I am at my wits end with DH. We've been married 8 years and fight incessantly. He maintains this is because I'm a 'nag' who is perpetually arsey. I'm always looking for faults and it's entirely my doing that our relationship is so rubbish.
I feel like I am driven to constant nagging by his behaviour but I hate saying that, as it sounds awfully close to an abusive/ controlling partner.
These were tonight's events, but they pretty much represent every day of our lives.
DH has been gone for a week. Four days for a business trip and then three days tacked on as a holiday (annual leave) to stay somewhere warm and sunny with his family. Holiday was not discussed with me, when I pointed out it should have been, I was told I was a terrible person trying to isolate him from his family. Conference call was held with his family discussing my faults.
I've been home alone with a DD5 and DS2, both unwell and asthmatic, no support network or childcare.
I really did not want to argue on his first day back.
He flew back this evening (first class) and:
Called from the taxi to enquire about dinner. Moaned about what I'd made and asked for different dinner. I made modifications.
Entered, throwing jacket on the floor, kicking off shoes and socks, opening suitcase and flinging out belongings while searching for a present. I politely asked him not to make a mess. Was ignored.
Said present was showed off. It was a designer present for himself, from the airport. Nothing for me. I admired the present.
Went to use the toilet and left a disgusting mess. Did not clean it. I ask him to do so nearly every day of my life. Ignored each time.
He demanded a back massage to de-stress from the flight (child free! First class!) I complied. Whined about how rubbish my massage was, he could tell I wasn't exerting enough effort.
I asked him to help with a small component of the bedtime routine (heating milk for DS). Was told I was inconsiderate as he'd had a long flight. Did bedtime myself, as I have for the last week and every weeknight.
Got to DS's room to find that he had passed out on DS's bed, snoring incredible loudly. Asked him to move. He replied I was picking a fight, my child and I are too precious, I should work around him and put DS to sleep. DS obviously wouldn't settle, and has taken forever to go to sleep. I have just left his room at 10:30 pm!
I am now FUMING and I know I won't have the patience to do it all again tomorrow without snapping.
I feel really guilty, because it's true that he gets on with whatever he wants to do, and suggests I do the same. I'm the one whose always pointing out his behaviour. I don't want to be controlling and bitter and negative but I feel as though I'm backed into a corner, or AIBU?
AIBU?
AIBU to be a nag
AmiU · 03/12/2017 22:42
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
AmiU - you are not being a nag. The behaviour you describe from your husband is completely unreasonable.
I agree with all the PPs who have advised sorting out your life as much as you can so that you can leave him.
Can you leave important documents and copies of things like payslips, bank statements etc at a friends house?
Do you have qualifications? If not, could you get some? Or update them?
As a child of parents who argued all the time my advise is not to stay with your husband for the sake of your children. My parents stayed together until my DB and I were late teenagers, and they thought they were doing the right thing for us. They were not. We knew that they weren't happy and this had an impact on us. We both wished that they had divorced at least 10 years earlier than they did.
Sending all my best wishes for you, and hope that you can sort this out and have a happier life. 
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