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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

..... to be offended that my MIL describes my friends as "dysfunctional".

12 replies

sandyballs · 21/05/2007 10:54

. Her reason - that the majority of them are not married with 2.4 children. They've chosen not to have children for various reasons - some of them are travelling/working round the world, others are very career minded. Some just like their lifestyle as it is.

So why "dysfunctional" - rude old bag. We had a heated discussion yesterday where I tried to convince her that there are other ways to live your life.

OP posts:

elsieanjoanne · 21/05/2007 10:58

take no notice times have changed a lot since she got married had kids not everyone does it like that anymore to be be blunt its non of her business and as theyy are our friends not hers it shouldnt bother her

WanderingTrolley · 21/05/2007 10:59

If she's that narrow minded and set in her ways, all the heated discussions in the world aren't going to change her, perhaps?

She should count herself lucky to have grandchildren and not be like the poor old mothers of your dysfunctional friends, grandchildless with offspring legging it around the planet.

I think your conclusion of 'rude old bag' sounds quite accurate.

elsieanjoanne · 21/05/2007 10:59

sorry my typing pants as dd is sleep on my arm

suzycreamcheese · 21/05/2007 11:00

i'd take it as compliment then...
now ...that would be something to worry about if she did like them!

MIL just despairs of us,lifestyle wise and its vice versa really ...mine is an old snob too!...

Roskva · 21/05/2007 11:09

Personally, I think my MIL is dysfunctional -I'd actually be surprised if she approved of my friends, but then, I'm fairly sure that she doesn't approve of me, so there's not much hope really.

Original poster

sandyballs · 21/05/2007 11:10

She seems to be getting worse with age, atlhough she's only early 60's, not ancient. I'm starting to find her quite offensive tbh.

I discovered nits on DD1 again last week and MIL is convinced that the only black kid in the class is infesting them all .

DD2's best friend at school has special needs (learning/speech problems) and MIL has said several times that she wishes that DD "hadn't got invovled with her, because there are lots of other nice children in the class" .

FIL dented his car whilst picking up the DDs last week. MIL blames "all the bloody women drivers, parking where they like and being too lazy to walk 5 min to pick their kids up".

I could go on but I won't. See what I mean about offensive?? She's a complete nightmare and I worry that she has too much influence on our DDs seeing as they collect them from school 3 days a week.

OP posts:

Grrrr · 21/05/2007 11:11

Surely they are adopting "alternative lifestyles".

She is dysfunctional for being freaked out by it and not being able to handle anything other than the old fashioned "norm".

Grrrr · 21/05/2007 11:16

Oh, I now see what a little gem she is .

Could you have a quiet word with FIL about her offensiveness and the fact that if the grandchildren repeat any of it in school there undoubtedly will be a huge inquiry into where they are picking up bigotted and socially unacceptable points of view and you and dh will not take the blame on her behalf.

Make a "near miss" incident up if you have to.

3andnomore · 21/05/2007 11:19

Lol...your MIL sounds batty at best, tbh....must admit...ducking away with a hard at though, that I agree with her schoolrun rant...there are to many to lazy mums (and dads) out there that seem to have lost the ability to walk 5 minutes....!
Don't let her get to you...she sounds very set in her ways and believes...it would be pointless to try and change her views... at her thinking it has to be the black Kid that gives them all the nits and her attitude to SN ....

Original poster

sandyballs · 21/05/2007 11:19

That's an idea Grrrr. I might do that tonight.

OP posts:

Roskva · 21/05/2007 11:20

Uuummmmm, I see. Grrr's suggestion sounds good to me.

choosyfloosy · 21/05/2007 11:24

i get a bit of this from my mum - though in a nicer form - she is terribly sorry for me and my friends as she thinks we have terribly sad and abnormal lives because we have settled/had kids later in life, and seem to have ongoing problems. Yes, just like everybody else, funnily enough Mum. And at least my dh didn't get drunk and sign a form underwriting his business with our house, and then go bankrupt and lose said house. Like what your husband did, Mummy. And really, for you and my aunt to go on about how much nicer it was when people got married at 21, when you are both divorced from said early loves, is a bit Much.

My mum also has a total blind spot where any form of disability is concerned. And although I know it is a blind spot, to my enduring shame if I spend a length of time with her, it starts to rub off on me and I have to visit the SN board here to reset my parameters.

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