I would really appreciate your views on this please

[howwudufeel]

I have changed a view details but essentially how would you feel in this situation? DD was very badly bullied for about six months by a few girls. It was absolutely horrendous and the bullying was very cruel. These girls did everything they could to humiliate and ridicule Dd. I noticed that Dd became very unhappy and withdrawn as did some teachers. Eventually it came out (Dd burst out crying and told me everything). The school were informed. The girls who were responsible were very much the queen bee and her entourage types. Very bright and very popular. The school love these girls and their parents. To be fair the girls admitted what they had done and said sorry to Dd. I think the main queen bee got a day long suspension. I don’t want to go into detail about the bullying go fear of being outed (I have namechanged) but the bullying was sustained and some of it had a sexual element. It was very weird and very humiliating. If we had gone to the police I believe the girls would have been in big trouble.
Here’s my problem. The queen bee who was at the heart of this has just been made head girl. I am incredibly angry and upset and I wonder how others would feel in the same position?

[Emera]

@ThinWomansBrain

Is there anywhere you can report outside of the school?
LEA/OFSTED/Parent company if its a group of academies?
Trustee Board/School Governors

Although I do agree that after two years if there have been no recurrences she could have leaned her lesson and it no longer be an issue.

This is an old thread. Personally I feel that there are plenty of children who can be selected as head students who do not have a history of bullying others.

[ThinWomansBrain]

Is there anywhere you can report outside of the school?
LEA/OFSTED/Parent company if its a group of academies?
Trustee Board/School Governors

Although I do agree that after two years if there have been no recurrences she could have leaned her lesson and it no longer be an issue.

[Emera]

@orwellwasright

Charming cunts rule the world. That's why we end up with popularist politicians. It's beyond depressing.

You're very right. It's crap. I want to see good people getting rewarded in life.

[orwellwasright]

Charming cunts rule the world. That's why we end up with popularist politicians. It's beyond depressing.

[libbyl]

I know this is an old thread but I just wanted to vent too. A bully at my dc school has just been made head pupil and the school are aware of what this child did. For children to watch and see children rewarded for being a bully is so unfair. No, they mustn't be punished forever but why give them a role like that? There are plenty of kind children who apply for things like this.

[coldshins]

It's not too late to involve the police if that's what your daughter wants. It's never too late.

[howwudufeel]

That is very wise Sindragosan

[Sindragosan]

I understand on a personal level that it hurts, but it is a good life lesson if you want to call it that, that not everyone in a position of power is a good person.

I had a sheltered life and was then massively shocked when I went to university and one of the senior lecturers was a massive racist, misogynist bully. Same when I started work, majority of the senior management team were real arseholes.

[howwudufeel]

The bully and their entourage did stop the bullying but they still swagger around the school like they own it. Bully has made racist comments in the past and has a superiority attitude and whilst I have had little to do with them since it happened I can’t imagine they have completely changed.

[bellinisurge]

I'd be annoyed. A little bit of me would want to fast forward to 35 years later and see what a shocking mess they made of their lives. As I am in my 50s, I can actually do that about some queen bee types I knew at school. But this is of little comfort when you are in the middle of it.
The school has fucked up.

[NormHonal]

My DC’s bully was allowed to stay on in a similar position of responsibility in spite of being punished repeatedly for poor treatment of others.

I made my feelings known. Not a lot changed.

Sadly it’s very much a school where the Queen Bees are allowed to flourish at the expense of others, and it makes the lives of other children miserable.

[BackInTime]

Students who have behave in this way should be excluded from being Head Girl or Boy. What kind of message does this send to bullies and their victims? Also what kind of message does is send to other students, that are kind and well behaved but go unnoticed and never get picked for these things.

[ThatssomebadhatHarry]

I went to a teacher training session once where the trainer suggested cosying up to the queen bee to make others fall in line. I actually felt sick. What does this teach kids about their roles in the world and who are we encouraging in positions of power and influence? Fubar!!!

[Booboostwo]

What is the girl’s behaviour like now? Has she learnt from her awful behaviour two years ago? Is she genuinely remorseful? If she is a different person, it would be really counterintuitive for the past behaviour to continue having negative consequences. She is a child who made an awful mistake that resulted in substantial harm to another, innocent child, but if she has faced up to this mistake it should not rule her entire school career.

[howwudufeel]

That is very insensitive whatthefunk. I wonder whether schools don’t think or don’t care in situations like that.

[Whatthefunk]

Schools can be very insensitive. My Dd was bullied badly, in year 5. And at the end of year awards, he was given a prize for maths, the prizes were given out in pairs, and he had to go on stage with his bully. Really took the shine off his achievement, for him....

[ScrewyMcScrewup]

Really awful. In my school and sixth form the head girl and boy were chosen by the teachers, which is as it should be IMO.

[InTheHeatofLisbon]

howwudufeel

I think also that even if she is a reformed bully the school ought to think about how her actions impacted her victims and avoid rewarding that because it doesn't send a constructive message to those she hurt.

[howwudufeel]

That’s what I was thinking InTheHeat.

[InTheHeatofLisbon]

I think it would be unfair to continue to punish her

I don't think that not rewarding bullying by not allowing her to become head girl is a punishment. It's a consequence.

[howwudufeel]

I am trying to move on but it is difficult.

[BlingLoving]

I'm going to go against the grain here. It happened two years ago. I think it would be unfair to continue to punish her. Of course, that assumes that her behaviour DID change subsequently and that she learnt her lesson.

[recrudescence]

You should write to the head expressing your very great displeasure but also accept that is all you can practically and realistically do. Try to draw a line under it there because it’s a shame you find it so troubling still - your daughter seems to have moved on and I feel you should try to as well.

[IvanaPee]

I think I’d write an email/letter to the head just outlining my disgust. I really do.

[howwudufeel]

It’s just eaten me up so much. Anyone who has been bullied or who has a child that’s been bullied has my total sympathy. It’s an horrendous thing to experience.