AIBU to not want to pay for the kids

[Noregrets25]

So my partner and I don’t have children but my sister has 2 and my brother has 3. We often go out for meals for birthdays etc and the bill is split. When the kids were younger it didn’t bother me because they would have the kids menu drink tap water and was always very cheap.
However now they are older they eat off the main menu, they drink soft drinks and have dessert etc.
So we went out for my sisters birthday(she picked and it was not a cheap place) everyone had 2 courses, including the kids, they had 2 soft drinks each and everyone else shared wine, apart from my partner who had a Coke. So the bills come and it’s automatically split between the adults so my partner and I are paying towards 5 kids aswell.
AIBU to think I shouldn’t have to pay for the kids?! I spend a lot of time with the kids, take them out, pick them up gifts if I see something they will like, always treat them on their birthdays, but I feel like their parents should pay for them. Anyone else been is this situation and if so did you say anything?

[MidniteScribbler]

Except for a select group of people I dine with regularly, anytime I go out to dinner I just keep a running tally of what I owe, and before the bill arrives, take that out of my purse, add a tip and put it on the table with a 'here's my share'. If you say it in a very authoritative way, I find no one tends to argue with you.

[BitchQueen90]

boy me neither. My family all have different levels of wealth, I'm a single mum so I'm not well off and my family wouldn't expect me to pay for their extra wine/desserts etc if I can only really afford to buy a meal and soft drinks for myself and DS.

[boywiththebrokensmile]

''When I go out with family or friends it's you pay for what you've ordered.''

same, i really do not get this whole culture of splitting the bill when there are clearly many ppl here unhappy with it.

[Hillarious]

Bill splitting is bad news, unless you're out with one or two other couples and you've all had roughly the same to eat and drink and to do anything other than split the bill would be seen as petty.

Germany is great for dining out in big groups. You're usually asked at the end whether you'd like to pay together or separately, and paying separately isn't a problem. It's the sharing of a bottle of wine that causes problems, but the Germans get over that by serving individual carafes of various sizes.

However, I do accept that going to Germany for a family meal is a bit far and the cost of travel would outstrip any savings made on not splitting the bill.

[AlpacaBag]

Ooooh I hate bill splitting! I've been stung once too many times so I'm always prepared now!

I usually say quite loudly to DH when the bill arrives "how much was yours DH?" followed by "and one kids meal, blah blah blah so ours is £30 - super!" and chuck some money into the ring!

Don't be afraid to be blunt about it, if anyone doesn't like my approach they needn't bother eating out with us again! Why anyone expects other people to contribute towards their food/alcohol bill is beyond me.

[Findingdotty]

If every child is having an adult meal then you split it by 11 (assuming both your siblings have partners) then each family pays for the 'right' number of people in their party. Your sister pays x 4, your brother x 5 and you x 2.

[Lotuslots]

I am always shocked by people who put up with this crap. Stop it now. If they have any decency they will completely agree with you. Any horror on their behalf will show what cf they are.

[MarthasGinYard]

Yanbu

Entitled behaviour from your siblings

Must cost you a fortune

[Fluffyears]

This riled me, once on a team night out the drinks bill was split and came to £11 each. That’s the most expensive tumbler of cheap irn bru I’ve ever had. The guys had pints, 2 ladies were drunk as they shared a bottle of wine. I was driving and asked for irn bru, what I was given was a tumbler of flat imitation stuff that burned my throat....,£11 my arse! I also love the fact that since you possibly have a bit more disposable income you should be spending that on someone else’s children! Wtf?

[ChocolateWombat]

If the kids eat from the adult menu, then they cost he same as adults and the bill should be split and based on a per head basis - that means each family pays per head.

If there's an odd occasion where grandparents or someone else wants to treat everyone, then fine, but when there is splitting going on, people with kids need to expect to pay more than people without kids. Simple really.

And yes I can see how this creeps up on you.....they start as toddlers eating the food Mum brought along and then move onto a cheap children's meal and then a more expensive children's meal and before you know it, they are on the full adult menu and want all (or more) of the courses that everyone is having plus more drinks probably - because kids who aren't paying,months exactly rein themselves in....which is fine, if the parents are prepared to pay for their choices and not expect others to partially for the bill.

Should be easy to deal with 'as everyone's eating off the adult menu now, let's split the bill per head'.

[Foslady]

And yes I checked - last year I sub’d The meal by nearly £30....

[Foslady]

We have a long standing yearly event that me and dd were invited to join another (childless) couple and a couple with 3 kids. As tears have gone on we now eat after said event. The childless couple see the others regularly so I hope it evens out for them, but they all know I’m a lone parent on a poor wage, whilst they are rolling in it. Every time it comes to the meal, 3 kid family orders sharing platter starters for us all regardless of we like or want them. Then they are the only ones we’re one of them order alcohol. All three kids order off the adult menu - mains and puddings with numerous drinks (including now asking for hot drink at the end like the adults - even a babychino was requested at one meal because my daughter got one - well that was because she didn’t have a pudding....) and i’ve Noticed one parent always orders the most expensive meal.....ands then they are the first to tell me last that the bill has been split 3 ways.....yes because of course I want to pay for your kid who I see once a year when we’ve purposely ordered cheap....

[morphyrichards99]

Finally there's unanimous agreement on AIBU! They are completely aware of what they are doing, soft drinks & desserts really add on to a bill & your poor partner only had a soft drink, maybe next time don't go unless you really enjoy they're company or when the bill comes whip out a pen circle your items & reply " by my calculations we owe 35 pounds, here's 40, include the extra fiver as a tip. I wouldn't offer an explanation, take a tip from the royal family "never complain, never explain" they will know next time & you won't "be had"!

[HelloHouse]

When we go out we split the bill between the amount of people eating and then pay for the amount of people in your family. So say the bill is £100, and there are 7 of you in total (family of four and family of three) we would divide the £100 by 7, we would pay that amount x4 and the other family x3.
Might be much easier to suggest that into conversation without sounding like you're objecting too much so as to keep the peace!

[Willow2017]

fuzzy
Op already does lots for her dns & dns. She isnt obliged to pay for fancy meals out for them too.
Kids are teens eating adult portions why should op pay for a share of 5 other adults meals?

And just becsuse she doesnt have kids doesnt mean she has the money to splash out on other peoples kids every mealtime ffs.

Not having kids doesnt mean you 'owe' parents any of your own money.

[BitchQueen90]

fuzzyduck that's a bit presumptuous and also unfair. I made a choice to have a child, I wouldn't expect my family members who don't have kids to then pay for things for my DS!

[MumofBoysx2]

If I were the parent of the kids in question I would offer to pay more, of course. It is not very fair of them to expect you to pay so much more. But then maybe they are just used to the arrangement being a long standing one. Maybe next time agree the bill splitting before you go to avoid awkwardness.

[MinisterforCheekyFuckery]

I’m guessing as you don’t have kids you have a lot more disposable income than your brother and sister.
So while YANBU to expect not to contribute to the children’s meals remember your are there aunty and uncle and it’s nice you do

Stuff like this really annoys me. Loss of disposable income is part of what you sign up for when you choose to have kids. OP shouldn't have to subsidise her brother and sister because of their life choices.

[Noregrets25]

Just because I don’t have children doesn’t mean I have more disposable income! I earn a lot less then my siblings, so while they may have children to pay for, if you take off what their children cost them we probably have the same amount of disposable income each month.

[fuzzyduck1]

I’m guessing as you don’t have kids you have a lot more disposable income than your brother and sister.
So while YANBU to expect not to contribute to the children’s meals remember your are there aunty and uncle and it’s nice you do

[Noregrets25]

Thanks everyone for your comments, I feel I can actually say something now, I think I’ll either go with the saying something before ideas or the ideas of almost being funny (but meaning it) was expecting some comments that IABU but seems like I’m actually not! Thanks!

[Jenasaurus]

Just thinking about a typical bill, so 6 adults and 5 children each meal costs £25 a head including wine and drinks. total bill £275

Your payment should be £50 but would be £90 for the 2 of you almost double which is not fair at all. So the family of 4 should pay £100 and the family of 5 should pay £125 and you should pay £50...I can see why you are annoyed

[PingPongBat]

YADNBU. I think splitting out your bill & then the others sharing equally between them would be more reasonable. They must have realised you're paying more than your share, surely? Are they taking advantage or are they just oblivious?

When we eat out with my brothers & their kids, we split equally, but at the moment it's OK: we have 2 teens who are starting to have the occasional beer or cider, DB1 has a teen & 2 younger kids, DB2 has 3 enormous hungry teens who also drink alcohol but usually choose the cheapest food options, so it sort of balances out.

[Jenasaurus]

I think you should divide the food between all the adults but the other adults who have the children, pay for the all the wine and drinks, that way it would be fairer on you (and you can order loads of wine! ) :) just one solution

[BrutusMcDogface]

YANBU at all. In my family if we want to split it simply it’s just split per head of family so those with kids probably pay a little extra.

This is a good idea!

Yanbu