To want a roast dinner?

[Figment1234]

Lighthearted. Kind of.

DH and I are staying at my in-laws for the weekend. They are lovely people but they aren’t the best at providing meals.

This morning DH suggested to me that we take them out for a Sunday pub lunch. I heartily agreed. I asked what we would do if they said they didn’t want to. DH’s response was that we would go out for one ourselves.

Conversation has now gone:

DH: we’d like to take you out for a pub lunch today. Shall I book it?
MIL: no thanks, we don’t want to. I’ve got a pack of frozen stir fry veg we can have for lunch.
DH: oh that will be lovely, thank you.

AIBU to be fuming at the lost roast dinner? We travelled here separately and my DH has made plans to do an activity with his brother this afternoon, which can’t involve me. Thinking of getting in the car as soon as polite, driving home and making my own bloody roast dinner!

[FeelingAggrieved]

@Council there's positive and then there's oh come on! 😂

[FeelingAggrieved]

A pack of frozen stir fry veg or a roast dinner... I just can't decide. Yanbu. That's shit.

[Turkkadin]

Whilst staying with my in-laws, everyone has a big Turkish breakfast around 10.30 and then nothing is forthcoming until around 8pm! The kids and I can't cope with it so I've taken to cooking our own meals whilst there. One evening nothing appeared at all as we all visited the local graveyard instead to pay our respects to the dead!

[puddleduckmummy]

I think YADBU, completely and wholly. Because I now want a roast dinner, with every possible trimming 😂😂 hope you enjoyed every morsel OP 🥘

[WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup]

[PoppyFleur]

Are you married to my DH?

My inlaws are lovely but are not used to hosting at all, the whole family (PIL & siblings) are like under socialised puppies. We drive over 3 hours to visit and don't even get offered a drink on arrival. Hot drinks are served at certain times, if you arrive in between tea/coffee 'rounds' you have to wait until the next one.

I now visit with drinks and snacks packed. Before children I used to view the weekend as part of a detox.

Oh and we also just boringly sit around doing nothing. I take a good book and catch up on my reading.

[Council]

Think positively - the lack of effort is a compliment. You're family, they don't need to put on special "guest" dinners or arrange entertainment. They're doing what they do as a family and you're a welcome part of it.

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

Maybe try being a grown up and appreciate that not everyone lives their life the way you want them to? You sound like a spoilt child

Right OK so whatever people do in their home as an adult you have to suck it up? I think that the OP's PIL are treating her and her DH like children, just expecting them to put up with them calling the shots on everything. But they are adults not children who presumably work so weekends/ Christmas are precious time off.

People yes can live their life how they like, including the OP.

[overnightangel]

Maybe try being a grown up and appreciate that not everyone lives their life the way you want them to? You sound like a spoilt child

[Figment1234]

To be fair, last Christmas I posted a moaning thread about spending a miserable Christmas with my dad and his girlfriend which basically amounted to me being the kitchen scivvy, so apparently I can never be happy!

[BulletFox]

You've made me want to go to the local restaurant when it opens now

[Figment1234]

No, I would say we’re about the same. I think it purely comes down to the fact that his DM sees cooking as a chore, whereas mine saw it as enjoyable! I’ve taken after my mum: nothing gives me more pleasure than cooking up a big meal for my guests. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

[haveagobletofblood]

This is all lightheaded now, just wait til Christmas when you're one of those poor women posting a thread about being trapped at in laws for a fortnight being served one meal a day of half a sandwich.

[Creambun2]

Are you more middle class than dh/his parents?

[Figment1234]

In the words of mumsnet I am aware I have a DH problem rather than a MIL problem! She was perfectly entitled to say no thanks for whatever reason she felt like. However, DH could have kept his promise that we would go out regardless. I expect he felt rude turning down the offered veg... he’s the loveliest guy but is very much a people pleaser. Something mumsnet has made me realise I also need to work on!

A leg of lamb is roasting in the oven (my favourite meat but DH is not so keen).. with Yorkshires, cauliflower cheese and other veg, with jam roly poly to follow. Yummy!

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

This posts sums up why there’s so many people with MIL problems with attitudes like this.

Quite possibly, but like it or not most of us are unreasonable about something/ in some way probably even you . I think it's actually a lack of awareness of this and a need to always be right that causes the problems personally.

The OP shows an amazing lack of consideration from PIL about anyone else but themselves. That is also equally unreasonable.

[AnnieOH1]

Did DH offer to pay for everyone? Perhaps your in laws aren't too flush at the moment and/or they don't want to accept 'charity'.

Also did he invite them to the pub or did he say carvery? I only ask because both myself and DH aren't the biggest fans of roasts. For me growing up it was always Sunday roast dinner with a salad at supper time. I enjoy a roast don't get me wrong, but I have to really want to eat it. We might have one roast a month, maybe two occasionally. In a similar vein I hate carveries with a passion, never found one that was that great. I'd have a very similar reaction to your MIL if someone asked if we wanted to go to a carvery.

[PandorasXbox]

Haha this would make me see red. It may not be reasonable but it would. They sound selfish tbh, what about what everyone else wants? I can't stand sitting around in someone's house with nothing to do anyway but without even a decent meal. Can you send him alone next time?

This posts sums up why there’s so many people with MIL problems with attitudes like this.

[Figment1234]

vegetables have just been consumed. They were perfectly pleasant and we also found a chicken breast so that was a turn up for the books! I’m still stopping at the supermarket on the way home!

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

Haha this would make me see red. It may not be reasonable but it would. They sound selfish tbh, what about what everyone else wants? I can't stand sitting around in someone's house with nothing to do anyway but without even a decent meal. Can you send him alone next time?

[TheDuchessofDukeStreet]

Op, your family sound like mine, especially everyone reading their own books! Bliss, isn't it?

[Hotheadwheresthecoldbath]

Oops.We're having stir-fry for dinner,not a frozen thing in sight.
However if I had guests for a midday meal on a Sunday I would go for a roast in some form and lots of it,and a pudding.

[WorraLiberty]

Op why did you marry into such a family???

I'm guessing because (as the OP says) they're lovely people

They 'aren't the best at providing meals', so she's doing the right thing by providing her own roast dinner when she gets home.

[Figment1234]

Yes that’s exactly it.. if I had just been told we were having stir fry veg that would have been absolutely fine. It’s the fact that my DH suggested the roast dinner and then snatched it away again! I shall be having words later!

Honestly, the family are lovely and compared to some of the ones you read about on this site they are absolutely fine. They just have a different idea about hosting to my family (and it appears many others)!

[PandorasXbox]

Op why did you marry into such a family???

Haha

You are kidding right?