To not want the neighbour inviting herself in

[MooseHoose]

Fairly early this morning, my neighbour knocked on my door and without any chitchat asked if she could come in. She’s never been inside and we’ve lived here several years. We don’t really know her or her family that well. I must have looked confused as she then said ‘I want to see your dog’ and kept trying to look past me into the hall.

We brought home a puppy yesterday and so she is still very much settling in and rather nervous. None of our family or friends have seen her yet. Also, I work from home and was right in the middle of doing stuff when the doorbell went plus I’m following a puppy schedule so she’d just had a play and was having a sleep. I told the neighbour now wasn’t a good time as I was really busy and the puppy was sleeping but I’d let her know when she could visit.

She looked really put out and now I’m wondering if I was unreasonable to not let her in. I just don’t think turning up and inviting yourself in is very polite. Also, I don’t want her telling her three children that they can just knock and ask to play with the puppy either. But then she’s my neighbour...

If she calls again and I’m busy, should I just let her in?

[fecketyfeck21]

RSAcre - accessing your puppy and teaching it cheeky fuckery god i laughed at this, a mental image of a puppy being trained to knock on neighbours and demanding to go in, to fed, watered and fussed over

[Xenia]

I work from home. I just make it clear I am busy. My neighbour could have become a problem but other than the occasional call wihch I don't mind I just made it clear I was not the one to be involved so her other neighbour bought her shopping etc and now they have left she has found one across the road who seems happy to go in each day.

You have to be firm with these people. if I don't work we starve. Getting other people to understand that and that you might not have even had the time to go to the loo that day is hard for some people to understand. Also why should she come in your house - it's your property. So yes you did the right thing.

[HollowTalk]

I would hold my phone to my ear and say that I was talking to my boss, every single time.

[adulthumanwolf]

What did she actually want?

[k1233]

Kids like puppies, adults like puppies. I didn't have a problem letting my neighbours meet my puppy. Better to establish happy, positive relations because you never know when you need an emergency dog sitter or your dog becomes a nuisance when you're out. If neighbours like you and dog, they're way more forgiving.

There's a young boy next door to me and he was so excited to play with the puppy. So, so cute. The pair of them were getting something out from under the couch and all you could see was a pair of bums .

It's also great socialisation for the puppy to meet lots of people.

[LadyMonicaBaddingham]

😂 at "send her to Build-a-Bear"

[BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney]

Asking if you can come in isn't inviting yourself in.

Why on earth is it relevant that your friends and family haven't seen it yet?

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

If she calls again and I’m busy, should I just let her in?

Of course not. It's your house; your rules. You don't actually have to let anyone in - you don't even have to answer the door. I really don't understand why you even need to ask.

[MooseHoose]

Thanks PregnantSea - I’m definitely going to do that. That way, I can still open the door for parcels (I get loads of them) but have an exit strategy if I need one.

ADropofReality She did invite herself in though, that’s the problem! She knocked, I opened and she said ‘Hi, can I come in?’ That was it - no other conversation before that. She didn’t wait to be invited and she didn’t even mention the dog until I clearly looked baffled by what was going on. Bear in mind I don’t really know her!

[PregnantSea]

Your neighbour was being rude and a bit weird. Don't feel bad.

I used to work from home and the amount of house calls I'd get from people during this time pissed me off no end. A lot of people do not understand that you're working and no amount of explaining it will help.

I never went as far as not answering the door, because I always thought it could be a parcel delivery or something, but one thing I started doing was I always answered the door holding my work phone to my ear and pretended to be talking to a client (if I was actually on the phone to call client I just didn't answer the door). That way if it's someone you want to speak to/let in you can do, but if it isn't you can just say hang on to the "caller" and then quietly ask what they want, and then ask them to come back after whatever time it is you finish for the day. It also gives you a better reason to just say bye and shut the door in their face very quickly. Very useful for if you're a people pleaser and hate to be seen as rude.

[Judystilldreamsofhorses]

We have a very cute and nosy cat who sits at the window, and spends half her time outside sitting in next door’s garden. Our neighbours’ DD loves her. I teach so am off on school holidays, and NDN sometimes texts me to ask if DD can come and play with the cat. Sometimes I say yes (she is an adorable little girl) but often I say no, cat is sleeping, I am going out etc. That is fine.

Your neighbour is super-cheeky, OP.

[LovelyJubbly67]

YANBU. Your house, your rules.

[ADropofReality]

I work from home. I don't answer the door (unless it's the postman or delivery that I know is for me). I don't care if someone sees me look and walk away. I'm working so I don't take "house calls".

How the hell do you deal with unexpected parcels or recorded delivery post? Friends popping in on the off chance? Neighbours calling to warn you the water's been cut off or that their fence has blown down? "Sod off, you have not booked your visit with two weeks notice in my diary; I shall hide in a box room and you will go away"

[ADropofReality]

Goodness me, what exactly is unreasonable about a next door neighbour calling and asking to see the new puppy?

If she;d called, OP said no, and she'd barged her way in anyway, or acted upset or been rude or unreasonable, that's a different matter, but what is unreasonable about knocking on the door, asking, and going away again when told no?

The OP says I just don’t think turning up and inviting yourself in is very polite. but the neighbour didn't invite themselves in; they went away.

Are we so unreasonable now that even knocking on the door is a terrible intruston of privacy? Do we hate our neighbours so much?

Don't worry about your neighbour calling again, I daresay she got the hint

[AlexaAmbidextra]

why would the OP post outing pictures of her new dog?

😂 Outing pictures of a puppy. Do you really think that most people can tell one puppy from another?

[Saracen]

Wow, if a neighbour knocked on my door and the first thing she said was to ask if she could come in, I would assume there was some kind of major emergency such as domestic violence! For that reason, I would let her in, and then be dumbfounded that she wanted to see the puppy.

[krustykittens]

Do not let her in! You've been neighbours for a while but she was happy with nods and smiles, now you have a pup she wants visiting rights? Fuck her right off, or send her to Build a Bear. She hardly knows you and is demanding access to your house to see your pets?!

[MooseHoose]

I love Mumsnet. I’ve been laughing at a lot of these replies. Seriously, people making eye contact with someone ringing their bell and just not moving isn’t even something I considered doing, but it now appeals. The comment about it not being a summons did make me rethink.

She didn’t hear the puppy bark - dog’s not barked at all yet - she just knew we were getting a dog at the weekend and turned up when she knew it was here - she told me so.

Letterkennie, I can’t post a pic as it will be outing because her markings are quite notable - think unusual patch etc and you’re on the right lines.

Brecon, I’m not sure if she knows I do most of my work from home but I’ll mention it. I have no problem with her being friendly, of course - it’s just the turning up unannounced asking to come in doesn’t work for me but I want to be polite about saying no. I don’t want it to keep happening as they definitely have an open house themselves. I’d have been ok if she’d seen me in passing and I’d told her a good time to come round.

[BreconBeBuggered]

Cherrysoup, I've only ever been there for a toilet stop on the way to somewhere else. My brain selected it as a randomly-overheard phrase from about 40 years back in my childhood, when it came to selecting a username.

[TooBusyHavingFun]

I never answer my door unless I'm expecting someone or a delivery.

[RSAcre]

If she calls again and I’m busy, should I just let her in?

No, @MooseHoose, never let her barge into your domain, you will be creating a precedent!

OK, I will calm down 'cos neighbour may not know that you work from home. But you are going to have to explain that to her. Otherwise, she will feel she can invite herself round anytime.

Put it this way:
if your work was in an office with a Proper Boss And Everything - would neighbour rock up there asking to come in?
No she fucking wouldn't. It wouldn't occur to her & she wouldn't dare. She would respect the boundary of workspace.
And that is precisely the level of respect you need her to accord your home office.

Also, you don't need her accessing your puppy & teaching it cheeky fuckery.

Rant over. Maybe.

[Cherrysoup]

@BreconBeBuggered did you not like Brecon? I had a whale of a time when I lived there!

[TomorrowsDiet]

Be “busy” on the phone if she rings the bell again. It’s really strange that she’s expect to be welcomed in!!

[BreconBeBuggered]

Does she realise you're working, or does she just have an impression of you being in the house? Perhaps she thought a new pup would be a good opportunity to make friends. Obviously that doesn't work for you, but it's not the worst thing she could do. It doesn't seem all that strange to me.

[mummmy2017]

Tell her next time, that while your willing to let her see the puppy when out walking, you work from home, so can't do coffee or puppy visits....
Then say goodbye and close the door