Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features



9 replies

Blu3b3ll84 · 21/12/2019 21:28

Hi, this is my first time posting but I really feel I need to vent!
I have 2 children, one from a previous relationship and one with my current partner. I am finding my partner’s mum increasingly difficult.
My youngest is her only grandchild, although she has always treated my older child like a grandchild too, which is great. She spoils the children terribly which I have come to accept but something has really irritated me today and I don’t know if i’m being unreasonable.
She has bought my children Christmas presents from each other for each other. My children are 1 and 8. My 8 year old has already chosen a present for her brother. Obviously the 1 year old is too young to choose a present for his sister but I feel this is a thing for my partner and I to do as their parents. My partner’s opinion is that his mum has saved us a job but it’s left me feeling very angry.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/12/2019 21:33

I'd think it was a bit odd because it's normally what parents do but I wouldn't get upset over it.

I'd still get them a present from each other to the other one.


Winterdaysarehere · 21/12/2019 21:35

Seems like she is going well out of her way for the dc to feel equal.
Ime do not knock it.
Mil dumped my dc when I had her actual dgc!!
Go figure that one!!


GlummyMcGlummerson · 21/12/2019 21:36


My mum does this and I find it weird. She also does some from me to the kids and vice versa. You'll be told it is innocent and sweet but if your MIL is anything like my mum (and she may not be) it is about control or one knows my mum, or your MIL, on here so they can't tell you if that's the case. But it's up to yourself to judge. I know my mum and it's 100% about having a control in my life


WorraLiberty · 21/12/2019 21:36

I'm not sure really because I think buying gifts 'from siblings' is a bit odd anyway, so I can't decide.

Mine waited until they were old enough to get and spend pocket money on gifts, if they chose to do so.

Before that, they'd make each other Christmas cards.


PositiveVibez · 21/12/2019 21:38

I'd let it go. It sounds like she is being really nice if a little bit off the mark. It's lovely that she has taken your eldest in as a grandchild.

Some of the horror stories you real in here about in laws treating non biological kids as outsiders are horrific.

I'd definitely let this one go.


Winterdaysarehere · 21/12/2019 21:39

Why not leave that new tradition to her every year?
Plenty more you and us can do for the dc.
She is making your dc feel inclusive despite her actual dgc arriving - she is telling you they mean the same to her.
Imo be bloody delighted!!


Blu3b3ll84 · 21/12/2019 21:39

Thanks for your comment. I think you’re absolutely right. This is not the only thing MIL has done and it’s perhaps a straw that broke the camel’s back kind of thing for me today.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 21/12/2019 21:52

"Angry" seems a strong word.

A lot of people would be quite jealous that she has "adopted" your older dc as if she were her grandchild and is treating them the same.

I mean, personally I've always thought it odd to buy something for a person and pretend a baby has bought it, when clearly they can't - but that is just one of those things you come to realise, as you meet more people, that families do things differently.

YABU 'venting' and 'being angry' about being lucky enough to have met a man whose family have welcomed your older child so wonderfully.


Lulualla · 21/12/2019 21:55

IRS her first grandchild. Some people struggle to realise the difference between being the parent and being the grandparent. She is doing what she did with her job kids, without actually realising that you are the parents so now it is your turn.
Just tell her you really appreciate the thought, but your son has already chosen the present for his brother, and its really for you to do and not for her so could she please not do that again.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?