Annoyed at Midwife

[whattodo202000]

I am not sure if I am being unreasonable but I am annoyed after my midwife appointment today. I have not seen her for about 9 weeks - I last saw her when I was 30 weeks pregnant (she has had a busy schedule which I appreciate) and I am now 39 weeks pregnant. I was hoping to use it as an opportunity to discuss my birth plan, get an idea on how I know if I am in labour, what happens if I go past my due date, etc.

Instead she told me to research these things online (I already have done so and thought that as a midwife she might be able to give me a bit more advice) and refused to go through a birth plan with me and told me I needed to write one up at home and take it with me to hospital. I am a first time mum so not sure what the procedure was but was hoping for a little bit of support. AIBU? I might be, I know there are lots of people in a worse position than me - I was just so disappointed and wonder why she wanted to see me. My appointment lasted about 10 minutes where my blood pressure, weight, and fetal heartbeat was monitored and that was it.

[Wynston]

Do they normally do birth plans so late??
My dc both arrived at 38 weeks.
I dont recall doing a birth plan for dc 8 but I vividly remember doing one with dc2 4-she asked me so many questions and I kept thinking this feels like a disclaimer.
She was asking if I wanted music and how I wanted the lightning. Was it ok for them to break my waters??
I remember telling her I didnt care that I had no expectation on how it would go as my first delivery was super quick and I was just grateful to have made it to the hospital.
Is there anything in particular you wanted to know op......??
Having a midwife placing you're baby on you're chest really is the most incredible feeling. I was in complete shock.....that rush of love didn't come all at once but sort of gradually over time.

[UnderTheBus]

I’ll be honest and say birth plans are kinda pointless anyway.
Knowing your options is not pointless. When they say they want to do a certain procedure, you need to know exactly what you're giving consent for. You need to know what pain relief options are available and what the side effects are. Do you want to go to the midwife unit or labour ward? Do you know what will be available at either location, or what would happen if you need to move from one to the other? At what point should you phone labour ward and what is the procedure? Surely all of that is really important and should be part of antenatal care and birth plan discussion.

I also think it's awful that you havent been seen for 9 weeks in your third trimester. You could have developed pre eclampsia and had no idea, which can be really dangerous. At our trust they are posting urine testing sticks out to women who arent able to attend in person.

[UnderTheBus]

I second the recommendation of the Positive birth book

[MamaGee09]

I never discussed a birth plan with midwife and that was 19 and 17 years ago. Tbh I wouldn’t even think about a birth plan, births can not be planned, take each minute as it comes and that way you won’t be disappointed when everything doesn’t go to plan!

[Feetupteashot]

I'd ring and make another appointment for 40 weeks

[TinyPigeon]

Sweeps are definitely still happening to whoever said that. I gave birth two weeks ago and had three sweeps in total.

Sorry you have had such poor care OP, Yanbu and deserve better. Do ask on here if you have any questions. Best person to discuss birthplan with is your partner since he will need to be advocating for you while it's all happening.

[FourPlasticRings]

My midwife told me to write a birth plan if I wanted one and I think gave me a template (though I may have just printed one from a website, can't really remember) a couple of years ago. I think it's an optional extra rather than something they have to go through with you.

[userabcname]

I've never been through a birth plan with a midwife. I wrote one off the back of my NCT classes with DC1 - when I got to hospital I told the midwife, she laughed and said, "the plan is the baby is delivered safely" and didn't even read it. I didn't bother with dc2.

[PrivateD00r]

OP that is very disappointing. She won't have had time in a busy clinic to discuss it but she could have offered to ring you back when she had time to chat.

To those saying you have never had a mw discuss your birth plan - you should have been offered antenatal education classes, these are not now happening so op is going in totally blind. It is understandable that she would like to ask questions about procedures, who will be allowed in with her, what pain relief is available etc. It isn't the same in every hospital!

OP, I see you are upset you were given an appointment with no input as to whether it suits - this is now standard practice - pregnant women in their 3rd trimester should not be working so it really shouldn't be a drama. We are doing this too in my work and no woman has had a problem with it. What else is there to do, bar going for appointments?? Unfortunately!!! The women at my clinic always tell me they are so excited to just be out, bless them.

Anyway, op please ask on here what you want to know. I am a community midwife and lots of posters also have lots of experience of giving birth, I am sure we can all help

[whattodo202000]

Thanks everyone, I feel much more reassured hearing what you have to say. It also never occurred to me that she only has 10 minutes to see to me.

I suppose I might have misunderstood the birth plan, I thought that when you go into hospital the midwives follow what you asked for in the plan and was a bit worried about turning up with nothing and them just doing what they wanted without asking me. It sounds like they will at least ask you before they do anything. I admit I am very naive about this, never been to hospital before so have no idea what to expect and never given birth before. Thankfully there is a lot online and since I posted here, I found a birth plan template so at least I have an idea what options I have (in an ideal world). I was hoping that she would explain what pain relief options were available (I have found them now on the birth plan template). It is a tough time at the moment for everyone and all Antenatal classes were cancelled so I have not had anything like that to attend (which would have been very helpful). I think I was just a bit surprised as I had it in my head the purpose of my meeting with her was to do the antenatal checks and discuss birth options.

[Raaaa]

I'm kind of in the same boat saw my midwife at booking appointment and that's been in, they've been offering telephone calls in place of the appointments but tbh for me it's pointless as in I've had a baby before so know the literature, I would much prefer to be physically checked but it is what it is.

Do you have a day assessment unit you could go to? I rung up and said I had concerns and they said come in and got a full antenatal check the midwife was really understanding and helpful.

With regard to birth plan I never wrote one and then when I went into hospital the mw asked me some questions and wrote some points down in the box there, there's some info on it on the nhs website I think x

[whattodo202000]

@PrivateD00r I have only just seen your message. I did not mind her booking in another appointment without asking, but it would have been nice for me to tell me what it is for. I got a text message with the new appointment about 3 minutes after I left, just found it a bit odd. Would have been nice for her to say, I am going to book you in for X,Y,Z and will text you with the date/time. As it stands, I have an appointment in 2 weeks but have no idea what it is for. Reading what people are saying, it sounds like it will be for a sweep but I am guessing.

[SwayingInTime]

Do you have handheld notes in the form of a green/ yellow/ purple booklet? There's one in the back of that to fill in with explanations of your options. Or the NHS website birth choices template is good.

Could you afford an online antenatal class? I know it's late but one benefit of the restrictions might be more space on sessions like that?

Try to relax about the plan, I'm a hospital midwife and I love discussing birth preferences and all the different things that might happen

[Bienentrinkwasser]

I’m usually the first to defend midwives (I am one! So usually understand their reasoning or at least appreciate the pressure the might be under!) but she sounds a bit shit tbh.

A birth plan shouldn’t be a definite list of wants but should help the midwife caring for you in labour to understand how best to support you. There is a helpful guideline on the NHS choices website. You will always be asked before you are given any medication or a procedure is undertaken. You won’t be offered interventions like episiotomy, instrumental delivery, caesarian etc. unless they are deemed to be beneficial (or crucial) to you or the baby.

[Sceptre86]

I would complain about the lack of appointments between 30-39 weeks. Yes covid is a concern for the midwife as much as you bit she should be wearing ppe for your appointment and wipe down between each patient. It is not an excuse for poor care. In terms of a birth plan you can get a template online and then have a think about what you would like. For example a water birth with music, or would you prefer it to be quieter if you want to give hypnobirthing a try? What kinds of pain relief would you prefer, do you know which types your hospital offers? Also if you have to have a section be it elective or otherwise would you like music, would you like them to lower the screen so you can see the baby as they lift him/her out? What kind of pain relief would they give you after a section? Most likely you will have to ask for it. The most important thing is to be prepared for the fact that things may not go accordingly to your plan so to be relaxed but informed (definitely about pain relief) so you can argue your case if need be.

Some trusts offer sweeps after 39 weeks others after 40 weeks but you should have at least been told what your trust offers.

Covid-19 isn't an excuse for poor care.

[PrivateD00r]

OP, it will be an AN appointment like the one you just had. Hopefully she will also offer a sweep and get you a date for induction, just in case you need it. I can understand you feel like you don't understand what appts are for given that you really haven't had any! But generally they are all pretty much the same.

I am glad you are feeling a bit better but please do ask away if you have anymore questions. It is so unsettling at the minute for first time mums in particular, with no antenatal classes! The birth plan is not compulsory but I personally advise women to have a read over the information in their notes, it is up to them whether they write anything but it is important to know your options before you go in. Make sure your birth partner knows what you want too as they will be best placed to advocate for you if you are focusing on your labour and unable to communicate your wishes.

[newrubylane]

Have you done any antenatal? I know some private groups are still running online. Despite the lockdown. The one I used definitely is anyway). I fou d the midwives who ran that much more willing to take time to talk about my birth plan with me. My community midwife was lovely but felt quite distant as I was consultant led. I didn't really find the midwives I saw at my hospital appointments much help .

[cushioncovers]

My dc are 22 and 19 and both times the midwives barely glanced at my birth plans. They skimmed through them to make sure there wasn't anything outrageous in them and that was it. The midwives when I gave birth didn't follow it either. I missed the chance to donate cord blood because they didn't bother reading it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ it was really frustrating but I also realised that they were so busy their main objective was to make sure I gave birth as safely as possible.

[GlennRheeismyfavourite]

My trust is also saying no sweeps right now - I wonder if it's different in different area?

[GlennRheeismyfavourite]

In my maternity notes that you take everywhere there is a bit where you fill in your birth plan so it prompts you to make tentative choices on what you want. Check through your notes as there might be a section to fill in.

[GlennRheeismyfavourite]

And my midwife (in hospital during labour) definitely read it as she referred to it several times

[Defaultuser]

I had a similar experience ( 2 years ago so not lockdown related). Didn't see the point of the appointments as could have done the urine test and blood pressure myself. My midwife couldn't answer any of my questions (I had a condition leading to complications and a premature birth which she just kept saying just hope that doesn't happen - it did). On the other hand the midwives and drs in the hospital were fantastic, couldn't rate them highly enough

[QforCucumber]

@TinyPigeon it was me who said it, I was told at my appointment on Tuesday that they arent being offered due to the 'current situation' with ds I had 3 in total (didnt work) been told I wont have any this time around. Due in 11 days. Must be different things in different trusts.

[PrivateD00r]

[quote QforCucumber]@TinyPigeon it was me who said it, I was told at my appointment on Tuesday that they arent being offered due to the 'current situation' with ds I had 3 in total (didnt work) been told I wont have any this time around. Due in 11 days. Must be different things in different trusts.[/quote]
That is such a shame, it seems counterproductive to refuse to do them. The idea is to prevent induction, which would mean a longer hospital stay - which is obviously not what anyone wants right now!

[hammeringinmyhead]

I think it's really poor that you didn't have an appointment between 30 and 39 weeks. I had one at 35 and then 38 - DS hadn't grown so I was booked for a scan, but he then ejected himself at 38+2. In your case they wouldn't have had anything to compare to!

For the person who mentioned a TENS machine - my hospital doesn't provide them so I had to rent one.

My midwife didn't really have time to read my birth plan but she did ask DH about the vit K injection, so worth having something to refer to. I'd written that I preferably wanted a water birth and that was off the table before I even got to the hospital so there is always some going with the flow.