Would you give up having children to own a house?

[thinking3333]

Would you buy a house knowing the mortgage payments would probably mean you could never afford to have a child?

[photographyaddict]

100% yes!

[Topseyt]

Just adding, my life would feel very empty indeed if I had never had my three DDs. The trials and tribulations of bringing them have been financial, emotional, psychological, you name it, but I wouldn't change it.

I love seeing the independent adults they have now all but become (they are 23, 19 and 15 now). We are a close family, and that is worth everything because not everything is measurable in monetary terms.

[jelliebelly]

You don't have to give up having children though - I had my first at 36 by then we were both earning well and had got used to paying the mortgage etc - childcare isn't cheap but it also isn't forever. I'd buy the house and focus on careers for a few years to maximise income

[Topseyt]

How will you define whether or not you can afford to have children though? You can't. They are the archetypal long term commitment and there are so many variables that will come into play over that time, particularly relating to (but not limited to) finances.

Nobody would ever have children if they tried to "afford it" the way you seem to be. You can save as much as possible towards your maternity leave, and you can try to re-jig your monthly budget to take childcare into account, but that isn't everything. There are always plenty more ad hoc expenses as well as food, clothes etc. Ongoing and scary if you stop to think too much about it, which is why many of us don't. We try to trim our cloth to get through it as and when the need arises.

[liz70]

"tiny cramped flat on 17th floor type thing"

Have you ever actually been inside a high rise apartment? The rooms are very large, or at least the ones I've been in are. Bigger than in a lot of houses, even.

[Pasithea]

Yes.

[thinking3333]

@SoyDora I hope so but I'm not feeling too confident as I was made redundant in my last job so I can't help but not feel too confident! After that I transferred my skills into a slightly different career and had to 'start again' at the bottom so to speak.

[yikesanotherbooboo]

I wouldn't ,but like you I would like to bring a child into a degree of financial security. We were lucky to have our children at a time when one salary could pay for a mortgage. We saved and bought a one bedroom flat and later a 3 bedroom semi . It stretched us but we knew that once the children were a bit bigger I would be able to earn decent money and that the financial pressure would be less.i know that we were lucky in those times and we felt comfortably off albeit without new cars, foreign holidays etc.it is much tougher now.

[Turnocks34]

I wouldn’t. We did everything backwards though, had kids early twenties, currently buying now we’re late twenties. We’ve never had to pay childcare however as my grandma looks after my youngest and my eldest is in school.

[SoyDora]

Do either of you have scope to increase your income? At 33/34 our household income is double what it was at 27/28.

[thinking3333]

The house is only a two bed too, so it can't get much smaller. Flats aren't much cheaper and they also have service charges and most are leasehold so not keen on that.

We don't live in a massively expensive town either, compared to the ones surrounding us. To move to a 'cheap' area we would have to move about 30 miles away and it would make getting to our jobs difficult. It would also be hard to find work in our professions if we moved to a cheaper area. Generally, the cheaper an area is the less jobs there are.

[thinking3333]

@HeyDolly I'm in my late 20s. Outgoings are hard to say as they will go up once we buy a house. Right now we rent a flat and the bills are low, by council tax, running costs will o obviously go up when we move.

As for kids, I've always felt I want to be able to afford them as I wouldn't want to do it otherwise. My parents had more children than they could afford and it was quite miserable. I want children but not ili wouldn't have them if I can't afford them.

[mindutopia]

No, definitely not. But circumstances can always change. We have two and still rent (early-mid 30s). When we had our first we had a reasonably low income (I was finishing a postgraduate degree and dh was starting a business from the ground up). 5 years later we have a 2nd dc and still renting, but we’ve used that time to improve our situation. I’ve finished my degree and got a good job, dh is running a successful business (making about 4x what he did at his crappy old job), and we’ve been able to save and make some wise investments. We’ve gone from having no savings for a house to being able to put probably £200-300k down as a deposit in another year or two or even be mortgage free. That isn’t the norm for most FTB obviously. We’ve been very lucky that we now have decent incomes and were able to make the right investments with a little bit of savings at the right time. But even with much less, you’re still likely to be better off with a mortgage than renting forever and as long as you can pay rent now, you’ll make it work one day with children too.

[Dragongirl10]

Op it really depends on your age, if you are late 30s/40 then prioritising a child is essential.

If you are twentysomething and have time, then undoubtedly buy a home.

Rents always go up...mortgage payments don't and can be fixed.

You are at the mercy of being given notice and having to move incurring costs each time.

if you buy now, in 5 years you will have the same mortgage outgoing( or lower once possible equity is built up) and security of not having to move.
Option to rent out and keep home if jobs force move.

Home paid for by retirement so security when you are old.

If however you rent now, in 5 years it is likely your rent will have gone up, possibly you will have had to move a few times.There will be no chance of equity, no security.Retiring will be tougher.

Lastly it is MUCH easier and do extra evening jobs/weekend jobs to add income younger rather than older.

Your age is the deciding factor.

[SoyDora]

I think it’s a bit of a self pitying post... around how tough it is for millennials to get on the housing ladder and have children. I am a millennial (apparently) before I get shot down! It’s just how it reads to me. No discussion about how it could be possible to do both by changing things around a bit.

[HeyDolly]

You’re being very vague OP.

A number of people have asked what age you are, what your outgoings are, if you actually want children and you’ve ignored them all. As your last post was a link to an article this is starting to seem more like a research piece now.

[Rollawolla]

Op it's more based on what means more to you.. For example I would choose the house as I don't want a baby.

[wrenika]

I would. Owning a house gives you some security as you move through life. Having a child just costs money...and without the security of owning my own home first, I'd be pretty reluctant to bring another person into the world. So yes, I will always prioritise security over children. But I'm not very maternal so children will always be low on my list of life priorities.

[ArtBrut]

@ArtBrut childcare is very expensive so working full time wouldn't really be an option, and going part time would obviously = less money

We both work and have a small child, and no family in this country to help with childcare, so we are all too well aware of the cost of childcare. We moved out of London and got jobs in a place with cheaper housing. It wasn't easy, as we are both in fairly niche fields, but we couldn't have had a growing child in our tiny London flat.

[MercedesDeMonteChristo]

Childcare is expensive and all but obliterated my income when I had two that needed childcare but I continued to work because the extremely small amount that was left over was needed to feed and clothe us and I wanted to keep my foot in, part time for a while. We still rent, 3 children and 12 years later. It means for us that in out late 30s/early 40s we have to knuckle down to ensure we have enough for later life/the DC later.

[Alienspaceship]

Yes. My personal approach was to work incredibly hard to get a house and be financially ok - as much as you can be. I was surprised that I managed this by 35 and therefore still was able to have kids.

[BadLad]

Yes.

Not wanting the financial burden is one of the reasons I didn't want kids.

[Slartybartfast]

barbra

[BakedBeans47]

No.

Unless you’re very rich, everyone finds it difficult to pay for childcare on top of bills etc, you’re not in a unique position, plenty of other people manage to do both

[BarbraDear]

Yes, definitely.


The kids aren't taking the news well though.