To think I'm heading for a breakdown here?

[antz345]

Everyday is a battle.
I don't want to get up,I seriously don't know how I'm gonna get through each day.
I feel so exhausted and tearful.
I'm freezing or hot.
I'm scared to go out,I can't see things ever getting better in my life.
Nobody cares.
I'm scared and I don't know why.
Everything's been building up for months now.
I feel sick and no appetite.
Pains in my stomach.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
How do I get through this.

[JessieLemon]

Sorry to hear this OP. It’s almost exactly how I felt when I was in the middle of depression. Though I also couldn’t stop the constant thoughts of how I could hurt myself and not get found out, I had no hope for the future and I hated myself and didn’t think I deserved to live and assumed everyone else hated me too.

Antidepressants helped. I think therapy would have too, if I’d been able to access it in time. It’s recurrent for me so I’ll probably always have it come back and go away again. Have you ever felt this bad before? What caused it? What helped? And how did it come to an end?

Glad you’ve got help coming from a counsellor and GP. For what it’s worth I do think this is a very normal thing to experience if you do in fact have depression, millions of people feel or have felt this way, you’re not broken or crazy, life is really hard sometimes and things can build up and up until it just gets on top of you. It’s great you’ve realised this now and are seeking support, some people wouldn’t have the knowledge or confidence to or access to any resources. The fact you’ve come on here and spoken to GP and counselling fills me with hope that you are resourceful and strong and will get through this.

[antz345]

The last 2 times I had therapy.
I always felt positive afterwards and had some good months after.
Sometimes thoughts pop in my head like imagine if I just opened this window and jumped out ..over just like that or walked down to the river and just went in...I would never do it but the thoughts come and go and sometimes I like them.
That sounds crazy because I would never do it,it's just sometimes I want it to be ok.

[Laiste]

Everything looks bleak when you are struggling with depression. Glad to hear you are accepting that there is a problem and are going to take steps to sort it out.

You have years and years left to build your life into the happier place you want. Don't fret about that aspect

[Laiste]

It might help to remember that mental health is something which is on a sliding scale for all of us. There's no ''healthy'' vs ''unhealthy''. Remembering this helps me.

Even the most outwardly sane among us have dark thoughts sometimes. Or struggle to do certain things. Or cannot cope with certain situations.

Intervention/help is needed when mental health is negatively impacting on getting on in your life. It doesn't mean you've slipped under some amazing place where 'normal' people reside. There is no 'normal'

[JessieLemon]

What did you work on in therapy? What did you learn that helped?

Did you and your therapists come up with a relapse prevention plan at the end?

[antz345]

I honestly can't even remember anymore.
It's been over a year since it ended.
Strangely when they advise you things to read over it never helps me like it does when she tells me and I can talk verbally to her.