**trigger warning sex ** that he shouldn't have done this?

[Pixielemons]

I had ex-sex with someone who wasn't the best to me when we were together. He was very hot-cold with affection, treated me like someone who couldn't look after themselves, shouted all the time, etc. When it was good it was amazing, but the moods he had made the bad times awful. Anyway we split up over it.
We decided to be friends but both said we loved each other so difficult to maintain that obviously.
We had sex over the weekend. We were both quite drunk. Anyway, I remember thinking at the time that he was being pretty rough (We had "rough" sex when we were together, but it felt like a decision that we both made, both liked it, And we'd cuddle/talk after, he'd also "check" that I was okay during it, that kind of.thing). But when I woke up in the morning i found i had bruises on my face, on my eye socket, and a bloodied nose. I'm really quite upset. The bruises aren't big but they're unsettling. He was also really awful and grumpy in the morning and was in a rush for work so needed to leave, but was asking why I was disorganised and that he needed a shower etc.

I'm really sad. It felt fine in a relationship but feel really used abd feel I've seen a side to him which I really really don't like. Spoke to him after and he feels awful, but I'm really upset. He has text me today saying he is getting therapy and wants to know I'm okay. He said it has made him cry thinking of me upset. But I don't want to reply to him

[Garlicansapphire]

I'm very upset for you OP - whatever happened its not okay that you sustained harm. You need to get out of the relationship and nurture and protect yourself.

I'm afraid I think underneath there might well have been an element of cruelty in his actions - mirroring the hot and cold past behaviour (not simply rough sex gone too far). I wont say more, but it rings a bell with me.

[MyBrilliantDisguise]

But what was he doing to bloody your nose? Do you remember? If not do you think you might have been drugged?

As a PP said, there are certain injuries such as welts around your wrists from handcuffs that can be explained, but a bloody nose? Bruising around your eyes? I hate to think what he did to you.

Honestly, I think you should report this. Him being nice to you in the past makes no difference at all.

[mrsRosaPimento]

Making someone’s nose bleed isn’t accidental. Or bruises. You’re in denial.

[Bluntness100]

Feeling panicky that I've painted him as something he's not, he was very good to me at one point

Oh, well that makes it ok then. And as spoken by abused women throughout their history,

Op, you woke up with a bloodied nose and facial bruising. You can’t recall how it happened. And the man who did it to you simply criticised you for being disorgsnixrd and rushed off to work.

What would you say to someone who posted this?

As you’re no longer in a relationship this man sees no reason to hold back, to cuddle you afterwards, to ask permission, to check you’re ok. He sees you as someone he can abuse at will then simply insult and leave. Stop trying to justify it and protect him.

[1DAD2KIDS]

I think this is a separate incident as the poster has not stated knowingly participating in such an extreme form of rough sex but some women do enjoy extreme play including punching and resulting in drawing blood. So just saying not in all situations is unwanted abuse. Sexuality is a broad spectrum. But any type of sexual impact play should never involve drink.

[GabsAlot]

you kp defending him it was only blood it was only a small bruise

it was assault! if u cant remember then he didnt hav consent!

[WickedLazy]

Another who doesn't get this, was he slapping you or punching you around the face? I've slapped men during sex, who found it a real turn on, not something I like done to me though but punching? It takes a lot of force to give most people a bloody nose

[MadisonMontgomery]

I think his reactions afterwards - or lack of - speak volumes. I bruise very easily and was once left with fingerprint bruises on my arm after very consensual sex - my boyfriend at the time was absolutely distraught that he might have hurt me, that he might not have noticed that something was wrong etc. This bloke doesn’t seem bothered at all by seeing the damage he’s inflicted until a few texts later on (that I can’t help but think are more about covering his back than actually feeling apologetic).

[Pixielemons]

@Notthemessiah

I think you're right. I doubt it was intentional, I want to hurt her kind of sex, it's very likely that both being drunk, he has taken things too far and I have been too drunk to stop things.

I agree with everyone else about cutting him out of my life. I will arrange for counselling anyway after the relationship itself, and I am sure this will be discussed. Feeling panicky that I've painted him as something he's not, he was very good to me at one point.

Thank you everyone

[Misspollyhadadollie]

Tbf to the op I've had sex with my ex (when in a relationship) and been drunk and can't remember it like it's just a blank (though I wanted to do it so not concerned) so it is possible to not remember the next day. But she said they were both drunk so maybe he was too drunk to realise aswell?

[OneInAMillionYou]

Jesus.
You poor thing. Could he have covered your face with his hand, with pressure, to stop you breathing?

I can't bear to imagine the thoughts in his head when he was doing that, either about you or women in general, but please get some real life support and yes, photograph the marks and bruises while you take some time to think about what you want to do.

What kind of man does this, then hurries away leaving you bloodied and in pain. It breaks my heart.

[WickedLazy]

Did you black out?

[Bluntness100]

I don’t understand this, facial bruising and a bloodied nose and you didn’t know it was happening? You didn’t know till the morning? Was he hitting your face? Slamming it against the wall or something?

Of course it’s assault. I get why you don’t want to press charges, but you need to stay away from this man, as this is just awful.

[1DAD2KIDS]

I would never engage in consensual rough sex involving physical impact play when drunk. One from a concenuasl side of things. Two because of impaired judgment (on both sides) including the level of force to use and the reduced feeling of pain. It's a very dangerous situation. I suppose you need to ask your self was it consensual as far as you were concerned (don't let other people decide this for you)? Was it reciprocal or was everything initiated by him?

[DJBaggySmalls]

He's abusive. Not 'grumpy', abusive. There was no misunderstanding. You agreed to sex and he assaulted you.

Now he says he is upset. Thats part of the cycle of abuse, its designed to make you feel bad and apologetic.

[Notthemessiah]

What you do next totally depends on whether you think what he did was deliberately go beyond the rough sex you used to enjoy and set out to hurt you, or whether he was drunk as well and accidentally went over the top. Bruises certainly don’t sound good, but sometimes marks do get left. Going to the police will have serious consequences for him so I really think you need to be sure he meant to hurt you. If you are sure though, then this is assault at the very least and he needs to face the consequences.

Whatever you decide, it sounds like you need to end whatever relationship you have with him - if this was accidental, drunk sex where neither of you are in control and ends with you both feeling like shit the next day is not good.

[Pixielemons]

You can't notice them with makeup on and the face one is fading. Can't really see the one above my eye. Nose just was bleeding no outside damage, was all bloodied and crusted in the morning that's how I knew it was bleeding.

[milliemolliemou]

Dont reply to him and cut him out of your life. Take photos of your injuries with dates on. Record it and your/his texts. Talk to a counsellor. Register it. Decide what you want to do.

Seems to have been a toxic relationship anyway.

How the hell will you get to work/present at work?

[CPtart]

He needs help. Don't answer his texts and stay well clear.

[mrsRosaPimento]

Not rough sex. Assault. Photo the bruises and go to the police. You didn’t consent to be beaten.

[honeyroar]

This is awful. Punch or not, you have to use some force to leave bruises and bloody your nose. Horrible, disgusting man.

[Dutch1e]

A bloodied nose and facial bruises are difficult to achieve without real force.

Is it possible he crushed his hand against your face hard enough to block/bloody your nose and leave fingerprint bruises?

If so, you really need to resolve this for yourself - if not police then definitely a chat with a rape counsellor, just so you can put it together in your own head.

I'm so sorry this happened, it's not just rough sex

[Primaryteach87]

FWIW I think any jury would think that you would need v v v v v explicit consent to that level of rough sex. So please don’t be put off because you previously agreed to some rough sex. You clearly didn’t agree to this.

[LadyWire]

That's not rough sex, that's assault. I like rough sex occasionally and I might have bruised buttocks/back of my thighs or on one particulary embarrassing occasion I had welts round my wrists but a bloodied nose? That's not a sex game. Take pics and go to the police.

[ThisBigSky]

" as surely that would work both ways?"

Well, only if he was also covered in bruises and had a bloodied nose?