Double barreling dc name, which way round?

[Musereader]

So after splitting up with an ex (Bumble) he will not give permission to rename with my surname (Reader) so i intend to apply to court for double barrel. (Names used are not real)

So my mum and me think my name needs to come first, so Reader-Bumble as children will be filed under R and the first part of the hyphen is what shows up when there is limited space.

Brother is making the argument that it needs to be Bumble-Reader, because the last last name is what people see and will use, if post is delivered to both Reader and Bumble at the same address and there is a redirect on the name Bumble then anything Reader-Bumble will be sent to Bumble.

If you double barrelled which did you chose and why?

Ynbu = Reader-Bumble
Yabu = Bumble-Reader

[MitziK]

Assuming it doesn't make something like Ford Prefect or Austin Allegro, I'd suggest - if the father's surname does rhyme with beer - that this is the second part of the double barrel because of the rhythm and cadences of English speech make it a 'finished' tone in most accents.

It's up to you which part is used in preference at a later point. Or up to DC - I've known plenty of kids and adults who use the first and plenty who use the second.

[Catabogus]

I have done this so that my DC are Childname Myname-Hisname. It is annoying that, when DC’s names are read out, they are often just read as “Childname Hisname” - it’s as though my surname is seen as an optional extra middle name which can be ignored.

[Upandsideways]

Most people with double barrelled surnames i know end up just using or being referred to by the final name

Eg Sophie Bumble-Reader would become Sophie Reader

So on that basis I would put your name last

[PeppaisaBitch]

How old is the child? Ask them? Or I'd go with ex name first because that's why dc are used to.

[Tigger85]

My ds has hisname-myname for his surname. Generally the first part of a double barreled name is the one which is dropped.

[holyforkinshirt]

Your name first. I had a double surname, dropped the last one. My name on paper was 1-2-3. Friends and teachers always referred to me as 1-2 throughout school.

[moonbells]

We are all hisname-myname, for no other reason than mine is at the end of the alphabet and his isn't... Spent far too much of my early life being the end of the queue or register or whatever.

[trellishead]

Double barrelling is unnecessary and a bit tacky imo.

[TrickyD]

I agree, Trellishead. Double barrelled names used to be the preserve of the posh, now quite the reverse.

[mummymeister]

If he is behaving so badly then why do you want them to keep his name? Why not give all of you the same name - your maiden name.

FWIW I dont like double barrels either and would look for any other solution that didnt involve this. What on earth happens when Sophie A-B marries David D-C? pick one name, do all the changes you need then stick with it.

[shockthemonkey]

I would say the first part is the least "heard" and the part that people pay less attention to. In casual conversation if a double-barreled name is being shortened, the first part would be dropped, usually.

However there may be good reasons to have the names the other way around. Reasons to do with one way sounding odd or having an unfortunate meaning. Just for an example, if your respective names were (his) Dyer and (yours) Rea, you'd want to make an exception.

[shockthemonkey]

In other words I voted for having his name first and your name second, unless it sounds funny.

[ScrimpshawTheSecond]

'tacky' - gee, thanks.

[Musereader]

@mummymeister

Because dropping his name is not an option. As per op he would not agree to change which he legally has to because of being on the birth certificate and court are not likely to to agree to dropping his name either but from all legal advice i've had it is easier to get it double barreled than totally changed.

And @trellishead and @TrickyD because i want to get it changed to prevent a repeat of the post redirection incident and as per above not possible to have it totally changed.

[Summerof699]

I chose my name then his name.

Pp who say it is tacky, why? I chose not to get married or change my name, the option to DP was the children had my surname only or mine and his double barrelled. I wasnt willing to have my children not have my name included.

[kmc1111]

In my experience people do default to using the ‘last’ last name if they’re choosing one for whatever reason.

For instance my last name doesn’t fit in the online checkboxes couriers and postmen use, and they always choose to use my last last name. Also if they don’t sound really good together people tend to just pick one unless you object, and it’ll almost always be the last one.

[shockthemonkey]

Unless his surname is Dyer and yours is Rea, I would put his first.

[WhatCFeryIsThis]

My mum has this exact problem with my youngest brother (different dad). Dads surname 'smith' mum's surname 'Jones' (not real, like yours).

She changed his name to Malcolm Edwards Smith Jones.

Note the lack of a hyphen.

Dad has his wish, baby kept his name. But on a register only the last name shows. Might be worth considering 🤷‍♀️

[Pigletspal]

Don’t know if this makes a difference but as a teacher, when I was jotting names just for my own notes I would usually jot the last name of double barrel, for speed. So in my mind, the last name somehow carries a tiny bit more weight?

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

Our family surname is made up of two names, both two syllables, no hyphen. We find that the last name carries marginally more weight, if a name is going to be dropped it tends to be the first one. I'd put yours last.