to be shocked that my sister and her husband are going to give their new baby just her surname?

[Caroline1852]

My sister did not change her name on marriage and her and her husband are expecting their first child in November. They plan to give their baby just her surname. Am I alone in thinking this is a bit odd but I am worried for her. Will people assume that the baby is hers from a previous marriage and her husband is the stepfather? Will it be odd for the child?

[cmotdibbler]

I kept my name when we married - neither of us even contemplated anything different, and DS has is DS Myname-DHname. We did think about drawing lots for the surname, but as we are only having the one, it didn't seem fair !
As long as sister and her DH are happy, nothing else matters - as long as it doesn't end up spelling or sounding like something awful.

[Anna8888]

daisythedog - no I don't want to share but it's a French-Jewish name with one consonant that has a different pronounciation to English followed by two vowels and a consonant that form a phoneme that doesn't exist in English and is difficult to pronounce...

I gave it to John Lewis customer collection in Bluewater the other day just to see what they could make of it .

[daisythedog]

anna -- i realize that you probably won't want to share, but I'm very curious about what Jewish name wouldn't be pronouncable in English...

[mixedmama]

I have only read the original post.

I think it makes no difference in todays society really.

IMO I wanted us all to have the same surname and that is DH, and I am quite traditional and like it this way, as we are the X family if that makes sense. However, families come in all shapes and sizes and I guess surname is a small thing in the great scheme of things.

[FingerInTheMash]

MP thinks i am a man because i have an opinion that differs. Tut, tut. In itself not vez PC!

[ScottishMummy]

up to them, personal descision. a decision they have obviously discussed, so smile sweetly with no comment

imo you are expressing your subjective judgement/worries eg "Will people assume that the baby is hers from a previous marriage and her husband is the stepfather? Will it be odd for the child?"

so what people they do assume - nothing wrong with it

you are getting diverted from the real deal - the happy impending birth. your role as aunty

[lady007pink]

I think it's lovely that she's keeping your family name alive, given you have no brothers. Your parents must be pleased, because traditionally parents like to have a son in order to keep the name going and yours didn't. Or maybe I'm being a little old-fashioned in my thoughts here!

[ThursdayNext]

But her sister has asked for her opinion. Think it's perfectly valid for the original poster to see what other people think, she is obviously a bit worried about whether her first reaction is unusual and if there's an alternative view. Hopefully she will be reassured that the great majority of Mumsnetters at least think it's fine and not odd or a potential problem at all.

[imnot27]

I know, but honestly, it seems a little extreme to worry about it on someone elses behalf. And because of assumtions people wil make about unmarried parents etc.IYKWIM

[Walnutshell]

imnot27 - genuinely, IF ONLY it were really that simple.

[imnot27]

ffs, have you really got nothing better to worry about?

Children should get whatever name their parents want, preferably cos it's the nicest sounding! Or have both, or a bit of both, or whatever!

Jeeez...

[ThursdayNext]

Caroline, I've just asked DP for his opinion on your behalf.
We are not married, and DS has DPs surname. Can't even remember discussing this.
DP says he would have been OK with the idea if I had particularly wanted DS to have my surname, although he slightly prefers him to have his surname.
But he also thinks it's wierd that I have a different surname to DS. And he would think it was really wierd if we got married and I changed my surname to DPs.
Did that make any sense? It's all very contradictory, I don't think there's a truly satisfactory solution to surnames in the modern age (for us, at least). But I also think it doesn't really matter.
If your sister and her DH are both happy with their decision, it will be fine, and it won't be odd for the child, s/he will probably not give it a second thought. I'm really surprised that there are schools where nearly all the children have married parents with the same surname, but I live in London, maybe it's different here?
You sound like you wish your family all had the same surname. Perhaps your experience is different because you are naturally more conventional than your sister, or because having different surnames due to divorce is different to choosing them, IYSWIM?

[Caroline1852]

Morningpaper, you can be family and still be friends you know.

[Caroline1852]

Morningpaper - we have a very close relationship. It is not unusual in our family for us to run things past one another. At the same time, she was asking what I thought of various forenames they have come up with. Much the same as I have discussed forenames with her when pregnant with my 4 children. Is this sort of sisterly "what do you think?" really so unusual?

[morningpaper]

FingerInTheMash is sooooo a man

What is a bit odd Caroline is that she asked for your opinion. Why is that? Do you have a bit of a frosty relationship and she knew it would wind you up? Does she REALLY want your opinion? It just seems peculiar that she would CARE about your opinion, because it doesn't have anything to do with you. DYKWIM?

[Anna8888]

prettybird - each parent can pass on a maximum of one of his/her two surnames to any children. So any grandchildren will also have a maximum of two double-hyphenated surnames. But that could be their two grandmothers' maiden names, for example.

All children with the same two parents must bear the same surname, so the combination you give your firstborn will hold for any subsequent children of the same two parents.

[FingerInTheMash]

of course they do dear, that is because they are different

[allgonebellyup]

Fingerinthemash obviously is just here to piss people off and has no life - so ignore.

Even her opinions sound made-up.

[drosophila]

Come to think of it why diidn't he change his name to her surname......

[drosophila]

I also know a guy who married a Turkish woman and his surname in Turkish was virtually the same as the Turkish word for 'Shit'.

He changed his name by deed poll but not to her name but to a nice English name.

[PippiLangstrump]

fair enough.

[drosophila]

On the subject of names I used to know a -

Brian O' Brien and wait for it ...............in the same town a -

Dermot Mc Dermot.


Now perhaps if they had had their mothers surname.........

[FingerInTheMash]

I don't want to.

[PippiLangstrump]

I am sorry but I don't see this as a case of 'stranger danger' just being rude and off the mark.

why not express your opinion in a more polite and respectful way?

[FingerInTheMash]

now now Dino, that isn't very nice. I have the often familiar smell of.........cliqueyness in the air. 'Stranger Danger' takes on a different meaning here. Perhaps it should serve as a warning before new people join.