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AIBU to not want to get married

47 replies

pyjamagirl · 18/09/2007 16:43

Ok this is long and confusing so I apoligise in advance.

In 2006 we won a wedding not the whole shindig but quite a few freebies (like the wedding breakfast and stuff) I had no idea dp had gone for this contest and was happy we won it when I found out however it has had to be postponed once due to our DD been seriously ill at the time ,now we are due to do it in a years time thing is I cant be bothered there is too much in bickering with the families we have to put at least another 7k towards it which we dont have tbh.

I know I sound so ungrateful but I would be happy just to go to the register office with dp and do it quietly .

It really is crunch time now 'cos if we go ahead with the big wedding then we are going to have to start booking stuff and putting deposits down.

What worries me is we have 5 dc and I dont think I can face a year of been skint just for one day and paying all that money for ungrateful relatives and nasty ppl who call themselves my friends (i KNOW i SOUND BITTER)

I would much rather do up my house next year and take the DC on their first real holiday in years I actually feel a bit selfish to be thinking about saving all this oney for 1 day .

Also I do love DP dearly we have been together for 10 years so it'd not 'cos of him I dont want to do it

so any advice would be welcome

Am I silly to throw it away or is it more sensible to use the money for a holiday and house stuff

OP posts:
fedupwasherwoman · 19/09/2007 12:05

Pyjamagirl, are you assuming that you'll need to pay for more wedding breakfasts as you need to invite more than 50 people ?

I'd say stick to 50 and be ruthless about it. Make it known as it being very close family and even closer friends only. Be honest and say that money is tight and if it weren't for the prize you would be having a quick register office do with no party anyway.

Photographer/Video - wouldn't bother, I wish we hadn't - just ask family and friends to bring their cameras and use them and let you have copies of their photos or buy disposable cameras to distribute and collect in again.

Groomsmen outfits - couldn't you just have chaps wearing their own suits.

Your dress- assuming you get married next year you will be able to take advantage of the winter sales or have you tried e-bay or oxfam for wedding dresses on the cheap. No-one will ever know unless you want them to know that you are anti-wastefulness and into recycling. I got a £750 dress in the January sales for £299 it is full on lace and beads and looked stunning, my mother's money obsessed friend estimated that it must have cost at least £1,000 and she "knows about this stuff of course"

Bridesmaids dresses - lovely dresses available off the peg via BHS or M & S or again there's ebay. Just have the minimum bridesmaids one adult and maybe your dd's ?

Cars - wouldn't bother ask a fried with a nice car if they would oblige and naturally invite them to the wedding. Sometimes people are very flattered to be asked

Flowers - if you keep it simple ta bouquet really doesn't cost the earth and bridesmaid posies can be very simple, we draped ours to act as decoration for teh top table too. You can do your own table arrangements with flowerpots or whatever and dried flowers and candles. You might want to check out florists and see what they can do for say £100 or less. If the wedding is in a hotel do you really need much anyway ?

Registrar's fee - well it's a bit much not to have included this in the proze if it was "win a wedding" and I probably would have taken issue with the presentors over that but I don't think it's a huge amount.

Hair and make-up - shop around or use a friend who is good with make-up, it's fun to have trial sessions over a bottle of wine in the run up to the wedding day. If you went to your own hairdresser and let the bridesmaids do their own thing it wouldn;t cost very much. A friend had a mobile haidresser come to her house on the morning of the wedding and we adult bridesmaids paid for ourselves. She did all of us proud and it really wasn't very expensive.

pyjamagirl · 19/09/2007 12:35

HI all thanks for the advice my Dp read this thread this morning and could finally see where I was coming from

Good news is we arestill getting married next september but have decided to go with a smaller venue we are having a small wedding breakfast for 26 then in the evening we are inviting all the others so It wil be quite a big evening reception for about 80

But we have just been quoted a fantastic price for the entire day

I'm all excited again now

Now is anyone selling a wedding dress LOL

OP posts:
Meeely2 · 19/09/2007 12:43

what size are you PG?

pyjamagirl · 19/09/2007 12:49

14 - 16 Hoping to be more of a 14 by next year though

OP posts:
Meeely2 · 19/09/2007 12:50

darn, mine no good then, will keep bumping for you.....

fedupwasherwoman · 19/09/2007 12:56

I'm sure if you posted a wanted ad and described your preferences people might respond if they've been wondering, like me, what to do with their wedding dress.

Unfortunately mine was taken in to a size 10/12 as I lost quite a lot of weight in the run up to the wedding.

chipmonkey · 19/09/2007 13:01

pyjamagirl, go on ebay for the wedding dress. I've seen some real bargains and I wasnt' even looking for a wedding dress!
Well done for sticking to your guns btw. We had 170 people at our wedding and I swear I didn't know half of them!

lemonaid · 19/09/2007 13:03

so what I have to pay for is my dress ,bm dresses , grooms men outfits, flowers ,photographer ,cars , pay the registra plus his fee for coming out to the hotel , a videographer ,hair and make up and all the little extras

Dress - Monsoon or similar. A friend got married a few weeks ago in a Monsoon dress and it was gorgeous. Or find someone local to make you a simple dress. Say £200.
Bridesmaids' dresses - do you need bridesmaids? Are you thinking of your DDs? If not, you could easily manage with just one. And the dress doesn't need to be expensive.
Groomsmen outfits - don't really need. Have them in normal suits with buttonholes. Give them matching ties if you want. Say £20 per tie.
Flowers - OK, flowers are nice. Try contacting the local places that teach professional diplomas in floristy, etc., to see if there's anyone who'd be interested in doing it relatively cheaply to build up their portfolio. And you can save a lot by choosing flowers that are in season and going for very simple arrangements.
Photographer - I'm a wedding photographer, but you don't have to have one (I would recommend it, though). If you just want the "formal" shots then you can get someone for an hour or so and it won't cost a fortune.
Cars - you don't need, particularly if you are getting married at the same place you are getting ready and staying at afterwards. Book a nice "executive-style" car instead, which will cost around £50.
Registrar plus fees - OK, you do rather need that. But it's what £200-£300 or so?
Videographer - really don't need one. Honestly. Get a friend with a video camera to record the ceremony and the speeches. That'll be all you'll be interested in watching afterwards.
Hair - yes, probably, but doesn't have to cost a fortune.
You can easily do your own makeup.

I can't see how you would spend anywhere vaguely approaching £7K unless you were really trying, assuming you stick to the 50 guests.

lemonaid · 19/09/2007 13:08

Oops, sorry, should read whole thread before replying...

pyjamagirl · 19/09/2007 13:08

the 7k was for outfits ,photographer and everything plus the hotel although they gave us the room for the evening reception we had to pay for the buffet and entertainment plus there were obviouly more people comingto the evening reception

I would have to have my dd's as bm as for the cars I am going to shop around

Flowers I had a quote for 400.00 that was for 5 bouquets , buttonholes and table decorations .

Thanks for all the advice x

OP posts:
lemonaid · 19/09/2007 13:11

We went for a late-afternoon wedding so that we only had to pay for one lot of food (no separate buffet) and had one lot of guests.

Not that that's relevant now you've found another venue for a good price, but there are ways to save money without looking as though you are scrimping.

morningpaper · 19/09/2007 13:16

Got my wedding dress for £31 on Ebay

pics still on my profile I think

would have been £750 new

Spent £470 in total on the wedding including food and drink for 100 guests

you can do it cheap if you want to - the thing is, people don't really WANT to

I would take the prize and explain to people that you weren't expecting to win it, sorry they can't all be invited, and not spend anything on anything else

morningpaper · 19/09/2007 13:18

my dress


bm dresses

My dd's just wore smart dresses that they already had

grooms men outfits,

wear lounge suits




Don't bother - EVERYONE has a decent camera these days


Stick ribbons on your own

pay the registra plus his fee for coming out to the hotel

Don't get them to come out - get married in registry office beforehand

a videographer

Waste of money

hair and make up and all the little extras

Not needed.

I reckon you could do it for £150 tops

pyjamagirl · 19/09/2007 13:22

I love your dress morninpaper your wedding day looks a blast x

OP posts:
purpleduck · 19/09/2007 13:32

Nice dress morningpaper - hot little bod btw
did that sound gay?

morningpaper · 19/09/2007 13:55

nothing wrong with a bit gay

olivo · 19/09/2007 16:52

pyjama - not time to read the whole thread but looking a the stuff yuo would get for free, yuo dont NEED to pay much more. we paid around 4k for ours, we invited 50 people and it was the things you listd that cost most of that. i bought a dress new for £100, had no bridesmaids, groom and best man, ushers etc wore their own suits, no video, photographs by someone experienced who was starting their own business,hired a car for the weekend for £90, small posy plus button holes for £30 etc etc hair and make up can be done yourself. yuo don't have to spend a fortune if you dont want.
hope you make a decision that suits you and your dp - goodluck.

olivo · 19/09/2007 16:54

ok, so should have read the full thread before posting
pyjama, i got my wedding dress from debenhams for £100 - very plain but i loved it. monsoon did some lovely reasonable ones at the time too.
we also had our wedding aat 3.30 so we only had to do one lot of food - personally, i'm not a bi fan of evening buffets so we had a sit down dinner at about 7pm.
hope you find the dress of your dreams!

BarbieGirl · 19/09/2007 19:35

Don't waste the money on an expensive wedding. DH and I got married at a registry office with only immediate family invited and a big piss up afterwards - it was brill . We have been married 10 years now and still going strong.

hotchocscot · 20/09/2007 00:24

interesting thread! I arranged our wedding at 3 weeks notice while on maternity leave. we had registry office wedding at 2.30pm then lovely meal in gorgeous local restuarant at 3.30 for 20 people, we were out by 7pm so they gave us a good price for a 3 course/3 choices on each set menu and because we weren't interfering with their dinner trade. Restaurant was 5 mins from registry office so we all just wandered along apart from two older family who were put in black cab. Hubby had smart suit from M&S, I was heavily pregnant so had nice maternity skirt/camisole/jacket combo that didn't cost loads. As we've been together a while and had housey stuff, asked people to help out as presents. Friend's mum who is florist did my posy and his buttonhole for 20 quid, another friend did photos as our wedding present from her, another chum bought my shoes and the last of "les girls" clan paid for my hair to be done by hairdresser (thirty quid). I did my own makeup, got jewellery from Accessorize for about 10 quid and a bag from M&S again 10 quid. We didn't bother with a formal cake and no-one missed it cos the puddings were great. We did the wedding, that night in a hotel for hubby and me and then a 3 night honeymoon in a lovely hotel on the west coast of scotland all for just under 2 grand total. And everyone said it was the most fun, relaxed and happy wedding they'd been too. No bridezilla exhausted after a year of hassle and panic over the exact shade of sugar almond favours for me!!! So glad PG that you and your DH are going to do whats right for you. Its really lovely to look round the room on your wedding day and realise that you love and care for every single person there, and they do for you too and are not just blagging free booze.

BlueberryPancake · 20/09/2007 11:57

I would agree with most people here, it really doesn't have to be expensive. We had a nice church service and a meal with 30 of our best friends and family at a local french restaurant, and we had asked our friends to make tapes of their favorite wedding music and we played them on our own sound system (it was a few years ago before all that MP3 shaninigan). Everyone thought it was nice and good fun, we had a 'smart cas' clothes rule, and my dress was a bridesmade dress that I had ordered in ivory color, everyone thought it was very beautiful. The dress/shoes/hair do cost me less than £200. It's nice to see that many people think that a big wedding is a bit of a waste of money!

MerryMarigold · 20/09/2007 14:12

I would definitely take up this offer, but do it your way! I agree that big weddings are a waste of money (we spent 6K for everything, including flights for my dh's parents to come). Tbh, most of the money went on food & drink, so you have a head start there.

You could have a brilliant, 'different' wedding - and just forget other people's input and all the 'tradition' involved. You can really get the kids involved - being in the wedding party, maybe making the invites/ scan a picture they have drawn, picking the decorations/ colour scheme (be prepared for interesting colours!) etc. It could be really fun and different, without spending much - just as much fun as a holiday in all the preparations.

The advantage is that you already have the kids, so you can really make it their day as well. The only thing you should spend money on is a photographer so you have the memories to keep.

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