To make dd give up her room if she can't look after it.

[Donthugmeimscared]

I am so sick of dd 13 living in filth. She is disgusting. We are in a three bed house and her brothers 7 and 10 share. I'm so fed up with her mess that I've told her that if she doesn't sort it out she's sharing with her 7 yr old ds and her 10yr old ds can have her room as he will actually appreciate it.

By disgusting I mean gross she couldn't give a toss what she leaves on the floor including underwear where her San pro has leaked. I've helped her many times to clean it only for the floor to be covered in crap by the next day. Even worse if I take clean clothes in for her to put away she just chucks it on top of the mess. It's only a small box room so gets bad fast and according to her I'm stressing her out telling her to clean it and it's her human right to have a room for herself.

Wibu to actually follow through with this?

[Lovemusic33]

My daughter has a bunk bed which covers her window (her room is small), my other daughter has a mid sleeper in the box room. It hasn’t made much difference regarding tidiness, if anything it has made it worse as the mess is bigger, I have added extra storage but it hasn’t really helped. Dd1 just lives in a shit tip (her room), she tidies it every Saturday bit only to her standards. I tidy dd2’s room once a week as it starts spilling out the door onto the landing, she has ASD and it’s easier for me to tidy it rather than cause a day long meltdown by asking her to do it. Several times I have bagged up everything and removed it from her room as I get fed up of the mess.

Both my dd’s have very heavy periods so there’s often stained clothes and underwear left on the floor, I just ask them to go and put it in the washing machine. I have now had to put dd2 on the mini pill as she can’t cope with periods at all. I would never make them feel bad for leaking onto clothes.

[PandaG]

I'd go for a cabin bed even if it blocked the window I think, or see if you can get a shorty cabin bed to fit in the opposite direction, or possibly have one made to fit. How about promising a room makeover if she keeps it tidy for a certain length of time?

[NotTakenUsername]

Don’t let her live in filth. Set her up for success.

Does she have too much stuff?
Does she have adequate storage?
Does she find your standards too high - can you and she meet in the middle?

I would be wary of breeding a rift between her and 10yo if you follow through with this.

[TuTru]

My Dd Was so bad, I’d take a photo each day of the room, it would take 5 mins for her to wreck a lovely tidy clean room. Lol
She was a nightmare, round the whole house. Let her live in filth and you keep your areas how you want them. Xx

[QuackPorridgeBacon]

Now we have suggestions to make her sleep outside? Are some people serious on here?

[Singlenotsingle]

I'd put a tent out in the garden. It's perfect weather, and you could say that when her room is clean and tidy (and only when) she can try again. But she'll be on trial!

And which Article of the Human Rights Act is she relying on when she says it's her human right to have her own room?

[QuackPorridgeBacon]

'My DD1 has very very bad periods- she has to set an alarm to change her pad twice in the middle of the night. When she was younger and she leaked, she was expected to wash her underwear and bedding in the sink before school and put them in the wash- and she started at 11.'

I find this is nasty and feels very much like punishment for a natural bodily function.

I’d suggest getting a mid or high sleeper maybe even with a chair or pull out bed thing with a desk etc. Would mean more space for storage and somewhere for mates to sit when they are round. I’d get rid of the wardrobe and try for a cabin bed with drawers or even just a small chest of drawers that could possibly go under the bed.

Being untidy is par of the course I reckon and I was untidy and actually dirty in some ways but I had a lot of issues going on so don’t think it counts really. Even as an adult, when my room was too small I struggled to keep it clean. In fact, I struggle with clutter a lot but I’m better now I’m not bagged about it. I don’t plan on nagging my two either, as long as their room is clean I don’t really care about mess as it’s they who have to sleep in it not me. They are still young though so I clean the rooms with the four year old helping with hers.

[bridgetreilly]

No one has a 'human right' to have their own bedroom. She needs to understand that while she lives in a house with other people she needs to make sure that her room meets basic levels of hygiene because otherwise it affects everyone. If she can't do that, she doesn't get the room. But as well as laying down the law, you need to help her. Focus on the key things: check at the end of every day that there are no dirty plates and that dirty clothes are in the laundry basket, for instance. Once a week, everything has to come off the floor for hoovering.

[nannybeach]

This could have been MY DD at the same age! Went into her room one day, to discover she had left the iron on the floor, and burt a rown iron shaped mark into (expesive wool) carpe, and never said a word, the blooding pants extende into the bathroom basin, where she left them. she worked at stables, used to chuck her clothes,trainers, packed lunches into the wardobe where everything stank and went mouldy. Desided to get her washing up, she would deliberately do it really badly, sometimes made her do it 4 times, was a bloody nightmare, I would ban the friends till she tidies, yes, take away mobile phone etc, till she can be bothered

[cricketmum84]

I don't think it's fair to make a 13 yo girl going through puberty share with a 7yo boy. She needs her privacy and space. If you had enough rooms for all 3 would you make her give up a room for not keeping it clean?
Does she have friends round at all? Sometimes a little shame from their peers can work wonders.

[Beamur]

Pinterest is a good website for storage ideas in a small space.

[Beamur]

Small rooms are hard to keep tidy as they messy so easily!
My DSD was a slattern at this age too! Food left in room, sanitary towels in the wastepaper basket, but I don't think we ever really argued about it.
We don't allow food upstairs but would turn a blind eye to toast, crisps, that sort of thing. Both the teens (boy child in house too) had a laundry bag in their room to put dirty clothes in, clothes in bags got washed, clothes on floor got left. If was a bit of a tip, I closed the door. Maybe once a month either me or their Dad would ask them to give it a clean and tidy and they did.
You have to let it go a bit, teens have other things on their mind, their rooms are a reflection of them, not you. They generally grow out of it too. Both kids are young adults now, perfectly capable of looking after themselves.

[Kpo58]

Is it worth putting one of these in the wardrobe? www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/small-storage-organisers/clothes-organisers/skubb-storage-with-6-compartments-white-art-00245880/

It would be a good place to put folded clothes and underwear.

[Donthugmeimscared]

The bookcase seems a good idea at the moment the table has a draw she keeps her underwear in. The cabin bed thing is a problem as a bed only fits one way round in the room so the window would be covered by the bed if we had one. Her wardrobe is only a single one and she likes it for her uniform and hobby uniform too. It's such a small space she does her hair in my room.

[Kpo58]

Can she have a cabin bed with draws underneath and a pull out table to do homework on.

Is a wardrobe the best way of storing clothes for her? Is a chest of drawers better? If not, can she have a wardrobe which has a cupboard attached to either the top or bottom of it be better?
Is a bedside table a good use of space, would one of the IKEA narrow Billy book cases be better? www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/storage-furniture/bookcases/billy-bookcase-oak-veneer-art-40265277/

[TaleasoldasTimee]

Help your DD tidy, male sure everything has it's place etc. Tell her once a week you'll be going in with a bin bag. Anything on the floor or looking messy will be going in it and out to the bin.

My mum did this to me! Worked a treat.

[Donthugmeimscared]

@kpo58 even

[Donthugmeimscared]

@Kpo59 where would you put said storage? She has some boxes under her bed and a couple of shelves but there is no room for much else.

[Kpo58]

No wonder her room is a tip. She has no storage or is she only allowed to own clothes and nothing else? If you have no storage then the only place you can put things is on the floor.

[Italiangreyhound]

@Ihuntmonsters I thought it was written by an adult too, but I felt it was an adult who knew what they were talking about.

Of course I wish my dd would not argue with me, would keep her room straight and be nice to me. And if she did I would (I am sure) like her more. But I doubt I would love her more. And anyway, the agenda comes from he teen. I doubt a teen would understand this because either they would be a nice, kind, no issues kind of teen or they would just see parents as part of the problem!

But I do remember fighting with my mum about my room, it does seen to be a theme!

[missymayhemsmum]

Work with her to ensure she does actually have somewhere to put everything, and that her room looks nice when tidy, then insist that once a week her room is clean and tidy. Point out the logical consequences of gross behaviour, eg maggots, smells, flies, ruined clothes, disease, and living in filth and hopefully she will see the point of at least dealing with dirty undies, plates etc.
The line of 'I don't want to interfere with your bedroom because it's your personal space and it's up to you to look after it, but if it smells I'll be in there with a binbag going through everything you own' might work.

[welshmist]

I lobbed all the clothes etc. out of the bedroom window once my sons two bedrooms were so bad. Trouble is it rained and I had to bring it all in and wash it again. Now I just turn off internet, confiscate phone until it is done. They are not allowed food in the bedroom at all because the plates and glasses would pile up.

[Ihuntmonsters]

I asked my teen to read that article and she thinks it was written by an adult and didn't really resonate (except for the bit about unconditional love). But then she doesn't like confrontation.

[Ihuntmonsters]

I'm really not sure about that piece. I fought with my mother as a teenager, and you know I really really would have been much happier if we could have lived in harmony instead. Fighting with her didn't make me feel that she loved me, it made me feel that she didn't like me. As an adult looking back I don't think she did like the person I was and actually I think that affected me very negatively. Luckily my father recognised that our relationship was not good and agreed to pay for me to go to boarding school and with distance our relationship improved.

[Italiangreyhound]

big emotions.

I really do recommend that article, it is very short and may even make you cry, it did me!