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AIBU?

To really not understand...

169 replies

jamoncrumpets · 28/11/2019 17:58

How some parents can't seem to work out that their kids are autistic before they start primary school?

I've read at least five threads this week about kids with no diagnosis struggling in mainstream school. Kids that aren't even yet on the ASD diagnosis pathway.

How could your kid get to five and you not notice that they were autistic? Honestly?

To be absolutely clear I am not talking about parents who have noticed differences and have started on the diagnosis pathway - I know myself from experience that it can take up to two years to get a diagnosis.

I'm talking about parents who have not even begun that process.

I'm genuinely baffled by it.

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JellyTeapot · 28/11/2019 18:19

Schools are the gatekeepers of any assessment or support round here. I didn't realise my DS was possibly autistic until I had his younger siblings and the differences between them were clear. And I'm a teacher who has taught autistic children. I still don't know if he is actually autistic or just quirky because I've been struggling with school for the last two years to get him on the pathway to assessment. Which he may not even get anyway because it's all so woefully underfunded. It's not always black and white, it's very easy to not realise what's going on even if you have some experience.

MattBerrysHair · 28/11/2019 18:19

In order to be able to 'work out' that your dc's are autistic you first need to be aware of all the unique and varied ways that autism can present.

RandomMess · 28/11/2019 18:19

@jamoncrumpets

Because lots of DC don't display "classic" symptoms, or they don't spend time with other DC to see differences.

Geez if the professionals can get it wrong...

Also you can "tick" lots of the boxes and not be autistic...

stucknoue · 28/11/2019 18:18

It's a spectrum and symptoms vary. My DD's friend was diagnosed at 21. Girls in particular are diagnosed late because they are trouble and don't strand out

JacquesHammer · 28/11/2019 18:18

No I don't feel superior

And yet by asking the heavy implication is that you did it better.

BlueGingerale · 28/11/2019 18:18

Autism absolutely has grown.

Not awareness.

How many kids did you know when you were a child who were autistic? I don’t mean had a diagnosis. I mean, knowing what you know now, how many kids in your school behaved like they were autistic?

I do not remember a single kid in the 70s or 80s who had behaviour that would now be diagnosed with autism.

Helpimfalling · 28/11/2019 18:18

I didn't know till I was 30 so 🙄

jamoncrumpets · 28/11/2019 18:17

But surely you notice enough things in the home @RandomMess ?!

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jamoncrumpets · 28/11/2019 18:17

No I don't feel superior @JacquesHammer - honestly. I don't understand how a parent could not spot a non NT kid before the age of 5.

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RandomMess · 28/11/2019 18:16

@jamoncrumpets

No querying their child's behaviour etc with the school, asking them if they think there is something possibly "wrong" with their child...

Actually one DC was diagnosed as just having anxiety by the professionals because they're eye contact is too good for them to be autistic.

JacquesHammer · 28/11/2019 18:16

Is this one of those tiresome threads where the OP alleges they “don’t understand” a concept when in reality it’s just a poorly veiled attempt at being superior?

jamoncrumpets · 28/11/2019 18:14

Why are the parents asking the schools if their kid is autistic? @RandomMess Schools don't diagnose autism.

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jamoncrumpets · 28/11/2019 18:13

Nobody is 'a bit on the spectrum' @lljkk - that's not how autism works

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RandomMess · 28/11/2019 18:13

Often parents to ask the school about their DC to be told "there is nothing wrong" finally by mid teens when they are finally excluded because they aren't coping they agree perhaps they aren't NT 🙄

jamoncrumpets · 28/11/2019 18:13

Autism hasn't grown. Awareness has. But even so I would think that there would be flags early on.

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lljkk · 28/11/2019 18:11

If the parents are a bit on spectrum themselves they may just be delighted to have a kid who is like themselves.

BlueGingerale · 28/11/2019 18:10

You’ve forgotten how Autism has grown exponentially in the last 20 years.

10 years ago there wasn’t an autistic kid in every class.

20 years ago there wasn’t an autistic kid in every school.

How much did you know about Autism 20 years ago? (dS is 19)

jamoncrumpets · 28/11/2019 18:07

I find it genuinely baffling that you had absolutely no idea about autism

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BlueGingerale · 28/11/2019 18:04

I had no idea till my DS was 8.

I worked full time from when he was 2 months and didn’t really know any other kids his age.

He was fine at home because we adapted to him without realising we were.

I’d also never heard of Autism besides Rainman (DS is currently 19) and he was nothing like rainman.

School were complaining about him since nursery. They kept telling me he was naughty. When he absolutely wasn’t at home. They never told me they thought he was autistic.

Basically until he was 8 no one ever told me they thought he was autistic and I knew absolutely nothing about autism.

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