Parents of teens. Do you stay up to make sure they get off their phone?

[HowFurloughCanYouGo]

DS isn't allowed his phone in his room. He would be on there all night.

His phone goes into the living room at 10.30pm

We can't trust him to do this himself because he will give it a good bash but it's 11pm before he knows it, he isn't checking the time.
Plus, he could tell us he always puts it down at 10.30 but how would we know if we are asleep? Do DH or I have to stay up until that time and we are old and tired, get up early for work or a million times to toddler DC.

Are we going about this wrong?

I'm open to suggestions. What does everyone else do?

I could arrange the internet to be switched off at 10.30 but that's annoying for rare nights DH wants to stay up late watching his programme, plus DS will just play on games that don't need internet connection.

[HowFurloughCanYouGo]

@slashlover I understand!

That's brilliant, thanks so much!

[nasalspray]

I never went to bed before mine so if I wanted the phones away I would just take them and keep them in my room. I suppose ultimately if he isn't doing as asked then you need to stay up to enforce it until you can trust him. How old is he?

[slashlover]

The little graph with the usage statistics per hour. There is a tiny bar just before 6am which ties into your pickup time of 5:56am. The nothing from 6am-7am etc. The three highest usage times are 7-8, 9-10 and 12-1. The last bar is the tiny one which represents 10pm-11pm.

[HowFurloughCanYouGo]

But I dont understand how you can tell?

[HowFurloughCanYouGo]

@Hill1991 that's my phone and I put it down at 10pm.

[Hill1991]

Sorry before 11

[Hill1991]

By that it looks like around 11 he put his phone down

[TheSandgroper]

Dd is 14. We have FamilyZone on the Macbook as per school instruction and that is set for 9pm.

The phone and the iPad I remove at about 8.30 on school nights so she gets her sleep. It can be a battle, though. School holidays vaguely 10ish. There is a limit to how much I want others in my house and when, really.

[HowFurloughCanYouGo]

I can see what time I first picked my phone up yesterday but can't see what time I put it down.

[HowFurloughCanYouGo]

@Jeezoh can you tell me how to see what time he put his phone down?

I'm looking at the screen time and it gives a lot of information but I don't know how to see what time the phone was last used the night before.

I think if I can figure that out, that might be the answer we need.

[MoMagic]

[quote HowFurloughCanYouGo]@LockdownMayhem I looked at the google and downloaded it but it won't let me set up a google account for him because he's not under the age of 13. But I can't continue without making him a google account. [/quote]
So make up the dob when you’re setting up a new account! It doesn’t have to be his real dob

[autumnboys]

Our secondary talks a lot about keeping phones at bedtime. They talk about three barriers to learning being social/screens/sleep and how the mobile combines all three.

We made it a condition when they got their phones and it stuck. They both have alarm clocks.

We have been a bit more lax since we went into lock down, but we have continued to get them all up in time for Joe Wicks most mornings. Our 16yo has been okay, but our 14yo, it became clear, was texting into the early hours, so we’ve started to take his at bedtime again. The lack of sleep was making him incredibly surly.

In your shoes I would move the turn-in time earlier so you can go to bed. If you wake up and he’s retrieved it after you went to bed, then the following night it goes in your room and it’s not plugged in. Assuming you pay for it, you make the rules.

[BecomingMe]

I collect my teen dc’s phone when they go to bed at 10pm and charge it on the landing. They have always done it and accept it as they know they would be on it all night otherwise and they need their sleep.

[whereiscaroline]

If you get him an iPhone you can control absolutely everything from your own iPhone. It was easier for me to block the phone altogether from 9pm than keep checking if he has his phone, as sometimes I forgot. This way, he has his phone in his room but it can't be used for anything other than music after 9pm.

[Travelledtheworld]

No, make him leave his phone downstairs at bed time. Some of his "Friends" will still be messaging at 2.30am.

[TheBusDriver]

Just set up screen time on iphone and google family link.

I am amazed people buy these phones/iPads for children and dont set these up. It is controllable and if they want more they can ask for it.

[Snagscardies]

Change his dob and make him a Google account that makes him U13?

I think it's good parenting to set limits whilst still at school, mine have all had limits until they have finished their GCSEs and then they have been allowed to make their own choices, they have better regulation of phone time than their friends who seem scared to go to sleep in case they miss something

[Love51]

@bumblingbovine49
If you take your phone back, it is confiscated for 2 hours the next day.
Don't say in advance that consequences will escalate, it sets up an expectation of non compliance. But know in your own mind:
If that happens, it will be half a day for the next offence.
If it happens again, all day.
If it happens after that, confiscate it for good / replace with a dumbphone.

You probably will need to do the first consequence as he will need to test the boundary.

[Greenvalleymama]

I cut the WiFi at 10pm to all devices except our phones, but screen time and bedtime is an ongoing problem. Interested to hear everyone else's solutions.

[bumblingbovine49]

We have taken to shutting down our entire broadband between midnight and 6am ( good for us too and a compromise so at least he can't use most screens durring those hours)but he just uses his data on his phone I think .We are going to stop paying for that soon if he doesn't stop sneaking it upstairs at night

[Inoneminute]

The phone stays downstairs and DSs are not daft enough to "cheat". They might get away with it once or twice but they known the consequences when they get caught and wouldn't risk it.

You can't micro manage it, you have to trust them and then deal with it if they break the trust.

Actually mine are 17 & 19 and both working FT now so what they do with their phones is their business but this is how we dealt with it until c. 16yo.

[Love51]

Change the rule from 10.30 to 10pm? He'll sleep better if he doesn't go directly from screen time to bed.

[bumblingbovine49]

Looking for.ideas. DS ( 15) has been taking the phone back upstairs in the night and recently I noticed he had left only his vase downstairs!
He has been leaving his phone downstairs at 10.30pm on weekdays since he was 12. He has started to sneak it upstairs constantly in the last 6 months ( started pre lockdown). It is an exhausting fight.

[JoMow]

We use Qustodio, which is a parental app that can easily turn on and off your children's access to the internet. They are 12 and 14 and during school it would normally go off by 8.30 / 9.00 at the very latest. During school hols we allow until 10 pm - as long as they have had some outdoor time and done things that don't involve the screen. They have got so used to the app (lots of complaints initially) that there are barely any arguments anymore about having a break from screen time and they have had the message drummed into them about plenty of sleep for their wellbeing and concentration. The last thing they need at their age particularly is stimulation before bed time. The app cost us £35 for the year and it's been a huge help. The moans and protests at the beginning were worth it in the end! So even if we forget to take their phones out of their bedrooms, it doesn't matter, as they have no access anyway.

[horseymum]

Google family here, still works after age 13. Can set a bedtime but add bonus time if needed. Can see what they have been on each day. I set it at three hours per day but he gets more added if he has run out but is going to phone friends, do swift etc. It normally goes off at 9 pm. I would rarely say no to extra time, it just helps him think about it a bit more .