At not being cross at dh's inability to even buy some bog roll when home alone?

[pointydog]

Have I gone soft, am I heading for divorce or am I in love?

After returning with dc, having spent 5 days away, I discover bit by bit as I wander round house that dh has not:

1. bought any household items (including bog roll, milk, something for tea) during teh 5 days (he bought some cheese and ready meals for himself)
   
2. done a wash (I have washed 10 pairs of keks and socks today)
   
3. done anything at all that could loosely be called housework (although he did wash his own dishes)
   
   The thing is, I was not really surprised, was not cross, and only mildly irritated.

[mazzystar]

only teasing

my dh is genetically incapable of putting dirty clothes in the washing basket. sometimes manages near

i choose to ignore this, he makes a mean creme brulee and gets up early with the bairns

[mazzystar]

may i ask - dare i - with what had he been wiping his behind? pages from the Racing Post?

[pointydog]

To put the record straight, he had not resorted to newsprint. Me and kids had been home for a couple of hours, we had finished th elast of the loo roll in the bathroom, dh went up and muttered about it being the last one and seemed to realise he should buy more.

I said nowt but a lot of thinking was going on.

[madamez]

It's not a man thing. I'm a fully functioning female and I am fairly crap at housework and stuff - have got slightly better now that I have DS (who is only 2 therefore not big enough to go to shop or load washing machine... though he does like to 'help' with hanging out the washing).
But then I don't like hosuework. It's boring, repetitive and low status but as I'm single, I have to do enough to keep the house from becoming a health hazard by myself -but at least I don't have to do another adult's share of it while said other adult sits about and whines that he's not capable of doing any.
Most men who won't do their share are not genetically incapable of doing so, they are just lazy, reluctant, and know that there's someone of lower status around (ie a woman) who will do it for them.

[pointydog]

I don;t think it's a man thing eoither

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

I am crappy at housework MZ - but I have slightly less tolerance of chaos and therefore 'break' first. For some reason (the male dominated hegemony) dh is under the impression that I was born with the innate ability to cook and clean and look after children but this is an arguement I have had many fruitless times with him ... communication is the only way round it.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

He does help btw - it is just that it is not something he enjoys and therefore avoids if he can...

[madamez]

BMSA: it's not for hm to 'help', try to reframe it as 'sharing' rather than 'helping' because that encourages the idea that it's your job ratherthan work to be divided between every adult in te household. Have yo tried assigning him jobs that, if they are not done, inconvenienc him mosre than anyone else?

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

I don't do ironing, but he loses his rag if he can't find his feckin underpants (which is quite often) - I leave his study to fester and occasionally chuck things in there that are getting in my way, he also has lawn responsibility... but I need to squeeze more out of him

[hotchocscot]

walbert, rofl! have had exactly same discussion with hubby over the emptying of pockets before washing! however, after a week of doing it when i couldn't be bothered keeping arguing and found a total of around four quid in cash from various pockets and had yummy carrot cake and, of course, a hot chocolate out of it, i told dh graciously that i agreed to do the emptying. He still doesn't know ...

[lizziemun]

madamez

That was a joke about it being a "manthing", unfortunley it is the way dh has been brought up.

My MIL has clear lines which is 'womens' work and 'mans' work. She would rather sit in the dark then change a broken lightbulb as that's mans work.


UnquietDad

I think i must be doing something wrong as i check the oil/water in the car and mow the lawn.

DH will do things if i ask him, but he just takes to long to them.

[UnquietDad]

See, I knew some women did those things! And I mow the lawn, mend things and put up shelves, but have never checked the oil in the car.

I'm not saying we can live with mess. I certainly can't - could never leave a dirty nappy abandoned, for example. But DW admits that I don't "see" dust the way she does, whereas I am more sensitive to what I call "clutter". If it's away in a drawer, that's fine with me.

[WideWebWitch]

I'm with madamez, it's not a man thing, it's a lazy bastard thing, whether it's a man or a woman doing it.

I married men (plural, on marriage #2) who accepted that it was not my job to shop, cook, clean or look after the children, it's a joint responsibility. Dh and I both make sure we live somewhere habitable and children are kept alive by being fed.

I'll admit to being the one who mainly changes the loo roll but it's bought by whoever does the shopping, which could be either of us.

I left dh alone with 2 children (he worked ft oth too) for six months while I worked away during the week and when I got back at weekends he'd shopped, cooked, cleaned, bought loo roll and kept them alive and happy.

So, in answer to the OP, you've gone soft. Imho.

[WideWebWitch]

snort Sobernow at the 70s. Perhaps you too could go back to the 70s and when he gets back you could be running a consciousness raising group so he'd come back to find you inspecting yout fanjos and talking about the politics of housework

[AnnainNZ]

Dh does his own washing, I have simply never offered to do it.

Having done the washing and hung it out on line he is not always great at bringing it in when dry. I once counted to see how long it took him to bring it in.

It took five weeks

[motherinferior]

I do think that we live in a culture that enables/facilitates men 'not to notice' housework and suchlike (god, I would love to be able to be like that, the bliss, I could say it was all in my cojones as I aimlessly looked for the loo roll fairy). But that is not an excuse for grown blokes, I reckon.

I will freely admit I don't Do the car, but frankly anyone who has had the (mis?)fortune to talk to the father of my children about cars will realise they are an obsession for him.

[motherinferior]

Strangely enough the most hopeless bloke of the three I've lived with was extremely good at housework. Despite being a borderline alcoholic who smoked all the time and was generally appalling in many other ways.