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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can't afford anymore!

64 replies

MiddleClassPerm · 15/09/2018 20:54

This is a wwyd as well as aibu.

I'm a lp with 3 dc's although my eldest is early 20's and working. DS is on his 2nd year of GCSE's and DD has just started hers. I work ft but I earn less than £18k.

So far since they went back to school I've paid:
£150 deposit school trip 1
£40 deposit school trip 2
£60 art
£25 HE
£10 maths
£5 Spanish
The odd £2/3 for lessons I can't even remember now.

I've just received the email for the school fund, £150 for the 2 of them. I didn't pay it last year as I had similar amounts to pay out and received about 10 'reminder' emails throughout the year. I'm dreading getting the same ones again this year and feel really bad about it. It's not compulsory but I still feel I should be paying.

Would you pay in my position, should I maybe contact the school and tell them I can't afford it, or just ignore the emails again this year?

Wwyd?

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 15/09/2018 21:49

My DD has just started Secondary. I'm dreading the things to pay for.

School fund? Not in this lifetime, matey.

GiantPandaAttacks · 15/09/2018 21:52

Oh, and as for teachers contributing. I’ve bought pens for the students who’s parents don’t bother (and these are parents who can afford it, just don’t bother because the school fill the gap), lunches for those who’s parents ‘forgot’, sanitary products, basic items like toothpaste and brushes (again for parents who don’t seem to care), replace books.... the list goes on. Why should teachers have to pay because you chose to reproduce? They’re your children, not ours. But then apparently, for the privilege of teaching your darlings, we should have to pay 🤨.

kawla · 15/09/2018 21:55

@GiantPanda was it paid out of your own pocket or by the “school fund”.
Either way, you don’t seem to happy to be helping.

MorningsEleven · 15/09/2018 21:56

School fund? Bugger that!

AspieHere · 15/09/2018 22:04

What's a school fund??? Sounds bloody awful.

If it's not compulsory, like hell would I pay.

Cynderella · 15/09/2018 22:05

I'm a teacher, and my children are grown up, so I'm not going through this. Our school does charge for trips, music lessons etc but we don't have a school fund. Nevertheless, parents are bombarded with requests to pay for theatre groups, charity days, sketch books, revision guides and the like.

A lot of teachers get quite arsey when a parent won't/can't/doesn't pay, but just as many are sympathetic, especially when it's more than one child. I'm assuming you earn too much to claim free school meals. Have you claimed FSM in the last five years? If you have, it makes your children Pupil Premium. We subsidise school trips for PP children.

If you are struggling, talk to the school - ask for help. We have lots of kids whose parents pay reduced amounts, pay weekly or monthly instead of outright and so on. You shouldn't be made to feel that you have to pay what you can't afford.

Cornishclio · 15/09/2018 22:15

The key word is voluntary. There is no compulsion to pay for additional activities like trips etc although understandably most parents want their kids to go. The school fund is actually used to subsidise kids whose parents cannot afford contributions. You are already paying a lot for trips so tell them you cannot afford both to cover the cost of your children attending the trips plus subsidising someone else's child who will not pay. Ignore the emails.

Fluffycloudland77 · 15/09/2018 22:19

I'd either ignore or say I cant afford it.

MeteorGarden · 15/09/2018 22:22

@GiantPanda

I get your frustration but calling guilt ridden parents unable to pay and feeling they shouldn’t be harassed ‘idiots’ doesn’t help now does it?

Coming from a family of teachers (and one head teacher) I understand the challenges schools face when budgeting but bottom line, it’s not down to parents or teachers to pay for what IS a FREE education system.

NHS, emergency services, bin collection, free education...this is what we ‘contribute’ 20% of our annual wages for. Schools shouldn’t be begging parents for money or expecting teachers to contribute it’s disgusting. It’s also a self fulfilling proficy sending us down an Americanised way of life, good schools in good areas recieve bigger amounts as more parents contribute and suddenly you have schools with vastly different facilities and support based on how wealthy parents are. It will create a middle ground between state and private schooling ‘posh state schools’ it’s already apparent if you look at house prices in catchment areas of great schools.

You’re allowed to be angry but seriously, direct your anger where it should be going...the government. Perhaps if they stopped handing out benefits so freely and invested in their education system it would have a positive inpact for the next generation!

The reality is there’s only X amount in the government pot whilst out goings increase and increase. If we make it socially acceptable for schools to bed for donations we’ll end up with the NHS sending ‘suggested donation’ reminders after a hospital admittance!!!

Original poster
MiddleClassPerm · 15/09/2018 22:37

Thanks for all the replies.

It's a grammar school and it's called the school activity fund. There is a list of things it covers but I've noticed they've mentioned drama trips, duke of ed and art materials, all things I pay extra for! There's also things like external speakers and trophies etc.

I'll maybe send an email as I'm a bit annoyed at feeling so under pressure, I felt so guilty last year every time a reminder email came through.

OP posts:
Original poster
MiddleClassPerm · 15/09/2018 22:40

Cynderella yes I get fsm. I've never heard of pupil premium?

OP posts:
categed · 15/09/2018 22:40

Op,i have never heard of this before, however i am sure if you contact the school ans explain that you can't afford it and the the reminders are causing you stress they will stop.
I assume it's there to bridge the funding gaps caaused by increased expectations and decreased resources and to ensure a quality provision for all children (i could be totally wrong). With this in mind i am sure it is never aimed at putting pressure on those who can't afford to help.

Girlsnightin · 15/09/2018 23:21

If you get fsm your children should be entitled to subsidised trips etc. Do you?

Boodapoo · 15/09/2018 23:36

@GiantPanda ". I’ve bought pens for the students who’s parents don’t bother.." WHOSE, not who's. Glad to help. Are you sure you're a teacher?

SD1978 · 15/09/2018 23:54

Tell them that financially you can not contribute voluntary fees, and to be taken off any future mailing lists regarding it. I paid mine- but turns out barely anyone does, hence the multiple reminders. Explain that it's stressful to receive them. And that you will let them know if circumstances change and you can afford them.

HelenaDove · 15/09/2018 23:57

Schools want parents to understand that there have been cutbacks and the school is on a budget

but its not reciprocated when it comes to pricey school uniform that parents cant afford to pay for. Schools dont seem to want to recognize that parents are on a budget too.

School then sticks the kid in isolation. There is a lot of hypocrisy

Im not a parent but i can see the "one rule for the school and another for the parents" attitude going on.

Original poster
MiddleClassPerm · 16/09/2018 00:14

Girls no I don't get help for trips, again I've never heard of that.

OP posts:
somewhereovertherain · 16/09/2018 02:51

Fancy supporting your kids through school. Terrible and people wonder why the English system is fucked.

It’s a voluntary fund. Key is in voluntary. If you can’t pay don’t.

ThistleAmore · 16/09/2018 03:04

Hello!

I'm Scottish, don't have any kids, genuinely very happy to pay taxes for schools, early learning etc though.

Could a Scottish teacher or parent PLEASE tell me this isn't a thing up here? This is horrific!

Rebecca36 · 16/09/2018 03:26

Why do you have to pay for maths, a language and art? I thought they were all normal school subjects.

1forAll74 · 16/09/2018 04:11

What is a school fund? well needless to say, I don't know what goes on in schools these days, but glad I don't. i don't remember having to pay out for things, apart from the odd school trip years ago..

Bloodyfucksake · 16/09/2018 05:33

ThistleAmore its not so bad in Scotland. There are still plenty of teachers buying food/ supplying pens for children but I think they are from families who are truly struggling.

There are expensive school trips offered but its a small percentage of the kids who go and no stigma if parents can't / don't want to pay.

I thank my lucky stars to be Scottish when I read comments like 'what are the teachers contributing' because I think culturally its not a demand Scottish parents would be likely to make.

It amazes me that some posters (not OP) don't realise the teachers might be single parents making the same large contributions to their own childrens schools.

Anyway OP, don't feel worried about this. You have paid a lot already. If you want to explain to the school why you are not giving more, they will understand. If you don't want to explain, you are still well within your rights.

actualpuffins · 16/09/2018 05:46

We pay £10 a month into DD1's school fund, but are both on good salaries and don't go to PTA events (there aren't so many anyway at secondary school). I have never paid into DD1's former primary school/DD2's current school fund because I was on the PTA for five years and have raised money for the school and donate through events.

They should not be badgering you for contributions, OP, though I guess it is a generic email. I still get emails about the school fund from secondary school even though we do contribute. I know some parents give a lot more than we do, but many of the pupils went to a private prep school previously so the parents are used to paying for education and can afford it. Whereas I think education should be free and funded by fair taxation but am happy to contribute (something) towards paying for extras.

Girlsnightin · 16/09/2018 09:03

@MiddleClassPerm

If your children get fsm then the school a child be getting pp. This is a big grant paid to the school per pp child. The money tends to be used to fund various school things rather than going directly to pp children. However, it should mean that the pp children get subsidised school trips and other things. I'd get in touch with the school to see if they are classing your kids as pp and how they can assist you. Probably the first thing is stop hounding you for money!!!!

LokiBear · 16/09/2018 09:19

Contact the school, explain and ask for the emails to stop. If you are a lp, are your children on the 'pupil premium' list? If you are in reciept of free school meals, they should be. If not, check your entitlement. The school will be givem an extra £2000 per child per year for your girls. You cam ask that this money be used to pay for things like extra classes, easter school, revision guides, art equipment and even part of the residential trip. The school will be grateful to you for applying.