To think my friend is implying that my ds is more stupid than her ds

[Sterny]

This is incredibly trivial but has been bugging me.

I have a friend whose ds was born at full term 5 days after my ds. My ds was 6 weeks premature though so was a fair bit smaller than her son.

Her son seems to have done everything before my ds and everytime he does something she texts me or rings me and goes on and on about it. When both our babies had their 8 month check with the hv she made a point of saying that the hv told her that her ds was 'extremely advanced and intelligent' and looked at me pityingly when I reported that the hv had just told me that my ds was doing fine. It seems like anything my ds does, hers does better and I end up feeling like my ds is somehow less intelligent than hers as a result.

Am I being oversensitive about her comments. Feel free to tell me to stop being so silly

[haychee]

Ive always found, premature or not, babies do develop certain things at different rates. It doesnt mean one is less able than the other its just the way it is. By the time they get to school, it will of all evened out. Sound like your friend isnt actually much of a friend after all if all she can do is try to make you feel bad like this. I have been proud of my dds for certain milestones that they have made but i wouldnt dream of telling a friend to make them feel silly.
Make sure you rub her nose in it when your ds does something hers hasnt yet!

[SueW]

This is going a bit away from the original question but picking up on 'realising potential'. I think children who are very bright from an early age don't always learn a lot about having to work to achieve i.e. effort=reward and therefore can come a cropper later on.

Children that find it harder to achieve learn to put in effort and form good habits for later in life.

Unless whoever is raising any child gives them opportunities to be challenged - whether it's extension work in a classroom, playing ball with them in park/garden, providing an instrument, etc I think it's difficult for any child to learn to make an effort in subjects they are not naturally good at.

[SueW]

To answer the OP - having hijacked! - I think you should look on it as your friend being really excited at what her DS is doing and being somewhat insensitive about telling you.

Also beware of interpreting her looks: "looked at me pityingly when I reported that the hv had just told me that my ds was doing fine" - maybe her expression was one of regret that she'd been so shouty about her DS.

Remember - you can't change other people, you can only change the way you react to them.

[Sterny]

Thanks everyone for your opinions. You've all made some very sensible points. Thinking about it some more, my feelings about this particular friend are muddied by the fact that we went through our pregnancies at the same time, compared experiences throughout but I gave birth prematurely whereas she didn't. I realise I actually feel quite jealous of her for having a 'normal' birth and being able to take her healthy full-term baby home with her whereas I couldn't for several weeks.

I feel I've got my annoyance off my chest now. Thanks mumsnet!

Nineunlikelytales - I sent you a reply to your email about a week or so ago. Did you get it?

[WilkiesWizardWheezes]

I would go with what CarGirl says if you dare (I would).

My BF and my DSs are 2 weeks apart, we made a pact never to be competitive about them and haven't. My DS has crawled very early at 6 months but her DS got his teeth early and slept through early (mine still doesn't).

Just be proud of your LO for his achievements and issue CarGirls excellent put down which should/will embarrass her.

On the other hand, to text you such an insensitive text when you DS was in SCBU I would prob dump her as a mate

[alicet]

Sterny Have only skim read thread but have to say I agree with everyone who has said to try and ignore her.

Thanksfully I've managed to keep away from competitive mums like this so far but I'm sure will have to contend with it at some point. But to be honest as long as you're happy your ds is progressing normally then I would just ignore her - she is obviously very insecure and heading for a fall if she brags like this. Nothing wrong for being proud of your lo and bigging them up but I think thats different....

Obviously if your question is really because you are worried about your ds then take him to see your health visitor and they will be able to reassure you.... Good luck to you!

[NineUnlikelyTales]

Sterny - no I didn't (am off to check spam folders again)