To wonder how people are still so homophobic?

[uptodatetech]

I've noticed it on here and in the village I was brought up in. My best friend in school was gay and he had an absolutely horrible time. He heard anti gay comments on the street and at home and couldn't wait to escape the valleys for London. I funnily enough moved there too. We are still good friends and the other day, I was asking him does he regret leaving home. He says even though he would love to live in the area where all his family lived and he was brought up; he never could due to the rampant homophobia.

When I was back at Christmas, there was a group of men 10 or so, in the pub chanting that "There are no poofters in this village". I was at how backward and homophobic people still are at home. Whilst of course there are homophobic people everywhere; I just feel so badly for any gay people struggling to grow up there still.

Where I live, we have a few gay mums and a few gay dads. There is no way on earth I could imagine them feeling safe visiting as a family unit to where I grew up. Then on here, I read anti-gay family posts.

How are people still so homophobic? Will it improve?

[Orangeballon]

Strong denial of homosexuality often implies that men are frightened to accept they have sexual feeling for other men.

[RubberTreePlant]

Pink News is a less reliable source than the tabloids. I wouldn't set amy store by their hyperbole.

[Alicewond]

The only positive thoughts on this I can offer is to see the change one generation has already made. Think back 30 years and being anti gay was almost normal, now most people would see these reactions as very wrong. I would like to hope in one more generation sexual orientation won’t even raise an eyebrow

[RubberTreePlant]

I'm sure every possible bigotry surfaces here sometimes gun.

[Sobeyondthehills]

I think its very much to do with people's upbringings.

My cousin came out gay around 1990, they were worried about telling my gran. My Dad just came out with it. Her response oh like Mark from Eastenders. I hope he wears a condom.

She had some outdated views, but was always willing to give anyone a chance.

[Twofurrycatsagain]

Based on totally unscientific annecdata: I'd say that 99% of my female friends /acquaintances could not give a toss if you are gay male or female. This is not the case for the male cohort. Lesbians appear to be an affront to their sexual prowess and gay men are predators, out to' turn you' or sissy etc. It seems to be a common slur to say that (hair cut/item of clothing etc) makes you look gay among men.

[LucyBabs]

Is calling yourself "queer" taking back the word? Like when being called queer was an insult?
I can't imagine calling myself a slut as a way of "claiming" the word IYKWIM?
Its always an insult

[SnowyAlpsandPeaks]

I live in the valleys. Have several gay friends. Have a bisexual cousin. I am bisexual. My children are 14 & 19, one of my eldest son’s closest friends is gay, and came out when he was 16. My children think of someone being gay as no different to someone being straight.

I admit years ago there would be unpleasant gay things said in the pub but mostly in jest, and from ignorance, as people didn’t ‘come out’ so easily. I truly believe the younger generation are so much more accepting of individuals regardless of their sexual orientation, race or ethnicity,

Out of my kids friends we have those that are- gay, black, Asian, Muslim, disabled and immigrant. But my kids see them just as friends. Thankfully all their friends feel the same. Yes I can only talk about my town in the valleys and my children’s experience. But we can’t be a one off, we aren’t special.

[araiwa]

Religion or their own homosexuality covers most of it i reckon

[amandacarnet]

I have seen homophobic comments and threads on MN that are not deleted. They are always left because it is framed as a religious belief. Even legally religion trumps the rights of lesbian and gay people.
By the way many older lesbian and gay people hate the word queer. I know it is popular amongst young people. But many older lesbian and gay people had a lot of abuse with the word queer used as a common insult.
I think homophobia is becoming slightly more common again due to religious belief.

[Inadvertentlybrilliant]

@Orangeballoon

Or strong denial could just mean that they aren't homosexual and don't have sexual feelings for other men.

[Coyoacan]

I have seen homophobic comments and threads on MN that are not deleted. They are always left because it is framed as a religious belief

Odd, I spend way too much time on mumsnet and I have never seen this, in fact, considering the general ethos of mumsnet, being homophobic would result in a pile on.

[amandacarnet]

Coyoan, maybe we have different ideas of what is homophobic? But yes I have read people arguing from a religious viewpoint that they do not want their children being taught at school that being homosexual is normal.
And this is not an unusual view.

[Linning]

YANBU

While I find most people mid-30's and under mostly tolerant and open-minded/gay friendly I am shocked to see people who are still relatively young (late 30's+) still acting like it's the 50's regardless of their religion (plenty of the homophobes I know aren't atheist).

I grew up hearing "nobody will be gay in this family" from my stepdad, and bad luck for him turned out I was which led to a "as long as it's not my sons" statement , eventually he got over it but it enrage me to see my 18yo sibling, who for now doesn't seem to have any interest in dating (which is fine) constantly being questioned about potential girlfriends and when someone (a bit more open minded) dare add " or boyfriend" hear a loud gasp from some followed quickly by a few comments about how that's just not really the done thing.

It's infuriating. Then you have my aunt, who have needed 8 years to conceive her child through IVF but will tell you about how gays shouldn't have kids as it's not natural (when neither is IVF but I guess it's fine to force nature if you are straight ).

Utterly ridiculous.

It is infuriating that in 2019 we still have plenty of people making bigoted comments about gays or caring so much about something that genuinely doesn't affect them.

[Linning]

Forgot to add that ironically the most supportive of them all is my grandma who couldn't give two hoots about who I date or don't date as long as they treat me right (which should be the only thing that matters in every relationship!)

[Weenurse]

I agree that the younger 30’s and under are more inclusive. I find my generation 50’s and older are generally less tolerant.

[malificent7]

This is why religion is a load of old bollocks really.
Its all about control....lets make sure you comply otherwise the rest of the community will shun and punish you.
Newsflash...if there was a God he shouldnt be homophobic. Why make gay people on the dirst place of you are going to then allow your worshipers to persecute them.

[malificent7]

First

[amandacarnet]

Malificent,it is based on the idea of fee will. So those gay and lesbian people are choosing to sin and should instead just choose to be married to someone of the opposite sex and have kids. Bollocks I agree.

[malificent7]

Yy...complete bollocks! Even if it is free will .( probably isn't) ..so what?!

[SerenDippitty]

WelcomeToGreenvale in my workplace your colleague’s behaviour would not be tolerated. It’s harassment. Do you have a HR department /diversity and inclusion team you could talk to?

I live and work in Wales and my workplace actively encourages LGBT colleagues to be themselves.

[Homefireburn1ng]

I have read homophobic comments on here. I reported one re religious beliefs recently and it was deleted.

I have a gay son and we live in a naice middle class area and he goes to a very naice popular school. He was bullied quite badly- physically, online and verbally. Homophobic language was rife. Within our community has been mocked in the street by old primary school peers who have found out his sexuality.We reported it each time and his school have been amazing in stamping it out and supporting him. He is fine now but it had a massive impact on mental health and he needed councelling.

Homophobia is everywhere and it has been a big shock for me to discover that.It isn’t until you have a gay child or are gay yourself that you really notice. It needs to be called out each and every time as the impact on gay children who grow up to be gay teens and adults is huge.

On a more positive note he has had some lovely support from adults and friends. I do think kids on the whole are more inclusive but there are one or two unpleasant characters and still ignorance re homophobic language.

[pessimisticstateofperception]

My mother always told us growing up that she would rather us be dead than bring shame on the family by being gay.

One of my dc is gay another is struggling with gender identity, she reported me to social services for 'forcing my children to be be LGBT' (not that I have spoken to her for years, she just hears things through the grapevine) so much that she got a police warning.

My brother is a heroin addict who has trashed her house, stolen from her, had dealers at her door threatening her, and had police raiding her house several times a year, and she thinks the sun shines out of his backside.

She can accept a junkie stealing from her and making her life a living hell and putting her into thousands of pounds of debt that she cant afford but can't accept that my children are gay and have a haircut and clothes that are, obviously, strictly meant for the opposite sex.

Says it all really.

[BroomstickOfLove]

I've certainly seen homophobia on Mumsnet, and biphobia is fairly common.

[Asta19]

I think any change takes time. I’m nearly 50 and grew up in a very rural area. In my teen years being gay was something that was “hushed up” and very secretive still. I didn’t know anyone at school who was openly gay. I moved away, travelled a lot, and opened my mind. But lots of people stay in these places where they grew up, surrounded by the same people, so attitudes remain. They tend to think “why do I need to change my views?”. Just telling them “well your views are unacceptable” doesn’t make any difference. It will take a couple of generations or more to really make a change and I don’t think there’s any way to speed that up.