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AIBU?

AIBU to be a bit concerned by DHs FB Friends?

37 replies

LateLatte · 24/09/2018 11:00

DH works with young people and in one of his roles he works alongside 19/20/21 year olds, although he is senior to them, they do a similar supervisory role of younger teenagers (think a summer camp). Obviously he spends a good few weeks with these people and builds up friendships, he's a fun kinda guy with low inhibitions so has always been popular. When he was younger he was one of the best looking in his year group and all his female friends were the super pretty popular type. I have no issue with that because I am flattered he picked me when he could have had his pick!

Now we are in our early thirties and I notice a lot of the young people he has worked with in the last are now late teens and early twenties. Ditto for the older ones. He has a lot of these - particularly females - on his Facebook. I think girls tend to add more than boys naturally as I think girls form stronger bonds with people if I generalise. But so many of these girls are the popular, stunning type he would have been friends with and fancied when he was younger.

He has a duty of care and I believe he remains professional but AIBU to feel a bit hmmm 🤔 about it? He's still a man and he could easily develop a crush/thing with a twenty one year old and it not be all that abnormal! When I was younger I would have questioned how he knew, and why he had, each and every one of those girls on his FB but I'm older now and a lot more chilled and less paranoid but some of these girls are popping up on my 'People You May Know' and it is playing on my mind.

In his defence he is a brilliant father and attentive husband. I have no reason to believe he has done anything wrong. He is of a 'bantery' nature - before the term banter was commonly known I would say he was flirty but he would be the same with a 70 year old man IYSWIM!

OP posts:
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HeyNumber2 · 24/09/2018 12:05

Pretty or ugly young girls/women get crushes.

If you trust him you trust him. It’s nice they want to add him as a friend.

However, I would say I prefer it now that neither myself nor DH has FB as it is the devil.

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Claw001 · 24/09/2018 12:07

fdg ‘I notice a lot of the young people he has worked with in the last are now late teens and early twenties’

OP has now confirmed he looked after them as children, now they are teens, they are friends on Facebook and he maybe works with them.

OP is not sure if he works with them.

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Windermere90 · 24/09/2018 12:11

Hold on a minute. Are these 'young people' his colleagues? You talk about their youth quite a lot, but if they are employees or professional colleagues then that's all that matters. If they are the "participants" of the summer course then that would be quite different, and unethical, but if they are colleagues who happen to be younger what's the problem?

Problem seems to be more about your insecurity or lack of trust in him more than anything else. You say you don't have any reason to doubt him but you still are, so I would look into that.

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Medea13 · 24/09/2018 12:12

I am flattered he picked me when he could have had his pick!

YABVVVVU.
That is not how relationships (should) work.

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fdgdfgdfgdfg · 24/09/2018 12:13

@Claw001 As I've said, if they are children, then it's inappopriate.

However I think if they went to the summer camp as children, and then came back to work at the summer camp as adults, and the OPs DH only added them to his facebook when they were adults, then its not innapropriate. The relationship has changed to one of colleagues.

As OP isn't sure, I think the best course of action is for her to speak to her husband and get clarification. Much easier for her to make a decision once she has all the facts.

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Sparklesocks · 24/09/2018 12:14

If you trust him, it shouldn't be an issue. So why are you worried? And why does having each other on fb make you more worried than them spending time together in real life?
They're professional colleagues and you say he understands his duty of care so all should be fine.

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BlaaBlaaBlaa · 24/09/2018 12:14

I think i can hazard a guess at what he does for a living and he needs to be careful. There absolutely will be a social media policy and it sounds like he's sailing a bit close to the wind here.

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Claw001 · 24/09/2018 12:17

fdg exactly! It’s difficult for us to decide, if OP doesn’t even know if he works with them or not!!

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Canteverthinkofagoodone · 24/09/2018 12:19

Essentially he has added (or accepted) his work colleagues on facebook! Why are you concerned? If he was adding/accepting 14/15year old children from the camp then yes be concerned, that is very wrong. But 19/20/21year old adults, fellow colleagues is quite normal. Whether they previously attended makes no difference along as he didn't have them on there before working with them.
My husband is also a contractor and has work colleagues on Facebook they just happen to be old men so Im not worried about him running off with them which I think is more what you are worried about..

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ExFury · 24/09/2018 12:19

If they’re kids he worked looking after then there will be a policy even if he’s a freelancer.

If there’s no policy because he’s their colleague and man adding/accepting colleagues on FB is not the same

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Badtasteflump · 24/09/2018 12:23

There is no policy as he is a freelancer

That's not strictly correct. If he works with minors he will be bound by the professional guidelines of whatever profession he is in.

Aside from that, he needs to think about his professional reputation.

However, if these people are now adults that he used to work with when they were minors, he's not doing anything wrong (in a professional sense, anyway - whether you trust him or not is another matter).

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FoodGloriousFud · 24/09/2018 12:44

@fdgdfgdfgdfg I read it the same way as you and agree with everything you've said.

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