To retire at 42?

[milkandcrisps]

Obviously not actually retire. Here is my situation. I have no family at all and no partner and few friends.

I am considering having a child. Because of my age I would have to do this with fertility treatment.

I have thought and thought about how I might be able to work with a child and I’m not sure it’s possible. Nursery costs are too high. Plus sometimes I have to do anti social hours.

So - I am considering retiring aged 42. If I took even five years out it’s unlikely I’d get back into my line of work. I don’t think I care as I hate it but am I mad??

[user1471426142]

I’m still a bit confused by the money. My understanding is that the op currently rents out a house that can’t be sold for £450 pcm (is this indefinitely?) and also rents where she is currently working. Presumbably if she stopped worked she’d live in the property? But then what would happen to the income? This is where I’m a bit confused?

The whole situation does seem financially precarious.

[LittleBookofCalm]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jun/23/going-it-alone-why-chose-single-motherhood

plenty of articles to be found regarding this op.

[LittleBookofCalm]

How likely is it that a person will fall ill and be hospitalised. not very.
i was never hospitalised until my youngest was 13,
and she stayed with a friend.
you will make friends, you will get a support network, you go to ante natal class, post natal classes, toddler groups.
people move and make friends.
if you want to have a baby op, do it.

[borntobequiet]

Well, good luck to you, OP.
I must say that I have read this thread with increasing bemusement. You really should be aware that your apparent inability to engage with reasonable people asking sensible questions and offering practical advice, as on here, will probably be a hindrance when you are bringing up a child on your own.

[Thisgirlcant]

I'd just do it! Noone knows whats round the corner you can have a good job, nice house then lose everything.

If you really want a baby then do it, things have a way of working out in the end and you own two houses already so you're already one step ahead of plenty of people.

Op life is too short for regrets. I really believe that things happen for a reason and if it's meant to be it will be. Do it! Set the ball rolling tomorrow.
Don't look back in five years and think 'what if'

People can say 'what of this' and 'what if that' but none of us knows whats in store for us. Sometimes we overthink things too much.

I really hope you do this op. wishing you all the best!

[GloomyMonday]

I agree that it's an uncomfortable read.

It is a tiny monthly income but plenty of people live on similar after rent/mortgage costs.

It's a precarious existence because the rental income could disappear if the property lies empty for a few months, but again no more precarious than any of us who could lose our jobs tomorrow.

I don't think it's fair to make op feel guilty about what would happen if she became ill or died, what choice does she have, with no family at all.

The only thing that I don't get is why op doesn't think it will be feasible to return to paid employment once her child is at school, even if it's not in her old sector. School hours jobs are hard to find - although she does talk about childminding or fostering - but a job that pays enough for wraparound care may not be hard to find. I suspect she'll change her mind once she's got long lonely days to fill, and a child who'd like swimming lessons or a birthday party or to go on holiday.

Not everyone's life works out how they want it to. OP is at least thinking through the options instead of rushing headlong into something irreversible.

[continuallychargingmyphone]

I don’t think it takes intricate knowledge of employment statistics to know that part time school hour jobs are not easy to find and also tend to be poorly paid.

I have found this thread a very uncomfortable read.

Approaching your fourth decade single and childless (when this is not what you would personally have wished for) can be distressing in the extreme.

The OP is not being particularly selfish as far as I can see.

My understanding is that at present her job is well paid but this is offset with anti social hours in an expensive part of the country, where she is renting a property. She recognises - probably correctly - that she would not be able to afford rent, childcare and bills. If she went back to work and had to pay for those she would find herself on less than 450 a month. I know because I earn a similar amount and after pension contributions and tax and NI I get 2400 in my bank account. Rent in an expensive part of the country can easily be £1000 a month. Easily. Childcare the same. Leaving £400 for council tax, nappies, clothes, food, petrol/train/bus fares, broadband. This is approximate of course. The rent could easily be more or less. The point is still that very little would be left over.

The op recognises this is not tenable so has considered her options and will be moving into a property she owns outright and live off a small amount of CB plus the income from a second property. This totals around £500 a month which has to pay for council tax, electricity, phone and food nappies and clothes HOWEVER the two huge costs - rent and childcare - are reduced to nil.

That seems pragmatic enough to me. It is very tight indeed but OP says she can do some freelance work which would up her income level but that she is not relying on it - again, I see that as sensible. I am similar and work on a minimum amount and then anything extra is a bonus.

I think that having a baby is hard, I have done it. I also think it is selfish. I have done it, I may yet do it again, that is for me, the planet doesn’t need my children. I do not think it is as hard as posters claim. I do think and I will risk a flaming this is where your life thus far and expectations come into it. I have friends who have led really rather pampered lives - school and university and a backdrop of a loving home and supportive mum and dad and nice job and nice boyfriend who became a nice husband and nice mortgage and then WHAM a baby and the baby cries and they can’t go out as easily with the nice friend and the nice job is that bit harder.

For me I didn’t have the loving home and I didn’t have the nice boyfriend and I didn’t have the nice job for a long time. To be honest I found having a puppy loads harder than babies. Mainly because you can take kids to places that won’t allow dogs. But that is by the by, that is my personal view and I have no wish to dismiss anybody else’s. However I do feel as the OP did that there is a hint of smugness in some of the posts.

In short I don’t think op is doing anything drastically different to anybody sensible before they have a child - looking at her life and seeing where and how a child would fit into it.

[Sunshiness]

I still don't understand what the problem is with living on £450 while baby is small, and then finding part time work during school hours once the child is at school. So not retiring now for good, only for as long as there actually would be childcare costs?

[butterfly56]

I have not RTFT OP just your posts.

You absolutely should choose a life that you want and go for it!

You have probably been planning/saving to make this life changing move for a long time and I think it will work out well for you.
You are a mature individual and you know what you so go for it and have a happy life doing it.

Good Luck OP and best wishes for a happy future

[VanGoghsDog]

So ignore the name calling and focus on the useful financial information.

[Tallzarazara]

You're unhappy though right? So why bring a child into that situation? Who will the child have?

[VanGoghsDog]

@Conniedescending. There are no childcare vouchers any more, the scheme closed to new entrants last week.

[milkandcrisps]

No benefits other than CB then; which i’d also be entitled too if I was married.

I’m defensive because I have repeatedly been called names by those lucky enough to have families.

[VanGoghsDog]

So, you said you had taken child benefit into account but now you say you won't claim any benefits. Which is it to be?

I'm pretty frugal and my household bills are £100ct, £70 gas and electric, £28 water, £12 TV licence, £6 mobile phone, £7 broad band (I pay the phone line annually, it's about £140). Then there is insurance. Car and associated costs of that too. I don't have any TV packages but I gather most people do these days so you might need to add that in.

I think you're getting defensive because you can now see you won't have enough income and you need to plan differently.

[Dollymixture22]

The money thing does confuse me. You own two houses at the minute but liv in neither. You will move into one and live of the rent of another.

Will the £500 per month have to cover everything? I assume you ah e savings incase the boiler packs in or the roof leaks.or the fridge breaks.

Your cash will disappear very quickly - examples below. You can argue about the actual figures,

Food, household and toiletries - £125
Electricity and heat-£75
Council tax - £100
Nappies and wipes -£25
Incidentals (coffees out with other mums)
Phone (land line and or mobile)
Broadband
Life insurance
House insurance
Tv licence
Travel (public transport or car)
Clothes
Haircuts
Presets
Optician/ dentist

[milkandcrisps]

That’s fine if it helps! I didn’t say ‘no one should go to counselling’ just that it is not for me at this time.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Completely agree Dollymixture22. Nothing wrong with asking for help with big decisions or to process things we’ve been through and everything mature, sensible and healthy about realising when we don’t have all the answers.

Having a safe place to get it all out can be worth so much. I once had lunch with friends and it transpired that 4 out of the 5 of us had been to counselling and only because the fifth woman’s husband was going!

[milkandcrisps]

I wouldn’t even be claiming them!

[milkandcrisps]

Of course I wouldn’t want it tall.

However. I am not going to nor have a child because of something that probably won’t happen.

If it does then like everything else you deal with it when it occurs.

[user1490465531]

Very little of public money is used for benefits so let's blow that myth out of the water.
Most taxpayers are not even covering their own expenses in this world eg schooling hospital care etc unless you are in the top bracket of tax payers.

[milkandcrisps]

I wasn’t offended, just not interested

[ilovesooty]

Thanks Anne

[Dollymixture22]

I felt you were offended by my suggestion about counselling

I think most people would benefits from having a hour a week dedicated to opening up about their deepest thoughts. I didn’t mean it As an insult. I have had counselling for a big life event and it was really helpful - I now understand why I react the way I do to things.

You have said you don’t have family or many friends. You are finding the dvice on here unhelpful. Surely have a few sessions to talk this through can’t hurt?

[Tallzarazara]

There is no way in the world that you would want your child to have to go into emergency foster care. Do you understand how awful that would be for the child?

[mumsastudent]

childminding isn't an easy option. You have to be both flexible & reliable & often work long hours - longer than if you were at work because you have to cover parents work & travel hours & their overtime if necessary. You cant pick & choose & you will need a reliable income. You have to do your own tax (you will be self employed) & do strict paperwork & conform to OFSTED standards. Your house will need to conform to safety standards & you will have to do training. I loved it & loved the dc & the parents but it isn't for everybody.