AIBU to think parents in separate rooms isn’t that bad...

[LoopyLou1981]

My dh snores like a water hog. For many years we’d cuddle up romantically then I’d scoot of to a sofa, spare etc when the noise got too bad.
Once we had children, I’d take them into the spare room so that we’d all get some sleep. This has never stopped despite the kids being in their own rooms.
AIBU to want keep my ‘own’ bed so that I can get some sleep?

[nachthexe]

I’ve been using ear plugs for almost a year. I still can’t get to sleep if he’s already going when I get to bed, but otherwise they work fine.

[IvinghoeBeacon]

Sobeyondthehills - sounds sensible - not sure why your response is directed at me though?

[Thinkingaboutsummer2020]

I’m in the baby’s room & can’t imagine ever going back in with DP he’s such a light sleeper & wakes me up when he can’t sleep

[Arthritica]

Definitely time to check with the professionals.

[SongBirdsKeepSinging]

At what point is it time to go to the Dr's? I'm worried they'll think I'm wasting their time. Snoring is usually associated with men I've found, so I feel really embarrassed that I'm the one causing the problem

[Coldhandscoldheart]

Plenty of women snore too @SongBirdsKeepSinging.

In terms of the GP, before you go do a checklist of things you have done to help - are you overweight? I know everything seems to come down to that, but it really is linked. If so, could you try losing some & see if it helps?
Have you tried any OTC remedies? Might be worth a try so you can say ‘I’ve tried xyz things’

I recall hearing some time ago that singing can help with snoring as it tones your throat and soft palate - might be time to join a choir & get some daily noise! (There are actually CDs called singing for snorers with exercises I think)

You don’t have to do any of these things before you go to the GP, and waits for sleep studies can be long, so it may be worth getting the ball rolling, but being prepared to try some things might make you feel a bit less embarrassed about it?
Take the recording wth you so the Gp can hear as well.

[AxisOfDick]

My DH is lovely but he snores or rolls over to me for endless cuddles which is really suffocating. I sleep with the dog in the guest room as often as I can.... although she has just woken me up with dream yelping..... but that’s still way cuter than a grown man doing full pelt!

[copperoliver]

I think it's great having your own room as long as you have a snuggle before bed. X

[Mummyoflittledragon]

YANBU. I wouldn’t function at all bed sharing. I have slept apart from my dh for some years. I am not a well person. My sleep is all over the place. I wake up during the night and either don’t get back to sleep or am awake for a couple of hours. He snores and comes to bed late waking me up and I’m a light sleeper.

[speakout]

OH and I have separate bedrooms.

Absolute bliss.

[kateandme]

have u tried the snore pillows?

[twoheaped]

Separate bedrooms here.
I go to bed early, him late. I get up early, him later.
Sleeping together just limits the sleep either of us get. I am right grumpy with no sleep.
We were in the same bedroom for 2 years, been in our own for 18 years.
It works for us

[FrangipaniBlue]

We don't have a "spare room" because we have DS room, DH room and my room!!!

DH and I have been together for 22 years, lived together for 20 and of those we've been in separate rooms for around 16/17!!

Initially I was the snorer but combination of nasal surgery and weight loss means I'm barely audible now (only if drunk or have a cold!). DH snores occasionally but not enough really to disturb me - we both just like our own space!

Best thing ever.

[DesLynamsMoustache]

We sleep some nights together, some nights apart, it just depends on what's going on, really. DH needs a lot less sleep than me and stays up a lot later so sometimes if he's stayed up late and doesn't want to wake me up, he'll just sleep in his man cave. Also if DD comes into bed with us, he usually leaves us to have the super king. But some nights we will go to bed together and when we go away on holiday etc. I don't really care about sleeping beside someone as I'm asleep and have zero awareness of it I'm not a snuggly sleeper, I like my space when sleeping!

He does snore but not enough to be an issue, but if it was an issue I'd have no qualms in sleeping separately. Sleep is golden! And far better for a relationship to be both rested and not resentful.

[Icecreamdiva]

My DH had three sleep phases. For the first couple of hours he has nightmares and night terrors where he screams, swears, shouts and lashes out. He sleeps through this but being woken by a grown man struggling and screaming FUCK OFF at imaginary assailants is terrifying. Once he is in a deep sleep the nightmares stop and the snoring sets in until a couple of hours before he wakes. Then the farting starts!

I put up with this for over 20 years until I went on a solo holiday last summer. I experienced 2 blissful weeks of peaceful, uninterrupted sleep and knew I could never go back! Now I sleep in the spare room. I’ve bought a new mattress and pillows, a lightweight silk duvet and beautiful linen sheets. Going to bed is a positive pleasure now. I love my husband dearly, when he is awake he is a lovely man but why l put up with his nocturnal barnyard noises and smells for so long is now a mystery to me.

[NeverForgetYourDreams]

Separate bedrooms here for 14 years and still love each other. I think we would have divorced if carried on being in the same bed due to fidgeting and snoring.

[Cremebrule]

You need to get him to go to a gp and ask for a sleep study. If it’s apnea it’s us linked to premature mortality, dementia and lots of other things you don’t want.

[sar302]

My husband snores when drunk, so if he's had a night out, sleeps on the pull out couch in the spare room. It's a standing joke at the moment, whilst we're in the process of buying a bigger house, that he'll have a real bed to sleep in. I wouldn't want to sleep apart all the time, but during snoring, illness, or when one of us has had a late night, I think it's a great idea to not disturb the other person!

[YouStupidBoy]

I would love separate bedrooms but DH is really, really opposed to it. I go to bed earlier than him as I get up far earlier for work, if I am asleep by the time he comes to bed I am woken up with the light being put on and then half an hour to an hour of the light from his tablet (apparently cannot sleep without using it). If I don't manage to get to sleep with the light from the tablet on I am still awake when DH falls asleep and the snoring starts, so move to the spare room immediately and sleep on the sofa in there or - when the snoring is particularly bad - I go downstairs and sleep on the sofa (he can still be heard from there).

If I manage to get to sleep whilst the light from the tablet is on I am then woken up again when DH falls asleep and the snoring starts.

I am grumpy and feel awful constantly from chronic sleep disturbance and lack of sleep. DH is otherwise a considerate and kind man, but when it comes to this particular issue he is not!!

[AcrossthePond55]

I would love separate bedrooms but DH is really, really opposed to it.

What would happen if you insisted? Good sleep is important.

And one is either considerate and kind or one is not. He's not.

[PennyArcade]

11 years ago eldest DS moved out and got married so figured he wouldn't be needing his room any time soon. I redecorated and moved into his room. The best decision I ever made. Never again will I share with anyone. It's bliss!

[TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY]

i havent slept i the same bed as my partner since 03

due to my choice from birth to cosleep then disabled kids(9 y old still with me)and 24/7 caring duties to 2 kids we just dont sleep together

been together since 99 and are in a happy relationship just dont sleep together

we do have a super king bed in each bedroom though

[theincredible]

My wife is a snorer...I had to sleep on the sofa downstairs in a sleeping bag to get some sleep...if I complained she would say "you snore too", but she never moved out of the bedroom so I cant have been that bad. Now my son has left home I have his room and it is bliss. But some nights I can here her through the wall!

[mbosnz]

We sleep separately, and like a PP said, I've made the spare room into my room, it's all feminine and girly, and I love it! I wake up first, and go through first thing in the morning so we still have that togetherness. Sex life seems to manage just fine as well. . . we always know where the other is!

[Snog]

I think it's lovely to both have your own bedrooms. Much better quality of sleep which makes a lot of difference to your health, mood and energy.