My son.. Please can I have advice

[Happymind]

This isn't an AIBU, but I know this is one of the busy threads and I need as much advice as possible.

My son is 16 (almost 17) and is six months into his A-levels. He is suffering with depression and anxiety and is currently awaiting therapy sessions. He is finding his A-levels difficult due to the fact that he studying three different subjects and at the moment, it's an effort to get up and dressed for the day let alone find the motivation to study and get his head around his subjects.

After a long chat, we decided that it may be in his best interests to quit and look into studying one subject that he is interested in. I know this isn't possible to do with A Levels, but does anyone else know what is available to someone of his age in terms of studying for a qualification.

I find the whole further study options confusing having not looked into them properly beforehand. If he went into another form of education, would they accept him at this stage? And if he did have to wait until their intakes, would he be allowed to work until then? (I'm not sure seeing as they are meant to be in education until 18).

He is passionate about film studies and originally wanted to get his A levels to enable him to attend film school. If he doesn't do A Levels, is that still possible with another qualification?

Sorry for all the questions, I just feel desperately sorry for him and don't want his to waste his life away but equally don't want to force him to do something that is adding to his mental health issues.

Many thanks in advance.

[MyOwnSummer]

I have a relative who works in the film industry, and has done for many years. He is now quite senior. He went to a private school where they realised that he wasn't much good academically but was fantastic at art, so he trained to do clever stuff with computer graphics and has made a career out of it.

He says is going to be years before that industry recovers. It is not a good time to be starting out in the industry, though by the time your son finishes study / training it might be OK again.

If he really wants to study film I would strongly suggest that he identifies which practical skill he wishes to learn - CGI, camera operator, sound production etc rather than just doing a generalist "film studies" course. Having a technical skill will be far more useful than being yet another wannabe director with zero experience or contacts.

[WisestIsShe]

I was you at the end of last academic year. DS just couldn't cope with the a level pressure, he was totally miserable and retreating into his shell. After discussions with him and college he moved to a BTEC in business this year and is like he's a different person. He's up and wants to go to college, he's acing his assessments he's even made a couple of friends. I wouldn't have believed it could make such a difference in such a short period of time. As pp have said as long as he gets good marks the BTEC gives enough points for uni, if that's the path he wants to take.

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

From working and living with film and media peeps I would say that IF HE IS UP TO IT he volunteers.

Now what that looks like I don’t know but if you are in or near London/Manchester you’d have a plethora of options.

For the other major cities of the UK you’d have several opportunities too to examine - and not just for film. My friend who works for the BFI as part of their digital team started at 15 making cups of tea at Granada TV.

I would agree that his MH must come first but if he wants to take a different path then research all options, let him cease his ALevels and then plan plan plan.

As you say the worst case scenario is he stops ALevels and has nothing else and sinks further down.

Good luck.

(And BTW as a child of Scotland in the 1990s where we could take 3/4/5 Highers as we wished I’ve consistently been surprised at the folk I know made to take THREE ALevels. ALevels are fucking hard).

[erinaceus]

@Happymind I thought that once you chose a pathway that you were stuck with it. I didn't realise how many other options were out there.

I’ve got anecdotes by the lots of them of people who variously dropped out of school, A-level programs, who missed or resat a year or two of education at whatever stage, who lost years of their lives to health problems of all sorts (including MH stuff, I missed two years of education through MH problems and know people who missed, like, a decade of their lives who are now doing postdoctoral study or in careers or who have families of their own or all three).

It sounds as if there might be two interrelate issues at play, the MH stuff and the education stuff. My experience is that in general people other than the sufferer and perhaps their family tend to chronically underestimate how disabling MH stuff can be especially if it is “only” depression/anxiety, hence your son’s school not letting up in terms of pressure.

The other experience I have is that the situation around a person matters a lot to their mental health, so supporting your son to explore other options than the path he is on (even if he decides in the end to press on with his current path) is a supportive thing to do I think.

The suggestion someone made of doing an online course over the summer is a good one. These can be quite demanding, easily A-level level of difficult and useful to learn something new, keep someone occupied and also valuable for CV. Your son could take one jointly with someone (you? A family friend?), I got a lot out of the one I took in parallel with some colleagues (was a work-related topic).

Hang in there

[sashh]

OK I'm going to be a pedant. It is BTEC (formerly business and technical education council).

I'm being a pedant because Btech is an Indian qualification and I don't want the OP or anyone reading this, maybe in the future, to start researching a qualification from India.

Sorry for the pedantry.

OP

Time out of anything to work on your ds's mental health is valuable.

[shinynewapple2020]

Would an apprenticeship be an option for your DS instead of A levels or a full time BTEC? My DS decided that A levels weren't for him at the end of his first year and decided to apply for an apprenticeship instead, combining work experience with a qualification, whilst getting paid. It's definitely been the best thing for him.

[Reindeerdust]

I teach apprenticeship and assess them - sounds like it could be a route for him to investigate - lots
Of support from both the place of work and the organisation he picks to do it through ... you can get it through colleges and private institutes 😊

Though I would say - maybe a little break to get his mental health sorted - he could always do an online course to keep him doing something but I was that kid who didn’t get the help and It isn’t fun

[ruthieness]

anti depressants are often very effective.
Whilst I understand that they do not "like" to prescribe them for "children" this may be the right thing for your son.

[Scottishgirl85]

God wrong thread, I've requested deletion of above message

[IWillWearTheGreenWillow]

Thank you @Happymind. After a long talk today, he is determined to stick with it but will consider anything less than 3 As to be failure. At present, he's not pulling marks anywhere near that and he's aware that he needs to do much more work but can't get over the ADHD hump to actually do it. We have another meeting with the school tomorrow that will likely result in lots of pretty lies about the support he can have. Hey ho. Hope your boy's careers meeting is useful.

[OhTheRoses]

DD was 17. GP refused and CAMHS were hopeless - couldn't get past the mh nurse who couldn't see beyond family problems that didn't exist. We had to go privately.

[Happymind]

OhTheRoses
By all means change course but it won't magically help his depression

I'm aware of that, but it's certainly not helping! It's just added another dimension of pressure.

His therapy and CBT are soon approaching so I am feeling much more optimistic. If he changes courses at least he will have a few months to work on his mental health. That interesting about your daughter. We was told that they don't like to give children medication to treat depression? How old was she if you don't mind me asking? I thought that was standard GP practice but obviously not.

[Happymind]

IWillWearTheGreenWillow
Happymind, I can't offer advice, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone. We're in the same place and DS is struggling hugely with feelings of failure and the school are just shouting "work harder! Be more organised!" at regular intervals. We also have diagnoses of SpLDs and DS is not going back into school today while we retreat and regroup and work out what to do. Sending strength and solidarity.

It's so upsetting isn't it. That's exactly what is happening at his college. They are aware of his health issues and are sympathetic, however the demands of A levels don't work well with someone who can barely organise their own school bag at the moment.

I thought that once you chose a pathway that you were stuck with it. I didn't realise how many other options were out there.

I truly wish you the best of luck with your son.

[OhTheRoses]

By all means change course but it won't magically help his depression

GP apt, CAMHS referral and chase chase chase and follow up every conversation in writing.
Vit D screening and supplement if necessary.
Therapy whilst waiting - you will probably have to pay
SSRI's helped dd get to the right place for therapy to work but some gps will and some won't.

[Happymind]

thefemalelemur - thank you. I hope your son's are in a good place now :) Worrying isn't it.

[Happymind]

Etinox - thank you so much! that's very kind.

I'm going to look at that link now.

[Happymind]

kerkyra - that's so good to hear. Education opens doors, but it should never trump someones happiness or mental health.

[Happymind]

So much great information. I'm overwhelmed.

I called his college today and they have given him an appointment with a careers adviser. From the brief conversation I had with his form tutor, he agrees that it's worth looking into an alternative. I'd rather him do something more achievable with less pressure.

I feel guilty I never looked into all his options beforehand.

It's encouraging to hear that I'm not the only one with a child in this position and that it worked out for them in the end.

I'm now trying to see what he can do between now and September.

[kerkyra]

Please dont worry too much, they all find their way in the end.
My daughter gained a level 3 at college,got into uni then dropped out in the first year. She couldnt cope,so now works full time in a pet shop where she is happy.
She is 20 now and has a life ahead of her if she ever wants to restudy.

[Etinox]

Do you have any orinces trust courses near you? Maybe he could get on one of their short courses before starting a BTech or apprentiship?
www.princes-trust.org.uk/help-for-young-people/unlock-your-potential/discover-new-talents

you sound like a lovely Mum

[MereDintofPandiculation]

It's very common for young people to re-group somewhere during 6th form years. Both mine did, as did many of their friends. And DS2 was struck by how less able to cope with uni were those students who came straight from school and A-levels compared with those who had had greater control over their studies at college.

[Happymind]

I really appreciate everyone's input and it has been hugely helpful.

I can't answer individually just yet as I'm working but will do soon.

Just to point out, my sons depression and anxiety doesn't stem from A level pressure. The A levels have just added another dimension to his mental health struggles.

I'll be back soon to reply. Thank you all once again

[thefemalelemur]

Definitely speak to local colleges about Btech as suggested by previous posters. I think it would be in his best interests right now to drop out of school and work on getting his mental health on an even keel. He could do some volunteering or a part time job which will all be beneficial to his uni application, so this time won't be wasted at all. Good luck to you both, my own DS went through a hard time a few years ago and I know now worrying it is for you.