Talk

Unflip

1 2

AIBU?

To report alcoholic friend with a dd 9?

50 replies

Pandoraphile · 05/11/2017 11:39

Firstly - I mistakenly posted this in WWYD so apologies for the duplicate post. I really don't know what to do here and I'd value others advice.

I've known her since around Feb this year (parents at the same school) and we each have a dd (both 9)

I go to her house regularly and she comes to me too. Her house has always been disgusting. Absolutely foul. The carpet is badly stained all over, massive black patches and stains of almost everything you can imagine. It starts at the front door and continues into the house.

The kitchen is vile. Honestly, I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating but I'm really not. The surfaces are always covered with dirty plates, bowls, etc, bits of random food strewn everywhere and often half empty saucepans or frying pans. It's so bad that I would literally never eat there. Neither would my dp and he eats street food in El Salvador!!!! Her kitchen furniture is scratched to fuck and barely usable. On the occasions that I've seen her dd eat, it's been with her fingers whilst crouched on the sofa, or just on the floor where she flits about while she eats.I have never seen her use cutlery. Yesterday there was toast from the morning just lying on the carpet(no plate), half full glasses of milk, a covered cup that had soup in it was on its side leaking the soup. It's just horrendous.

All this was bad enough - then the kittens arrived. The house now STINKS of cat piss. It's unbearable. The smell gets you the second you walk in through the door. The litter tray is in the kitchen and I walked in there last night and I honestly nearly threw up, I had to open the fridge and stick my head in to stop myself. I have a very, very strong stomach. I'm mid 30s and I've been sick less than ten times my entire life. The smell is everywhere. There's a covered litter tray so I can only assume that the cats are using the whole house as their toilet, it's grim.

Last week, her and dd came for Sunday lunch with some other friends. We opened some wine around 5 and by 7 she literally couldn't keep her eyes open. She seemed drunk when she arrived so I can only assume she'd been drinking at home before.
Last night, it all got a bit worse. Dp and I were invited over for 8 or so. When we got there we could see immediately from the hallway that my friend was passed out on the sofa. Not tucked up with a blanket for a nap, face down half off the sofa and arms and legs spreadeagled. Her dd apologised and said "Mummy's asleep" and then had to really shout and shake her to wake her up. She seemed pretty out of it all evening, eyes closing, etc and she eventually admitted that she'd had an argument with her boyfriend and so she started drinking at 9am No wonder she was tired! At this point I sent her up to bed with water.

Whilst I waited for my taxi I pottered around cleaning up the worst of the mess (old food, etc) and I started noticing the wine bottles. There were at least six in the kitchen, most empty, some still half full, 3 in the living room in bizarre places like underneath the stereo and on the mantelpiece above the fire. Then I found one hidden down the back of the sofa.

Now, the issue - her dd is a full time boarder. During term she comes home some weekends, not many. She's really only there during half terms and holidays. Do I report concerns to the school? Social services? I know their resources are stretched ATM so I'm not sure whether this warrants investigation or not?? Her dd father lives abroad and only sees her a handful of times a year. I'm pretty sure that the school will be keeping an eye on her from a safeguarding perspective.

Sorry this is so long but I didn't want to dripfeed!

OP posts:

Report

Appuskidu · 06/11/2017 09:48

Why do you go to a house that has cat wee all over it and makes you want to vomit REGULARLY?! Why did you accept an invitation there for the evening-you know it's disgusting, why didn't you say no?! Nosing down the back of her sofa and under the stereo isn't really pottering either, is it?

All very strange. I presume the dad pays for the schooling unless the mum has a very understanding job. Boarding at 9 though-is it a public school?