AIBU to be mad at my DTs school?

[cariad31]

Am I being unreasonable to be mad at my DTs school? My DTs are in primary 1, and school finishes at 2.30pm. My DH, who is a SAHD, managed to fall asleep after lunch on Friday (he wasn't feeling well), and woke up to find that it had just gone 2.30pm. As the school is only a 5 minute walk around the corner, he didn't call to say he was late, but instead just ran round (I think we can all imagine the flustered state he was in by now!).

He arrived at 2.35pm to find our very good little boys waiting inside the school gates. They were a little upset, thinking they'd been forgotten.

What's made us both mad though, is being the good little chaps they are, they tried to go back into school to tell a teacher their daddy wasn't there, only to find that all the doors had been locked, and the teachers were nowhere to be seen.

Now, I'm not being funny, but the teachers could at least see that all their charges had been collected safely couldn't they? It seems a bit excessive to chuck the kids out and immediately lock the doors behind them (DH was after all only 5 minutes late).

I want to complain to the teacher, but thought I'd see what you all thought. So, am I being unreasonable?

[SofiaAmes]

At my ds' school (in the usa) they are not allowed to release the children except to an authorized parent. Even a sibling under the age of 18 cannot pick up the child (except with very special circumstances and permissions). If my ds is going home for a playdate with another child's parent, I have to write a permission letter and sign it. My ds is 6. At his school the teachers are in charge of the kids until they are picked up by the parents or the afterschool club.

Here is a link to a government brochure that says that children under the age of 8 should never be left out alone!!! You might want to print it out and bring it to the school. I agree with the other person who said not to tell the school why your dh was late. It's none of their business and will only allow them to distract from their lack of responsibility. I would stick with this until the school produces a written policy of how to deal with this huge safety issue and actually implements it.

[2cheekymonkeys]

YANBU. Surely the teachers should hang on and make sure all the children have been picked up safely before they make their escape? In my DS1's school, the children sit at their desks and the teacher calls them as and when their parents arrive to pick them up. They're not even allowed outside the classroom until a teacher has identified a parent waiting for them. to just turf them out to fend for themselves seems really irresponsible.

[ash6605]

CARIAD-have you complained today??

[DaisyMOO]

This is very, very serious and I would go as far as reporting it to OFSTED.

[ElenyaTuesday]

I agree with DaisyMOO - this is serious enough to warrant a report to OFSTED. Absolutely disgraceful behaviour by the school!

[cariad31]

My DH just called me. He spoke to the teachers this afternoon, and they both apologised profusely (my DTs are in separate classes).

Apparently although it is normal to lock the inner doors leading from the cloakroom into the classsroom, the outer doors should not be locked.

There is a bell by the inner doors so that children who are not collected on time would be able to go back into the cloakroom and ring to get a teacher. They then admitted that they may have forgotton to mention this to the children though!

So, all the teachers are going to remind their class what to do in case a parent doesn't show up, and the caretaker is going to be reminded not to lock the outer doors. They also said that they'd be sure to check that children have been met by parents in future.

Thanks for your advice, I now have to think up a good treat for my boys who did so well waiting for their daddy.

[kickassangel]

so glad to hear this, although i'm still surprised that teachers aren't by the door as the children leave!

[tigerschick]

I can't believe that they are still plannign to let the children go outside by themselves. I have taught in countless schools, on supply, in 4 different cities and it is not the policy in any of them to let 5year old - or even 7 year old - children out of the teacher's sight until the adult responsible for collecting them has been identified.

I think that a letter to the headteacher would not be out of order, just to reinforce how upset you are about the situation.

[DaisyMOO]

I still think this is really worrying tbh. The fact that two separate teachers have each made the same 'mistakes' on the same day suggest to me that they do not have safe procedures in place to ensure the children's safety at the end of the school day. They should not be letting them out of their sight until they have seen that their parent/carer is there and it is completely and utterly unacceptable for the onus to be on the child to return to the school if the parent does not arrive.

Most schools will have done a risk assessment on this and the fact that yours has no proper procedure in place would quite honestly make me worry about what else they are or are not doing that they should be. I honestly think this needs to go further.

[Hulababy]

I'd be furious and would complain. DD is reception age, 5yo, and the are not released from the classroom until the teacher in charge has spotted the adult who is taking them home.

I was 10 minutes late last term because of an accident on the motorway. I was unable to phone ahead unfortunately. the teacher had sent her to play in after school club, in the hall next door. There were no problems at all.

[Hulababy]

I agree that I think it is still unacceptable to send the children, so young, out for parents on their own. A teacher should be supervising them throughout primary school surely?!

[hannahsaunt]

Cariad31 - all sounds horribly stressful. My ds1 is also at school in NE Scotland and up to end of p3 all must be collected by responsible adult in view of the class teacher or they are taken back to the school office to wait. Maybe you should suggest that this becomes the norm (as it seems to be in most local schools here).

[tigerschick]

The more I think about it the more I think you really need to address this with the head. I really can't believe that 2 teachers made the same mistake on the same day. It is pretty clear that there is no other system in place and the one they apparently have is unacceptable. What if the children had decided to walk home alone and somehow missed your dh? No one would know where they were. Or if a friend had taken them home to look after them? Or worse? They must be supervised until they are collected. It really is very worrying that there isn't a policy to this end already in place.

[islandofsodor]

Same as everyone else here. In fact today dd's teacher had to come out to check who I was (it was raining, I had my hood up and was dressed more casually than I usually am so she didn't recognise me)

[cariad31]

The teachers do put their heads round the door when they let the children go but that's as far as it goes towards checking that the parents have turned up. The boys had originally gone out of the playground and walked to the tree outside where DH normally meets them (there's usually a crush by the school gates ). As soon as they realised he wasn't there, they went back in, but we think the teachers saw them go out the gates and assumed DH was there.

We have a Parents Evening coming up soon so I'm going to raise it again there. To be honest, I think they think we're overreacting - it's not uncommon here to have 5 year olds walk home alone . I know we live in a village, but it's not that small, and the main route to Aberdeen goes through - there's no way my two are walking home alone!

[Elasticwoman]

My ds aged 6 walks home alone, Cariad, even after my bad experience with dd1 (see earlier post on this thread). In practice, though, ds usually arrives with his sister.

[helenhismadwife]

Cariad you are not overreacting at all, as others have said they could have wandered off or been snatched.

Elastic you must have been out of your mind with worry, I imagine it was the longest half hour of your life

When my older ones were small it wasnt until the teacher saw a parent or the child pointed the parent out that they were let out of the classroom

[Rachmumoftwo]

OMG I would go mad! The responsibility for the children does not end dead on 2.30 (or 3.30 here) but when the child is literally passed from the care of the school into the care of the parent or authorised adult. What if an opportunist ahd come along, seen them and....It does not bear thinking about.
Print off this whole thread and take it with you to the head!

[sunnysideup]

hmm, I also would pursue this further; the school need to have responsibility for them right up until they are handed to a parent.

Oh and I do think your dh can make it safer too, by going into the school rather than waiting by the trees. Yes it's a crush, I hate it too but I park myself outside the classroom and just deal with it.

[Elasticwoman]

Yes, Helen, it was the longest half hour of my life until dd did it again 3 weeks later - not from school but from home this time and was gone an hour! I had gone upstairs for 2 mins to run her a bath, but not wanting to go to bed, she had gone downstairs and escaped through a ground floor window! Dh was still at work, and I had 3 yo and huge bump. It was still light outside. The police were calling their sniffer dogs in to help this time and again, dd was found by my neighbour who had gone to look for her, not the police in the end. Dd had been to look for Wonderland in a ditch near our house and was covered in mud but on her way home when found. A stern policeman gave her a talking-to and she never did it again after that. And we confiscated her Alice in Wonderland video.

[helenhismadwife]

we live in France and a few weeks back the outlaws were over, we went out on the saturday and decided to have lunch in a busy self service resturant, I had dd2 in the buggy dd1 was fed up and mil said I will hold her hand. I went off to get a table for us all 5 mins later dh came over and asked if dd1 was with me I said no she is with mil he said no she is not, I absolutely freaked out, I was in tears she is nearly 3, anyway dh found her within two minutes but I had nightmares for days after.

[Elasticwoman]

Very, very worrying to lose your child in a public place - specially one so young. There there, Helen.

[helenhismadwife]

Not as bad as your experience by any means but I just remember the horrible sick and terrified feeling

[PinkTulips]

my god... when i used to collect my 6 year old cousin from school i had to go right into the classroom and the teacher could only release them to a parent or gaurdian she recognised and had been authorised to let him go home with

on you behalf and most definitely complain again and make sure this never happens again, not all kids are as sensible as you DTs obviously are