AIBU to hate “hug mugging”?

[EleanorOalike]

I don’t know why but I’m feeling really upset because this evening a complete stranger (a woman) approached me to give me a compliment and basically forced a lot of physical affection on me which I didn’t want.

I grew up in a household that was abusive, emotionally and physically and I wasn’t shown much love or affection. For that reason, I’ve always found hugs quite scary and I am physically often quite awkward. My friends and loved ones understand when I explain “I don’t really do hugs” and I am able to be physically affectionate over time once my walls come down. It’s hard to describe but I feel suffocated and like I can’t run away when someone forces a hug on me. I get very panicked. It is something I am trying to get over and like I said, I’m fine with people I trust that I know I’m safe with. I’ve also had counselling and my counsellor says it’s normal for what I’ve been through and that it’s great that I am able to be physically affectionate when I feel safe.

Anyway, this evening, I was stood against a wall talking to my friends. A woman I have never seen before in my entire life, who was a lot older and bigger than me (probably mid to late 50s, taller and about 5 stone heavier), came up to me to give me a compliment, in the process grabbing my face in her both her hands and kissing me very sloppily on my cheek, then holding me hard as she was very strong and forcefully rubbing my back over and over. I completely froze and panicked. I’m sure she meant well but the feeling was so very, very awful. It felt horribly intimate and I hated having her spit on my face.

I’ve come home and I feel really horrible and keep replaying it and wondering what I could have done differently. She just came out of nowhere and blindsided me and got me in a strong grip. I know it sounds ridiculous but I feel quite tearful and nauseated. I think it’s triggered an anxiety as I’ve realised this could happen at any time. I have had two similar experiences before which led to sexual assault and maybe I’m also scared that this could happen again and I’ve no idea how to protect myself. One of the perpetrators was a woman of a similar age and type to the woman today.

Is it U to think that people shouldn’t force hugs and kisses on people, especially strangers?

Has anyone got any advice for how to get out of unwanted hugs/kisses?

I’m so angry at myself for clamming up and saying “PLEASE STOP KISSING AND TOUCHING ME!”.

[TemporaryPermanent]

Sounds a truly horrible experience.

I'm not sure if you plan to go back to that church?

I wouldn't rush to do anything. Be aware that this person was in the wrong. If you either plan to avoid the church because of her or are worried that it might happen again, you could over time consider contacting the vicar to inform them what happened. I wouldn't have expectations that the vicar could or would actually do anything but forced physical contact is not ok. I doubt you are the only person who has experienced this from her.

[TheMaddHugger]

I think even I would be creeped out by that lady.

[Aria999]

I would be creeped out by this. No idea how I would react but probably with frozen horror just like you did (and I don't mind normal social hugging).

Sorry you had to experience it, hope you feel better soon.

[Februaryblooms]

I'm just like you OP.

I hate physical contact due to a lack of warmth received as a child and then later on in life being assaulted. The combination has left me extremely uncomfortable with physical contact, the only exception being my very young DC.

I too have an aunt that does exactly this, to strangers and family alike and she doesn't seem to grasp the concept that for some people it's just too intrusive and suffocating.

I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you can put it out of your thoughts soon and I hope the next person this woman attempts to do it to tells her to fuck right off.

[wigglesniggles]

I'd be left feeling icky for a while after too. She sounds a bit unhinged and you were unfortunate.

I don't know what you could have done differently other than physically retailate or say something stern. YANBU.

[TheMaddHugger]

@EleanorOalike same Lady maybe 🌻🌼💐🍫🤗
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3564039-Unwanted-hugs-and-kisses-from-lady-at-church

[EleanorOalike]

@TheMaddHugger - that’s crazy that there’s been another post about something similar occurring in a church so close to mine. Although to be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if that one was my OTT Aunt .

@TemporaryPermanent I’ve been going to this church several times
a week for over 15 years and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen her. She must have been a visitor. I hope she didn’t do the same thing to the priest!

[EleanorOalike]

Thanks for all the lovely responses and to other abuse survivors.