to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

[C8H10N4O2]

I choose to do this as I’m a smart responsible parent that understands there is a fair few single parents and SAHM that don’t have childcare available for a party especially one at the weekend or in the school holidays for other children

I think you misspelt "smug" and "self righteous".

I firmly feel based on my experience of raising several DC to adulthood, two of whom had Summer holiday birthdays, that its absolute
bollocks to say that siblings and random hangers on simply have to be accommodated.

There were plenty of single parents, working parents and cared for children amongst my kids' friends and none of their parents or carers ever assumed they could dump random siblings whilst they went elsewhere.

[snowball28]

@ffswhatnext

You are clearly very angry I am not agreeing with you or coming round to your way of thinking, but why would I?

You say you aren’t sure which part you are recounting well as you bolded and quoted the whole thing then I’d say you’re recounting everything, not sure what part of that could possibly be of any confusion.

Why can’t it be both? Who says? Just because you don’t feel someone else can find something annoying but accept it will happen regardless so take steps to mitigate this doesn’t mean it isn’t true just because you don’t agree with my thought processes, that is astonishingly arrogant of you.

I do firmly feel based on my experience that it’s inevitable being a mum of young school age children that of I host an all class party especially one on the holidays when my child’s birthday is that it is the logical outcome that other siblings may have to be brought along, whilst I find this frustrating I’ve learnt the best way to deal with this is to embrace it and make sure I’ve catered and planned for more.

I choose to do this as I’m a smart responsible parent that understands there is a fair few single parents and SAHM that don’t have childcare available for a party especially one at the weekend or in the school holidays for other children.

To clarify I do not feel obligated I do this because I want to and because sticking a few extra crisps and sandwiches out isn’t that big of a deal to me, I do this so my sons party can go ahead smoothly.

Just because you don’t agree with my way of thinking or handling things doesn’t mean I am wrong and you are right. We are two separate people of course we will feel vastly different and have vastly different levels of tolerance for certain issues. This is one of the issues I don’t feel so strongly about whereas clearly it’s the end of the world to you.

The I am right and everyone else is wrong until they agree with me mentality is wearing and juvenile, so o see any conversation with you will go absolutely nowhere except round in circles.

[SmileyGiraffe]

If the verminous cretin doesn't want to parent her child, she shouldn't have had it.

[SuperMumTum]

I'm a single parent so I often take an uninvited sibling to sit on the sidelines. No way on earth would I leave an uninvited sibling there or expect them to be fed anything. That is beyond rude.

[ffswhatnext]

@MummyMayo1988
Why do you all have to wait at the venue though? When there are other alternatives.
Many people find themselves in the same situation and look at alternative arrangements.
Take the other children out to the park or something. If it's raining, suitable clothing and jump in puddles. Feed the ducks. Go home. Get their hair done. Whatever.
Talk to other parents about shared drop off/pick ups.

Those were two of my main go to's. And occasionally, sorry kid you cannot go.

[ffswhatnext]

@MummyMayo1988
Why do you all have to wait at the venue though? When there are other alternatives.
Many people find themselves in the same situation and look at alternative arrangements.
Take the other children out to the park or something. If it's raining, suitable clothing and jump in puddles. Feed the ducks. Go home. Get their hair done. Whatever.
Talk to other parents about shared drop off/pick ups.

Those were two of my main go to's. And occasionally, sorry kid you cannot go.

[ffswhatnext]

@snowball28
I am not angry. Why would I be?

I think it’s par for the course that at some point as a parent if you do big all class parties then yes siblings will be brought along too, it is however annoying and inconsiderate. I’ve learnt over the years to over cater and write siblings welcome on the invit
Because I don’t have a problem with siblings turning up (hence the reason I write siblings welcome on invites after the first year) if you dislike it that’s your prerogative. Neither of us are wrong though are we

I am not sure what part of the above I am re-counting.

You say it's par for the course that siblings will be brought along. You even say it's annoying. But you do it because you don't have a problem. It cannot be both.
It's not par for the course. It shouldn't be an expectation. You shouldn't feel obligated because it will happen regardless.

[meganxz]

@mbosnz @phoenixrosehere we would use it as left overs for lunch etc next day dinner. It's just our thing...

[MummyMayo1988]

We have this problem at our school also.
I totally get that siblings are not automatically invited to a party but my DP doesn't get home in the evenings till 8pm. Which means that any parties that fall in a week day; I have no choice but to bring them all. However; I would NOT let the siblings sit at the party table or eat food/cake supplied by birthday child's mother/carer. I would bring my own snacks and we'd sit together.
In the past; birthday child's parent has come up to me and given me a slice of cake for siblings. I've always said; "oh you didnt need to do that. Have you got plenty? Ect". Theyve always said yes!
It is cheeky to just dump siblings at the party tho! If the party was in a weekend (while DP is home) I'd just take the invited child and leave the others at home.
Some mums just expect too much IMO! Doesn't hurt to just txt/call and explain that you have NO choice to bring siblings 🤷‍♀️

[snowball28]

@ffswhatnext

Why are you so angry? Also please re-read my posts you’ve made many errors in recounting them.

[TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner]

I don't know if YANBU or YABU to be honest OP.
I know that I am definitely BU for loving the style of this mother. It really made me laugh
It's a pity for the kids, but it'll teach those dreadful CF parents for next time.
If she were my friend in RL I'd high 5 her

[Cocoschaos]

Simple solution: Don't accept the ones who you didn't invite. Just say no. As for not realising they are in your house, well then have them come in one at a time, and don't allow them to all pile into the party room/house. It's nuts to have a load of kids there and not even know who's even there alrogether. There's absolutely no need. Don't facilitate CF behaviour in the first place. Sorted. Tbh i wouldn't give a crap about upsetting a queen bee either!

[ffswhatnext]

@snowball28
You said though throw a class party and siblings should be accepted anyway. To show you don’t mind you mention siblings.
And if you don’t mind then what’s the relevance. The host didn’t want them.
It’s great you thought sod it they are going to come anyway so might as well invite them. Afterall you host a class party and expect it to happen

[ffswhatnext]

However I also wouldn't throw a party if I couldn't afford to cater for more food

Meanwhile back on planet earth.
People have parties based on their circumstances.
I invite 20 I cater to that number.
I don’t think shit I need to cater for 30 to feed those not invited. If they get through tough shit, you shouldn’t be here. You can watch and have water. You are nothing to do with me.
If uninvited is hungry, how is that the hosts problem? Whoever left uninvited should have thought about it beforehand. I feed people I want to. Not any fucker who makes an appearance. It’s how the majority do it. The ones that allow and make concessions more fool you for being such a push over.
Queen bee or whoever doesn’t like you then. Win win. I pissed off the queen bee in the first half term. My kids haven’t suffered as a result over the past 20 odd years.

[Aaarrgghhh]

Oh my goodness. The people just abandoning their kids and running are in the wrong but ffs, why make a kid feel so humiliated like that. That’s awful, I’m sorry but I’m more pissed at her reaction than the kids being left.

[ffswhatnext]

I’d argue there’s a big difference in siblings turning up and a child that deliberately bullying the birthday boy/girl

It’s not always just siblings that turn up. Cousins, neighbours kids etc.

There is no difference. They weren’t invited and shouldn’t be taken to a party with the intention of leaving them there.

If your other children cannot bear the thought of sibling going and them staying, parent your children and teach them this is life. The world doesn’t revolve around them.

Don’t ask if siblings can come. They cannot. They aren’t named so deal with your uninvited yourself. Don’t involve the host because it’s not their problem.

[snowball28]

@FrancisCrawford

You definitely didn’t.

[snowball28]

No @ffswhatnext you don’t I do. Because I don’t have a problem with siblings turning up (hence the reason I write siblings welcome on invites after the first year) if you dislike it that’s your prerogative. Neither of us are wrong though are we?

[phoenixrosehere]

but then again I come from a culture where we would serve a meal for 20, just for 1 guest.

That sounds extremely wasteful. What happens to the leftovers? How much is the one guest expected to eat? If they eat a dessert plate of food and say they’re done, is that considered offensive?

[ffswhatnext]

@snowball28 even with a class party it isn’t a free for all. You tell the parents to nicely fuck off. You don’t cater for them and just allow it to happen. I’ve thrown whole class parties. The one where a parent was chased was a whole class party.

It’s very simple. An invite is for the person named. Not person named and any other fucker who wants to come.

[noenergy]

I have never heard of siblings being dropped off to parties. I don't know who would have the brass neck to do this. Only on Mumsnet!!!

[stairway]

Wouldn’t it be good if we went back to the old days of really simple cheap birthday parties for a few friends. Birthday party spending is ridiculous. The mother was ridiculous but the birthday party culture is also ridiculous.