To ask was parenting like you thought it would be?

[PriestessModwena]

I follow various parenting social media accounts, it's sad to see Mothers/Parents who look dejected, as their child/ren have played on their last nerve or things haven't gone as expected, deviating from the dreamlike parent routine is a failure of sorts.

I think we as parents should be more aware/accepting that parenting isn't always a dream, with times when baby/toddler/child or teenager does not act like the angelic little cherub you expected.

Different stages of child development have their own quirks as it were. (Even into adulthood!)

I'm sure this gets discussed, I think from time to time it's good to have a reminder that parenting is seldom how you expected. Some expectations you have/had about parenting, totally go out of the window.

I had fertility treatment for DC, I had all these great ideas on what I'd do, how I'd never do x/y/z, in the end CBeebies as mind numbing as it is, can buy you time to make yourself / your home look half presentable. You can buy all the children's books published, if DC hates reading you can't force them. Car journeys over certain times can be made easier with DVD's / electronic devices.

The best advice I had whilst pregnant / parenting, was you can buy all the parenting books in the world, watch all the videos of airbrushed perfect parents, read all the blogs, just remember your DC are unique, it would be a bit dull if one size fit all. Especially with babies & toddlers, they're not programmed with whatever latest expert is saying to achieve perfect parenting.

You have to do what's right for your DC & yourselves.

Is there anything you would pass on to those who are entering the world of parenting at all? Or for the parent who is really struggling?

[freshasthebrightbluesky]

Yes I think so. I love my dc so much I could burst but they do my tits in something chronic and I find looking after them can be a bit boring but I knew that anyway from how my siblings described parenthood.

I didn't expect to be so skint though!

[Namechangedonceagain]

I thought having a child would be tough. And maybe a bit boring and isolating. I have found it to be lovely and surprisingly easy, really fun, and instead of isolating I feel like I have my best little mate with me all the time! So it's a big improvement to what I expected!

[MayFayner]

First time around, yes it was pretty much as I expected. I don’t know what I expected really, I was just 25 when DD was born and her F walked out when she was 6 weeks. But parenting her was a dream and everything made sense and was lovely. She’s 18 now.

When she was 12/13ish I decided I wasn’t ready to not be the mother of a young child anymore so I had DS1 and DS2, now nearly 5 and 3. I expected the parenting experience to be the same as it had been with DD- it bloody isn’t. It’s 100% harder, every day is a hill to climb. I love them so much but by god do they push me to the end of my wick...

[Phineyj]

I hadn't expected quite so much of it to be constantly trying to get them to do things they don't want to do...

[Tumbleweed101]

I think the hardest bit was discovering that your real children are nothing like the children you’ve imagined having! That started from even before my son was fully born and they announced he had blonde hair. I’d been picturing a little dark haired baby!

[sar302]

@NaviSprite We only have one, and still I answer often (when my husband asks how our day was) "we're both still alive 🤷‍♀️".

I was sure I wasn't going to enjoy my baby being a baby - and I didn't. However, i'm surprised by how much I enjoy him as a toddler! I also expected to go back to work at 10 or 11 months. But at 19 months I'm still a SAHM. I think having a child - even with the annoyances - has surpassed my expectations!

[nannymcpee]

Amen Sister. Im blasting my Kegal 8 machine to ACDC in the hope i wont be able to water my neighbours plants everytime i blow up a birthday balloon.

[nannymcpee]

Me too sweetie the menopause is the worst. Go older moms xxxx

[IWouldPreferNotTo]

No book said that 90% of the time my baby is crying is because he's rolled onto his front and is now crying because he's forgotten how to roll back despite being able to do it during the day.

No book warned me how hard a baby can hit you in the face while laughing.

No book warned me how my standards for yuck would drastically lower to the point where a bit of vomit on a shirt can stay as imm not changing three shirts a day

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

I had lots of nieces and nephews and my siblings and I are quite similar in personality & parenting ethos, so parenting is largely how I expected. I didn't have rose tinted specs! It helped hugely that my nieces and nephews are a real range and my siblings had found a lot of solutions for various different tricky phases etc. Eg one sibling in particular gave me a wealth of food related tips that I am sure massively helped warding off or at least minimising fussy eating. Another sibling had brilliant sleep/nap tips.

The thing you can't be prepared for imho is how much you genuinely bloody adore your own DC and literally think they are completely objectively perfect. I am so bloody blind to any imperfections in my darling pfb

[nannymcpee]

Great mummy you are. When these little ones are born we dont expect that they have their own little personalities we can only work with them not against them. Xxxxcc

[HavelockVetinari]

Parenting is even better than I imagined - even with the shit bits. I struggled to conceive for years before having DS through IVF, and even though he was a truly abysmal sleeper for the first year and a half I'm still in a bubble of happiness at his existence. Sorry if that's soppy!

[nannymcpee]

Keep going sweetie parenting aint no job for sissys mom power. Xxxx

[Fivebyfivesq]

Thought it was going to be horrific. Actually find it rewarding and fun. Sleep deprivation is terrible but I’m fulfilled by it in a way I never thought I would be.

Also - I actually found some of the books very helpful. I have found the phrase ‘every baby is different’ to be a massive health visitor cop out - there is actually loads you can learn about the stages of children’s development and so much you can do to support them at each stage. I’ve enjoyed learning about babies from books and other mums’ experiences - this kind of learning can be reassuring and positive - not a competition.

[foreverhanging]

Fuck no. It was sold to me as the most amazing, fulfilling, wonderful thing you'll ever do. Endless cuddles and giggles. The occasional tantrum for hilarious reasons. Exciting to wean them and pick out clothes.

Reality?

Drudgery most of the time, a lot of whinging, following you around while you try to keep the house afloat, making everything messy, pulling on your clothes, keeping them away from dangerous stuff, needing eyes in the back of your head, cuddles - except you have an elbow in your collarbone or a foot kicking you or your hair being accidentally pulled, tantrums every day about the most ridiculous (not funny) stuff, worrying about her eating enough, cooking things to throw them away again, sometimes going through three outfits a day because she's pooped herself/chucked jam on everything/got wet and screamed to have outfit off. Post natal depression.

Oh and I'm fat now.


(Disclaimer: I fucking love her more than anything, and I would never ever give her back for all the money and time alone in the world. I also cannot believe I made her, and when she is not tantruming or whinging, she is actually so clever and hilarious).

It makes me laugh how naive I was - oh I'll sleep train (definitely couldn't do that), I'll never let her watch tv (hello CBeebies and DisneyLife), I won't let her use a phone or tablet (see previous), I'll be so strict about tantrums (in Tesco walking out with a screaming toddler under one arm saying sorry, sorry). There are more but I can't remember.

[foreverhanging]

@TheDarkPassenger omg this ! Seriously it drives me crazy. Toddlers do not give a fucking shit.

[foreverhanging]

I forgot the sleep. The sleep was the worst. She did not. Fucking. Sleep. All this 'newborns sleep all the time!' She fucking didn't. Ever. She had reflux, and colic. And was generally pissed off at being a baby. She used to wake up every 45 minutes. I nearly died.

[AmIRightOrAMeringue]

I didn't realise how organised I'd have to be

And how much strain it would put on us as a couple at first

[Fuckedoffat48b]

Yes, but he is only 8 months and I hated the newborn bit. But I am the eldest of my generation and had a lot of babies around me growing up so my expectations are as realistic as possible. I'm dreading toddlerhood because I am well aware of what is coming!

We are currently on holiday and it has been lovely despite loads of people naysaying about how awful it would be. I know other new mums who have hated the impact having a baby has had on their ability to 'travel', but I think they were a bit spoiled to begin with, sorry 😶

[AgnesNutterWitch]

I have a 13 month old and being her mum has been a total dream so far. My kid is so easygoing and sweet.

The unexpected part that I've really struggled with is the physical side of motherhood. My pregnancy and labour were complicated and awful, then I had sepsis post partum, and the fallout from my SPD meant that I still had mobility problems up to around seven months after the birth. And breastfeeding, my god, I wasn't prepared. It was hellish at first and even now I'm still breastfeeding and I don't feel like my body's my own. Losing the baby weight was the worst slog because breastfeeding makes me ravenous all the time and getting back to exercising was a long, slow, painful road that I'm still plodding along a year in. Also for the first three months after giving birth, I had to put my finger in my vagina and press on my perineum if I wanted to poo properly because of the episiotomy / tearing. And sex is still painful and just not enjoyable any more.

I had this really naive idea that because I was healthy and quite athletic pre pregnancy that I'd sail through and bounce back, maybe have a few pounds to lose but that would be it. But pregnancy and birth absolutely broke me, it was a shit show.

[StripeySocks29]

I agree 100% with not everyone feels the instant rush of love, I was all set up for it but when I was pregnant I hadn’t really thought about what my baby would look like, and I’d never been around babies really, so when they handed my baby to me the first thing I felt was shock, I was expecting something akin to a plastic dolly or a cartoon baby not the wrinkly jaundiced snub nosed thing covered in blood that I was holding.

[Poetryinaction]

Pretty much. I have 3 aged 5 and under right now. I totally love it but my husband struggles.

[EssentialHummus]

the quantity of loitering

This. Also, she didn’t look like I expected. And everything everyone else said about stress, tantrums and chores. But then she sticks her fingers up my nose or chases after the ice cream van or puts two words together (she’s 22 months) and I just think she’s the most amazing thing in the world. She’s taken to coming up to me and her dad and saying “Hug?” - I mean, how can you resist?!

[carly2803]

no-i genuinly had no idea when people said"you wont ever sleep for years"

i thought they were bullshitting.

:D

[Mummoomoocow]

The never ending guilt that you’re doing it wrong.

How monotonous every day becomes between 9 months to 18 months. He’s still 17 months, I’m just being very very hopeful.

Separation anxiety is a genuine real developmental milestone and you should definitely emotionally prepare for your laidback angel to suddenly cling to you like glue and bawl immediately upon leaving the room to use the toilet

The never ending slog that weaning is. My MIL was so excited for weaning and I cannot understand why, it’s the most stressful development thus far! Just eat the fucking food FGS!! I made you all of this food because you’re hungry and you won’t eat it and now your crying because you’re hungry and I have to cook you something else to eat which is going to take another 30 minutes. Oh. My. God. Fuck. Weaning.