (each a full sibling to one of my moms) but theyre...how do I word this.... Less adult than me? Less responsible. Neither are people I could go to for any type of support. I'm the one who is left to support them.

[Picklypickles]

I have a "stepdad" but I call him by his name, as do my children. It's been a complicated relationship I guess, he had an affair with my mum when she was still with my dad and I was just a baby. At some point, I can't remember how old I was stepdad became abusive to me, used to keep giving me back-handers around the side of the head all the time or grabbing me hold by the scruff of my neck and screaming in my face. It got to the point where my nan noticed I was flinching every time she or anyone else raised a hand suddenly, she started to keep an eye on me and one day caught him at it after he forgot to collect from school one day and I walked home with my neighbour and her mum, nan was looking after my little brothers in my house at the time, when stepdad came home he flew upstairs in a rage and punched me in the stomach before picking me up and throwing me clean over my bed, I was 7. My nan told my uncle, he punched my stepdad. Nan and uncle were subsequently banished from our lives for nearly a year. Stepdad tried to contain his abusive nature after that, no more punches or being thrown about but he was still nasty to me and the abuse got slier and more subtle. He's still married to my mum and I still don't like him or trust him at all but I tolerate him for the sake of my mum and 2 half brothers.

My dad remarried when I was 11, his wife came across as very nice for the first few years and we got on well but as the years went by she became increasingly jealous of my dad spending any time or attention on anyone who wasn't her, started hiding away in her bedroom when I came over, sulking all the time, making spiteful little digs about my nans cooking if we went there for sunday lunch etc. When I was 17 dad and his wife went travelling for 18 months, my dad asked me to come and join them in Australia for a 3 week holiday after I'd finished my A Levels and her behaviour was appalling when I turned up, the final straw being her telling me gleefully that she and dad would be moving permanently to Australia - which turned out not to be something they'd actually agreed on. Anyway, they came back from their dream holiday seperately to each other and promptly got divorced!

So its pretty safe to say I haven't had the best experiences of step parents!

[Ducklingfarm]

My step dad came when I was 18 I'm early 30s now and I love him to bits always have done, hes done so much for me and my partner, helps decorating, or any work around our house etc loves my kids and they call him grandad they call my actual dad mums dad and we hardly see him, my step dad is a much better dad than my dad despite being a young adult when I first met him.

[Windyatthebeach]

My df remarried when I was about 7.
I was the only dc in his family not invited.
Things never improved. Sm resented me terribly.
Df didn't really see me until teens. He met me from school, we went to the bakers to get me a pasty. Sm wouldn't allow me a plate or a drink. Df didn't argue.
Things improved slightly until I stayed for a home cooked meal.
I had a baby very young. Df was fine. Sm was too. Until she reached 40 and decided she wasn't a real dgm and dumped us all. Df followed suit sadly.
Haven't seen him for over 20 years. He has no idea how many dgc he has...
Never will

[Hidingtonothing]

I had a step dad from very young, no contact with my real dad. He's an arse tbh but I can see he did his best and suppose I (grudgingly) love him for it. Still think he isn't really good enough for my mum (with good reason) but I do appreciate that he made sacrifices too and that it's not easy raising someone else's kids.

I'm also a step mum of almost 20 years myself, DSC were 4 and 2 when I met DH. They have a mum and a step dad too and the four of us have done a half decent job of getting along for their sake. Being a step parent has definitely made me appreciate my step dad's position more, I still don't like him as a person but I do at least respect what he did for us now.

[M0nstermunch]

I had 1 stepdad at 10, he was ok but no strong feelings either way, 1 at 16, he was awful an alcoholic so I couldn't wait to leave home to get away and my 3rd and current at 28, he is nice and the best one but no massive feelings of attachment.

Only the one stepmother at about age 11, who is still married to my dad, she is ok they live 200 miles away though so never been close.

Various step siblings over the years, none who I have keep in contact with though.

[StormBaby]

A few of you have reminded me of my ex husbands longterm girlfriend who tells everyone loudly, in front of all the kids, that she is NOT their stepmum. She even comes along to school meetings etc and does it,which raises a few eyebrows. As far as I'm concerned if kids come as part of the package then they become yours by default. We have a houseful and I love them all the same. My stepkids are spoilt rotten here. 😂 And my bio kids adore my DH and have called him stepdad since we became serious.

[SorryImNotCreative]

My mum met my stepdad when I was 11. I’m now 28. I never had a great relationship with my own dad, and I love my stepdad so much more.

He has been there for me and helped me out much more than my dad ever has. He’s also never really tried to ‘parent’ me, if that makes sense? He’s so laid back and lovely. I feel very lucky.

[JumpingAtJackdaws]

So lovely and refreshing to hear so many posters with great relationships with their step parents.

Sadly, I loath my step-father. He arrived on the scene when I was 15 and mum had raised 4 children alone after dad died. Step father has no children. We were good kids, but he thought he could start disciplining us, throwing his weight around, being the man of the house. He's a bully and a know all. He and my elder brother had a particularly bad relationship which became violent, and my brother left home at 18. We all left as soon as we could and we all loath him.

[Destroyedpeople]

I have a 'srepmother' she made a point
Of telling me age 12 that she wasn't. ...she was just married to my dad which was different. Then she told their new children that they weren't related to me. I was just a weird relative of some kind who turned up from time to time.
My mum got remarried to some guy who also regarded us as some kind of irritating add on.

[Glitterb]

I hated my stepmum for years, she was overbearing and pushy. Then my dad was diagnosed with cancer and she nursed him, and I saw how much they adored each other. we supported each other through the whole thing and I held her hand during the funeral. Ironically she is my last surviving parent now, so things have changed. I am so much like my Dad that she says spending time with me is like having him back, which is nice.

[AgeLikeWine]

My mum re-married when I was a teenager. He is a perfectly nice bloke, we get on fine but he is not and never was my step-father, and I have never referred to him as such.

He is my mother’s husband and I have always called him ‘Tom’.

[HollySideEyes]

I'm very envious but happy for those that had great step parents.

[LikeSilentRaindrops]

Stepmother came into my life at 13. I got on really well with her and couldn’t see what she saw in my dad! But it seemed she was a bit of a ‘rescuer’ and she dropped me when she had her own baby four years later. She seems to build and drop these relationships a lot - she’s a therapist..!

@EmbarrassedUser you’ve reminded me - my SM wanted to know if I was inviting her to our wedding because she was my dad’s wife or because I genuinely wanted a relationship with her as an individual! This was after we hadn’t really spoken for a couple of years. She decided in the end she wouldn’t be able to come and still ‘be authentic to herself’ all a bit weird!

[StormBaby]

My step mum was the most amazing woman in the world, she came in to my life when I was 7 and from that moment on was my idol. She wasn't maternal at all, had no children or desire to, but she taught me everything I know. Every interest I have as an adult stemmed from her guidance. She was glamorous and edgy and punk and absolutely effervescent. I'm a step parent myself and have been for 20 years now, and I often think to myself "what would Patsy do? “.
She died 5 years ago and the world is a much darker place without her in it.

[JagerPlease]

Dad lives abroad, only met his partner twice in the ten or so years they've been together. She was the OW, my mum still doesn't know about her (parents now divorced). She complained about not being invited to my wedding (when I'd only met her once, and see above re: my mum) and periodically complains about the lack of effort I make, despite her never visiting the UK since she's been with my dad and him only meeting nearly 4 year old DS twice. So not great in my experience!

[riotlady]

I love my stepdad and regard him as my proper dad. My mum married him when I was 6 and my sister was born when I was 8. I have a difficult relationship with my mum and she clearly favours my sister over me, but my dad doesn’t.

My relationship with my stepmum is different. I’m fond of her and feel a bit sorry for what she’s been through, but we’re not close. My bio dad was abusive to my mum and had an affair with my stepmum who’s 15 years younger than him. I saw them every other weekend when I was a kid and they fought constantly, I don’t think he treated her well. She was only 21 when they got together and suddenly she had a 4 year old stepkid so I don’t think things were easy for her. I don’t see either of them often now and my dad has taken barely any interest in my daughter.

[Waxonwaxoff0]

I have a stepfather. He came into my life when I was 14 so I didn't really want much parenting then. We did clash, he has no DC of his own so I think he found it difficult suddenly having a stroppy teen around. Our relationship improved when I moved out but we're not especially close.

[VladmirsPoutine]

ex-wife that should say as otherwise I'd totally agree with her!