Maternity

[Mamabear889219]

At the minute all I keep seeing all over Facebook is people complaint and moaning that they are wanting their maternity extending (to a full 12 months with pay) and to be paid for by the government because they've missed out on going to classes (which is apparently what maternity leave is all about)
It can't just be me that thinks this is absolutely ridiculous, it's no one's fault that your maternity leave has happened at the same time as a global pandemic. Nobody can do anything that they 'wanted' to do. We just have to get on with it.

[WoollyMammouth]

Take 3 months unpaid then. We are all struggling, it’s not unique to you.

I am sympathetic to those on maternity leave. Of course it’s not what you expected. I’m worried for my friend who’s a nurse and having to go back but her nursery aren’t opening. She has no idea what she’s going to do.

I’m sure rates of PND have increased but so will have DV, mental health problems and vulnerable children slipping under the radar.

I’m worried for my own children and them adapting to going to school as key worker children. Especially as one of my DC is autistic and likes routine. I’m concerned about my 5 year old going back to school ‘properly’ yet still doing some days as a key worker child. I haven’t even got my head around the logistics of it yet. Do you know how many letters I’ve had from school that I’m trying to get my head around as well as try and explain to a 5 year old who breaks down in tears occasionally because he can’t deal with the constant changes. Not to mention how I get him to school when his older sibling isn’t going on a day I’m not working. I’m worried they aren’t seeing their friends. I’m worried my eldest doesn’t want to go outside.

What about the fact that as a nurse I’m still working. Maybe I’d like three months off?

clothes for the baby now he's outgrown almost everything because no shops have anything in stock- have you ever been in a position where you can't even clothe your child?
I hate to tell you this but children don’t just stop growing after babyhood. Where do you think all of us are getting our children’s clothes and shoes from?

I’m not sympathetic to my fb friends who have posted a picture of their 10 month old wondering what the outside world is like. Well, you’ve had most of your maternity leave so I’m pretty sure they know and you can still go out. Why do you need more time off? If you’ve just had a baby you’ve still got all of your maternity leave.

And what if the situation is still like this in 3 months time (which it will be, CV isn’t going to magically disappear), how many extra three months would you like?


We are all bloody well struggling, try and realise this. Everything is fucked up right now, it’s not exclusive to anyone. Don’t you think we all want time where we aren’t stressed? I know I do.

[peperethecat]

I'm on mat leave, my baby was under a consultant and has had all appointments cancelled, no support for anything, no help, at home unexpectedly with an older child and struggling in all aspects, babys development has been impacted, no childcare for when I need to return, and I can't even buy clothes for the baby now he's outgrown almost everything because no shops have anything in stock- have you ever been in a position where you can't even clothe your child?

Everybody is affected by coronavirus in some way or another.

Why would getting a few extra months' time off paid for by the taxpayer even help with any of these problems?

[peperethecat]

This isn’t even about money - give me 3 months unpaid, I don’t give a fuck.

Literally nobody else gives a fuck if you take three months unpaid either. As long as you're not expecting the taxpayer to fund it on top of the already huge additional costs of coronavirus, that's a perfectly fine and valid choice. It's asking for extra money to do it that is appallingly self centred.

[MrsPotatoHeadsSheeWee]

Majestic, .

The sneering attitude here is misogyny; women currently on mat leave are some of the least affected groups, my arse.

[Iorderedyouapancake]

The idea that there’s something sacred about being at home while everyone else is at work is one of the silliest things I’ve read in a while!

[majesticallyawkward]

Arguably people on maternity leave are actually less impacted by this than just about any other group.

How do you work that one out?

I'm on mat leave, my baby was under a consultant and has had all appointments cancelled, no support for anything, no help, at home unexpectedly with an older child and struggling in all aspects, babys development has been impacted, no childcare for when I need to return, and I can't even buy clothes for the baby now he's outgrown almost everything because no shops have anything in stock- have you ever been in a position where you can't even clothe your child?

[EL8888]

“Part of the beauty and sacredness of maternity is knowing you are off whilst everyone else is still at work“ . Really? I thought it was about bonding with baby and recovering from giving birth. The whole baby yoga / groups thing etc are more of a recent thing

[MrsPotatoHeadsSheeWee]

Oh Mumsnet, a place where parents, new parents in this case, have little support, and absolutely no empathy shown.

I doubt that it is 100% about missing classes, but majorly about childcare not being able to be sorted/inducted given the circumstances, and concerns about infections to babies with undeveloped immune systems.

The general consensus to people who are furloughed and making the most of being at home working fewer hours is to live and let live and not begrudge them their tidy gardens, newly decorated and decluttered homes... but this is women innit, daring to ask for 3 more months in a global pandemic. Evil bitches. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[RenegadeMrs]

It's not unreasonable to build up your expectations and plans based on a reality you know and then struggle to adapt when things change drastically and unexpectedly. I'm pregnant with no 2 and I'm not worried about classes but am worried about lack of support from family and even health visitors. I struggled to establish breast feeding last time and had lots of support from drop in groups that just don't exist any more. I worry about all the mums ( and therefore babies) missing the support they need.

Its not anyone's fault, but that doesn't make things better.

Everyone is annoyed at something at the moment. Perhaps just try and be a little understanding and switch off social media if its getting to you.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

I had my baby (possibly only baby) after 10 years of tears. I planned my maternity, planned to show him off to friends and family, planned to make new friends via parenting groups and now this crisis means I will probably end up returning to work without doing any of it. He doesn’t even see my mum as a real person just as something on a screen and somehow I am expected to suck it up by the mothers who did get a good mat leave. This isn’t even about money - give me 3 months unpaid, I don’t give a fuck. But I want a little bit of time when I’m not stressed and alone and can enjoy my baby the way I planned.

[Spanglebangle]

But I'm not getting to spend precious time with my baby. My eldest is in year 3 so from 9 til 3 every day it is all about schoolwork. My baby is placated until 8pm when the eldest goes to sleep then he has an hour of time with me until he goes to sleep.

Yes I feel incredibly lucky to have my baby the 8 year age gap was not intentional, there was a lot of tears in between the two children. So I do know how lucky I am. No I don't live in a war zone so I know things could be worse.

I want some time to bond with my baby it feels like he is an inconvenience and I hate feeling like that.

[peperethecat]

People on maternity leave right now might be disadvantaged compared to people on maternity leave in a parallel "Sliding Doors" type universe where there is no coronavirus, but they are not disadvantaged compared to most other people right now in this reality, in this universe, where everything is fucked up beyond all recognition. Arguably people on maternity leave are actually less impacted by this than just about any other group.

[peperethecat]

In case you hadn't realised, we are experiencing a global pandemic where hundreds of thousands of people have died and far more have suddenly lost their main source of income because they are unable to work.

Do I really need to spell out why it is jaw droppingly awful for someone to moan about missing out on the bit of maternity leave where you get to go "ha ha ha everyone else is at work and I'm not lol"?

[lemongrassmartini1989]

Why though? Yes we can compare ourselves to those in awful situations but it doesn't change the day to dat reality of the situation that those on maternity at this time are disadvantaged and can't enjoy it as much as others who were luckier with timing.

[peperethecat]

Honestly I am gobsmacked that you even said that.

[lemongrassmartini1989]

@peperethecat I said PART of the beauty not all. Of course most important is your time with your new baby.

[peperethecat]

And there I was thinking the beauty and sacredness of maternity leave was getting to know your lovely baby.

[lemongrassmartini1989]

its not fair that some women will get maternity leave + furlough, and others only get maternity leave whilst stuck indoors. It's like an additional employee benefit that some people people receive just because of timing. Part of the beauty and sacredness of maternity is knowing you are off whilst everyone else is still at work.

[peperethecat]

I think the feelings are perfectly valid. It's just expecting the taxpayer to compensate you for your "loss" that is unreasonable.

We are all having a tough time of it. Women on mat leave aren't a special case.

[RainRainGoAway12]

I’m on maternity leave with my second and last child. Whilst I don’t think I’m owed an extension to it, I do feel very sad that it hasn’t been the maternity leave I planned. With the exception of one family member, all of our other family live over three hours away so we had plans to spend some quality time with them this summer (not normally possible due to the nature of my job) and now we won’t be able to (DH can work wherever there is WiFi)

Lots of things that have been cancelled can be re-arranged (festivals, parties, theatre tickets, holidays, weddings) but maternity leave is just gone once the time is up. Yes my baby is healthy and happy and that is the most important thing and I appreciate lamenting a maternity leave that wasn’t as planned is a first word problem but I live in the first world. 99.9% of AIBU is full of first world problems! Anyway, I feel the petition was silly but the underlying feelings are valid.

[Pacmanitee]

I can see why someone might feel dissapointed, but many mother's don't have the maternity leave that they envisaged for one reason or another; and things are poo for a lot of people right now. I hate the suck it up mentality but that's how it is for most of us right now.

[peperethecat]

Her baby will not remember any of this. It sounds completely over the top for someone to say they are scared for their baby when so many other women have much better reasons to be scared for their babies, and we all have more reason to be scared for other people such as our elderly relatives.

I think this issue has really made me feel that women in the UK have such long maternity leaves that they seem to think of them as a nice holiday to do nice things, like it's some kind of reward for having pushed a baby out. A lot of women seem to be forgetting that maternity leave is for the woman to physically recover from pregnancy and childbirth, bond with her baby and learn how to be a parent. Coronavirus isn't stopping anyone from doing that. Coronavirus is stopping people from doing the stuff that is nice, but non essential. I honestly think some people need to get out of their bubble, look around at the devastation this virus is causing to everyone else, and not ask for more paid time off which the taxpayer simply cannot afford.

[BumpBundle]

As a mother and a student, this grinds my gears. People calling for increased maternity pay because benefits have gone up or because furloughed people are getting 80%. If you're not getting any less then why are you so upset that someone else is getting more?! Honestly, it's so outrageously selfish and pigheaded. I understand the disappointment of not being able to go to classes but you're missing that time regardless. The newborn classes are different from the four month classes and the six month classes. You've missed something because of the global pandemic but at least you're not missing your baby like some mothers right now.
I feel the same about students who are demanding not to pay their tuition fees or to have their maintenance loan increased or not have to pay their rent. Sometimes people just want to be involved in being a victim.

[TheAugusta]

It’s not a race to the bottom. Just because women in this country have access to clean drinking water and vaccinations does not mean they do not have other worries about their babies. They can complain even though they do not live in a war zone. People are allowed to be sad their maternity leaves are not as they envisaged or concerned about nursery logistics and safety despite having the good fortune, denied to some, of being able to have babies. Or should we never be allowed to express worry because someone somewhere is worse off?

[peperethecat]

None of those women are getting paid maternity leave, by the way. They're lucky if they're getting clean drinking water and vaccinations.