Employer making life VERY difficult.

[Titslikepicassos]

Supposed to be returning from MAT leave in June, have childcare arranged and as a key worker they will still take my baby - excellent.

Had a team meeting with work this week to discuss going back and have been told that I have to relocate as my partner works on the same site as me - which has been known since I informed them we were in a relationship, however the policy changed in October (before I went on MAT leave). While we are on the same site, our jobs are separate and we are working in different buildings, have different managers and different hours. The different hours means I will need to do drop offs and pick ups to coincide with opening and closing hours.

So during the middle of a pandemic, with child care mostly closed I now have to find a new nursery, lose a significant term time deposit and start the settling in process all over again. Not only that, they have told me to find my own employment within the company - my head is exploding with all of this. AIBU to think this is an unnecessary ball ache!

I appreciate that this is a minor problem given the amount of people losing jobs!

[Malbecqueen]

I haven't read all the comments but the things that strike me is 1) you need to talk to HR about the policy that you can't work in the same area as your partner. (And if it is in place - why are you the one that moves?) and 2) the ability to relocate it in a contract is generally designed to move you to where the work is... not because you need to be moved away from here. Tbh this sounds to me like constructive dismissal and to do this to you when coming back from Mat Leave makes it even worse. I'd be surprised if your HR even knows your manager is doing this.

[OhCrumbsWhereNow]

Check your home insurance as you may find that you are covered for any legal fees. I had a similar-ish situation and found that I would have been covered but you do have to use their lawyers.

ACAS were brilliant when I needed them so recommend a call to them tomorrow.

Good luck. I hate it when employers pull this kind of nonsense.

[Titslikepicassos]

Thanks everyone, you’ve all been really helpful.

We’re going to await the outcome of DP’s meeting tomorrow and see where we go. My DP’s manager has requested that my manager not be involved in tomorrow’s meeting as no one could understand why she should be... he’s going to ask to record the meeting as he’s WFH and will using Teams.

[Phineyj]

Another vote for getting an employment lawyer asap. I took advice over a complicated post mat situation about 7 years ago (the company were clueless rather than up to no good) so that at least I would know what the law said exactly. It cost about £500 I think. I didn't need to use it in the end but that may be as I did exactly what the lawyer recommended.

I think as others have said that the involvement of legal will make them suddenly change their tune. Good luck.

[Annamaria14]

If they don't want people in a relationship in the same work place, they should give you and your partner the option of leaving.


So basically, they want you to leave because the manager wants her friend in the role.


You would win every case on this. The law is on your side.

[Titslikepicassos]

They’re not going to win whichever way they want to play this. DP has offered to become a SAHD so I can stay where I am but will definitely seek legal advice before we get to that point though.

Will update tomorrow

[Horsemad]

Tbf, when I called ACAS over an employment issue, I found them to be a bit crap.

Pay for an employment lawyer and go for them OP.

[Corna]

ACAS are wrong. Your employers policy does not trump employment law, even if you have signed it. They need to stick to the law and you need legal advice. Document everything you get from your employer.

[Annamaria14]

@Titslikepicassos your DP offering to stay home is lovely , but definitely tell him not to do anything for now.

The real issue is that your manager wants her friend in your job. It is not about your DP working there. So if your DP offers to be a SAHD so you can keep your job, and your employer tells you that you still have to move job, because it was never about your DP, it is about her friend, what will you do.

Go to meetings and tell them that if two people in a relationship can't work in the same place, both you and DP should be given the option to leave. If she insists that it must be you that leaves, ask her why

[Sindragosan]

When you're returning from mat leave, (unless things have changed) after 6m you should be offered your own job back, if its after 12m, they can offer you an equivalent job - same band, responsibility etc. Unless things have changed radically, the onus is on the employer to arrange the job, not the employee, so its looking dodgy all around.

[problembottom]

This sounds awful. I also recommend the pregnant and screwed advice line, my bitch of a boss tried to oust me when I returned from mat leave as my cover was her mate. They helped me win my appeal and better still my boss was outed as a complete twat. Don’t let the fuckers get away with it.

[Titslikepicassos]

They’ve said that we can discuss it between ourselves but ultimately they have the final decision about who moves. My manager wants me out and DP’s manager won’t want him to leave so unless he leaves the company, it will be me
that will be moved - we won’t do or say anything without seeking legal advice.

[Titslikepicassos]

@problembottom - what happened when you went back? I’m worried that the work place will now be awful even if I get to stay. Thanks for the advice and sorry you had to deal with it too

[Peonyonpoint]

I am so rooting for you, OP! It is so fucking crazy that people still try and do this!

I was once a trustee for a very old-fashioned charity and they basically gave me the heave-ho when I'd had a baby - full of lovely chats about how i should be spending more time with my child etc, so important and i'd never get this time back. (for the record i am a highly trained professional who is perfectly competent and it was a tiny charity where 80% of the board was male and over 70). Unfortunately charity boards aren't covered by employment law or i would have sued them, not for any money, but to make them think before they tried the same shit on some full time employee.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

They are being outrageous.

[Titslikepicassos]

@Peonyonpoint - thank you, sorry you’ve been through it too. Funnily enough my manager has been saying all sorts of faux understanding things about being with the baby.

I love the company I work for, and whoever said HR probably don’t have a clue what my manager and their manager is doing is probably right, the pair of them do what they want.

[LouHotel]

OP get your DP to download a voice recorder, if this goes to tribunal a judge can allow it into evidence at their discretion. It’s why my HR now record disciplinary’s because if it’s going to be recorded it might as well be ours.

To be blunt at his meeting you shouldn’t be a discussion as the minute they do that they are breaking your privacy, his meeting should be about his employment - the fact your manager was invited in the first place is already something you need to document and clearly someone has realised how bad it looks that a bunch of manager and the husband are discussing the little wife’s employment.

They essentially want you to voluntary give up your position to go for a position that may not even exist? I would actually be requesting a meeting with your HR manager with a witness - I can’t believe this has HR backing it so completely wrong it sounds like your manager has gone rogue.

[LouHotel]

Just to say I returned at the start of the year after maternity under a regional senior who dislikes mothers (has forced others out) it’s fucking awful but the only way to combat it is fire with fire.

Every conversation we have I follow up with ‘’in reference to this request, decision, discussion’ email? I voice record all our meetings and keep a day by day diary of anything said by others about what he’s said etc... it is exhausting but it won’t last forever and it makes him have to work.

[Titslikepicassos]

When I casually mentioned that there would be another gap at DP’s work place, as there is another family connection working there, my manager, piped up with ‘oh we’ve sorted that’ - she has nothing to do with them, like I said, a completely different work place but on the same site

[Titslikepicassos]

That’s helpful, thanks @LouHotel

[RandomMess]

I suspect when HR find out she will be hauled over the coals and may end up being transferred herself...

[fia101]

Please see an employment lawyer. Unions are grand (I'm in one) but some of the advice and the effort that goes into helping people with employment claims, especially if complex, can be very mixed depending on who you get.

[bulliedintonamechange]

I can't help with any advice but what fucking horrible bastards. This kind of stuff boils my piss!!!!!! So sorry but make sure everyone knows what they are!!

[Cinderella66]

This is sexual discrimination. Speak to the ACAS helpline.

[Porridgeoat]

.