*first world problems warning* DH prizes value for money and quality over personal preference

[Uselessswaddle]

I am the main breadwinner at the moment but DH and I have taken it in turns over the years to earn money for the family and the other one stay at home with the DC.

Recently, DH and I decided we would get ourselves some nice jewellery as a proportion of an inheritance we received. We agreed a budget. DH collects watches and has had his eye on one recently. I don’t know much about watches but I am happy for him to get what he likes and what he wants.

I have had my eye on a ring which was designed by a local jeweller that I have seen in the window for a few months and gone in and tried on and really loved. It is “independent” so not from a big jewellery house and much of the value is in the individual design and craftsmanship rather than the value of the actual stones in the ring.

DH does not want me to get it because he thinks it will not retain any value. And for the “sake of our family” I should only be buying something that will cost the same as this ring, but will retain its value for generations to come. Like gold or diamond for a good price. Regardless of whether it’s what I want or whether I like it or not.

He was pointing out the merits of the watch he has chosen compared to my ring. How it’s an investment piece. It seems he finds it attractive because of its long term value rather than how it looks.

He did the same with my wedding ring. He went to buy it, I had said what I liked, I was really clear, I had shown him pictures and specific examples within the budget we had. But he came back with something completely the opposite because according to his research it would retain its value better.

He is like this with everything. With wine and food (he wants us to eat what is objectively the best quality rather than what our individual preference is) and furniture. If your personal choice is not the most long term sustainable or valuable or what he considers the best quality, he is astounded and expends a lot of energy telling you why your preference is the wrong one. He does not understand how somebody could turn down something that is the best quality or value, and go for something “lesser” that they like better.

As much as I appreciate his research and his looking after our longterm interests, it seems quite dry to have a lifetime of this.

He always pulls the “quality/value” card and it is also a moral high ground card because if I insist on having something I really like instead he’ll imply I do not want the best for the family.

Can you give me any advice about how I should approach this and whether you think I ABU?

[Bestseller]

Did you agree the inheritance would be invested or did you agree you'd spend it on something you each wanted?

I can see his point over the watch/ring but a whole life of it sounds very trying. It makes no sense at all over the food - surely he doesn't control what you eat?

[Lindah1]

Which side of the family is the inheritance from?

[Lindah1]

Hmm it's a tough one. If we're talking huge money I do see his point, the ring you like will depreciate as soon as worn. Can you buy an investment piece and something you really like for a lesser amount?

[Maelstrop]

He sounds fucking boring. This would drive me mad. I like cheap wine and if my dh insisted I drink some posh stuff that cost lots but tasted like shite, I’d be most pissed off. He shouldn’t be making you feel,like this. Relatively speaking, unless the piece is worth thousands, it’s pointless looking on it as an investment.

[Annandale]

Ok i actually have a tiny bit of sympathy for him if we are talking the same as a high end watch - like i dont know, £10000?

But id agree the general attitude when it comes to stuff like wine seems daft.

Do you think he sees you as 'high value' as well?

[parietal]

the value is the value to you, not to the rest of the world. none of these things have any long term / resale value so all that matters if it is right for you.

[Glumglowworm]

Buying something you love doesn’t need to be an investment

The value is in the pleasure you will get from wearing it/having it for years to come

His way is fine for buying financial investments like stocks and shares but it’s a rather joyless way to live your life

[MrsMozart]

Gawd he sounds hard work.

Go for what you love.

[hazell42]

He is missing an important element in the equation. He needs to factor in the joy a purchase brings. He buys an item because it is an investment, which brings him joy. You buy an item because it is beautiful and it brings you joy. He is getting all the joy out if his purchase and you should be allowed to do the same

[LusaCole]

YANBU. His approach may often be a good one, but not for something as personal as a ring. I'd have been gutted about the engagement thing too.

[TokyoSushi]

Sounds very controlling to me, I'd buy the ring I liked, it's you that's wearing it!