To ask for help revitalising stuff with DS and help him play more independently (Title edited by MNHQ)

[Sinalley1]

I've already started another thread today for help trying to encourage nearly 8 year old DS to read more.

Apologies, he's really on my mind so I'd appreciate some other help.

He is very bright and sporty. He does v well at school and in his after school sports. He's hilarious and quirky and emotionally pretty mature. He's also v v strong willed.

And he doesn't play on his own without a a struggle. He will follow us around begging to do something with him. We have tried to encourage him to do 20 mins a day alone but even that is like pulling teeth.

I need to find new stuff to reinvigorate our routines. Stuff that will stimulate him and encourage him to think of new projects or ideas on his own. At the moment he watches tv, say, after school or activity, then as soon as it's switched off, he comes looking for entertainment. Then it's a fairly long few hours till bed while we negotiate with him to do stuff - as well as interact with him, of course, we don't leave him to his own devices etc

We don't do much on iPad but he loves the screen. I'm wondering if there are You Tube stuff that he can interact with to improve drawing or learn about stuff?

Or any other suggestions of what we can put to him to do?

Apologies if this sounds garbled or rushed - I'm on phone and can't see what I'm doing

[Naty1]

Independently in title?

I dont know, maybe a specific hobby?

[Sinalley1]

Aargh! Should say independently!

That's an awful prescriptive text error - how can I change it?

[TurkeyBear]

indecently?

He's a kid OP. This makes me sad :( Some kids don't like playing on their own. I get that it can be annoying but he's not a puppy to be sent away, he wants and clearly craves/needs the interaction. Has he not got any siblings or cousins/friends to play with either?

You can combine both though if you get him those interactive story books where he can choose how the story progresses? They select options every few pages and the books direct them to a different chapter depending on what answer they chose.

[Onthebrink87]

Maybe a sticker book with relation to a sport - football for example? That may take his interest if he likes sport whilst encouraging some reading for pleasure rather than work and indepentant play?

[Onthebrink87]

Sorry x post!

[Bookridden]

It's hard. My DD was the same, and I didn't find any easy answers I'm afraid. Time will be your biggest helper. Can suggest making yourself busy with chores and when he comes to you, giving him a boring job to do (in the hope he decides that amusing himself for a while is the better option). But I feel your pain. Sometimes, DD, who is 11,would rather hang off the sofa talking absolute crap to me rather than doing something of interest or value.

[Sinalley1]

Independently! Obviously not indecently

Don't be sad for him - he's a very happy kid. We spend loads and loads of time with him. But he needs to grow his skills a bit and learn to be a bit more self-sufficient, organise his time a bit more. We aren't expecting miracles - just a bit of progress

Can you link me to the interactive books you're talking about? I don't know them

[Sinalley1]

Book ridden - sadly, if he has no choice and can't think of what to do, DS would lie on the sofa doing nothing for ages

[Debfronut]

I don't know many children who want to do things alone. Has he no one of his own age locally to play with? Mine used to play an online game with their friends at that age, (my daughter speaks fluent korean because of it). Maybe find something he can play online?

[RedSkyLastNight]

Well what does he like doing? at that age lots of DC are getting into Lego/other construction toys, for example. If he likes doing things with you then get him to help with the hoovering or the cooking or putting clothes away - yes, it's not independent play but it's giving him something to do while you get on with things.
Does he like craft - at that age we just had loads of craft stuff at home and the DC could paint or stick or draw or we had some craft sets.

I'm assuming he is an only child, which means if he enjoys things like imaginative play, he's going to struggle on his own. Perhaps invite other children over? Apart from anything else, they might have fresh ideas to share about what they enjoy.

[EthelHornsby]

My son did not play well on his own - my sister described him as a ‘pack animal’ - he needs others. That’s his personality, he’s no different at 35. He needs your input

[Sinalley1]

I'm sorry but I have to disagree about children not wanting to play on their own. Obviously, if it was hours and hours, I'd understand but it would be great if a child of 7 could play on their own for half hour - I know loads of kids who do. Loads.

[QuestionableMouse]

If you report your first post the helpful MN people will change the title for you.

[Etino]

@Bookridden
“Sometimes, DD, who is 11,would rather hang off the sofa talking absolute crap to me rather than doing something of interest or value.”
Is it literally a monologue? Assuming you’re responding to her, it’s incredibly valuable!

[Sinalley1]

What is a pack animal? He likes others to take the lead? DS is not like that - he likes to lead. Big time. But he likes interaction.

He's an only. But we have lots of friends and kids come around a lot

Although, he's also stopped wanting to invite kids around - except for a couple - but that's a whole different thread!

[TheFrenchLieutenantsMonkey]

You tube have lots of tutoruals on how to draw anime/manga? Get him to make up a character and draw him or her. See if you coukd spark hid imagination. He could end up drawing a whole book. I used to kniw a girl who taught herself this way. She ended uo amazingly good at it. Quite in demand with her peers wanting their own character.

[Scientistic]

I agree that they should be able to play independently. As long as it's not all the time because the parent doesn't want to get involved. It's actually a really important life skill to be bored and understand that you need to find something to entertain yourself. Kids can't have constant stimulation or input.

[Bookridden]

@etino - yes, it's often a monologue and seems to happen when DD is boref

I love chatting to her, but cannot bear endless wittering on about, say, Fortnite.