help needed on fair financial settlement, is this fair?

[Confusedmummy2017]

Hi,
I really hope someone replies as i desperately need to sort this out!

So form e under way voluntarily, ex earns £56000 i earn £20000, i work part time. Have 3 kids (1 together, 1 of mine has a disability, can't increase hours at work due to care of kids)

He has savings not sure of the actual amount yet. His pension worth £47000, mine worth £20000.

I have debts total £16000, due to him being financially abusive and me ending up using credit in my name only throughout the marriage, on pertol, food, christmas, birthdays, car maintenance, etc.

He has said a 60/40 split of equity in house with nothing else 60 to me, equity in house around £110000.

My proposed proposal to him that i would love some views on;

1, 70/30 split in my favour, owing him £33000, when our son leaves fulltime education.

2, child maintenance would be around £300 on his salary, but having worked out my income and outgoings my shortfall is a total £450. I was going to ask for a total of £450 child maintenance/spousal maintenance per month for a duration of the next 7 years until our son reaches 13 so i could then increase my working hours. Then the spousal maintenance would stop and just become child maintenance.

3, I will not ask for any of his savings or pension.

4, He has a decent car he brought new a few years ago and i have an old zafira which has done 14000 miles so wont last much longer.

We have already agreed i will remain in the house and take over the mortgage which i have in principle already, i have also requested to take more out on the mortgage of £15000 to pay off the debt and am uncertain if i should request a greater percentage of the equity to cover this?

I would really appreciate any views negative or positive to help me with this. I will have to self represent in court should it come to this as i cannot afford a solicitor, his parents have already offered to pay however many of thousands he will need for court!

Thanks

[harshbuttrue1980]

50/50 in my opinion. I don't see why a mother of a 7 year old can't work full-time - plenty do. Its more likely to be that you are the mum of a disabled child that stops you being full-time, but the disabled child isn't the child of your second husband so he shouldn't have to pay for that. 50/50 on assets plus child support for one child. If you can't work because of a child with special needs, that's something your first husband needs to help with, not the second one.

[DailyMailReadersAreThick]

Osolea So if courts don't award what's fair, how on earth is it useful for OP to canvass opinions on what is fair? Your post makes no sense.

[millymollymoomoo]

A mesher order with say a 30% share to the ex will mean a 30% share of value at time of sale not present value. Sometimes it is better to try to avoid this if possible particularly if there is a long time to go.

You do need to see a solicitor

[LondonGirl83]

I also suggest going to the legal board as you are getting a lot of misinformation presented as fact.

I also think you need a RL solicitor and a full understanding of your husbands assets and debts

[Osolea]

The OP asked for views, positive or nagative on what people though was a fair settlement. What lawyers advise and what courts grant isn't always fair, or morally right, so it's not unreasonable for posters to give opinions, even if they're not in line with what OP could get if she hired a solicitor.

[Be3Al2Si6O18]

1. You need to find out his savings before committing to a deal.
   

1. Get the debt paid off asap. It needs to be taken into account in the settlement as coming out of the pot before the split, irrespective of his level of savings.

[Tinkerbec]

Have you tried the wikivorce site?

Loads of information on there

[ChocolateDoll]

Amazed so many people have suggested 50/50.

Distance lack of knowledge, there.

OP - you are not getting experienced or qualified advice on this thread. Please do try the legal boards. You'll get less posts, but of a rather higher quality than some of the nonsense quoted on here 👍🏻

[heidiwine]

No random person on the internet can give you advice on the fairness (or not) of a financial settlement. A lawyer will be able to advise you on what you can reasonably expect to receive so go and see one. You've got quite a bit of debt already - what's an extra grand going to add provides it gets you a reasonable perspective based on law not opinion.

[PeppersTheCat]

The debts would be joint if gained through the marriage

Source?

Also, what if one party was unaware of them due to financial abuse?

[DailyMailReadersAreThick]

I know you can't afford representation in court, but I don't think you can afford to represent yourself. I would do whatever I needed to get myself a good solicitor who specialises in this kind of thing - representing yourself is a real false economy.

[Hotheadwheresthecoldbath]

You need a solicitor as you were married for only 6 years.The debts would be joint if gained through the marriage,house 50:50 .His savings and pension you would have some claim on but really only what has accrued before marriage.
I know it is all rubbish but you do need a solicitor.

[traviata]

OP please ignore a lot of the posts on here, many of which are misinformed and just plain wrong.

This is absolutely not a 50/50 situation, and it does look very much like you will need spousal maintenance, at least for a few years.

This case would not be determined on what you both brought into the marriage, because your needs, your exH's needs, and above all your children's needs (all 3 of them) will over ride any question of 'contributions'. In any event, your contributions will be continuing for as long as any of the children of the family are dependent (not just those to whom ex is the father)

It is essential that you get RL advice from a solicitor.

[DancingLedge]

OP, I'm not seeing any of the wise MN lawyer names on here: I would strongly suggest you try report your first post and ask MN to move this to legal.Not everyone who replies there is a lawyer, but there are some great ones.

[ASqueakingInTheShrubbery]

You need to know what his savings are before you can make any decisions. He should be sharing the matrimonial debt, which could mean that you get a higher proportion of the equity. First job has to be full financial disclosure, or you just don't know what's fair.

[nameusername]

I have debts total £16000, due to him being financially abusive and me ending up using credit in my name only throughout the marriage, on pertol, food, christmas, birthdays, car maintenance, etc.

I would seek an independent solicitors opinion on the best deal that you can get for the child you both have including spousal maintenance for yourself.

[confusedlittleone]

Is the £450 to cover stuff for your children to other dads as well?

[Osolea]

Personally, I don't think it's fair to expect spousal maintenance, especially if you get the house. Nor is your ex responsible for your debt. Your outgoings are only relevant to a certain degree, you are 100% responsible for providing for yourself and your older children so you can't expect maintenance to reflect what you need to spend to maintain a house big enough for three children when he's only responsible for one. You say your youngest doesn't have a good relationship with his Dad, but either way, your ex has a responsibility to provide a home for his son too, and that will cost money.

Your ex should definitely be responsible for 50% of childcare fees, and any other expenses directly related to the son you have together. It would probably be better to work out how much that costs, and then base what you're asking for on that.

How much equity in the house you ask for depends on what you both brought into the marriage in the first place.

[Badhairday1001]

Sorry crossed post. I've just read that you are part time because of your child together.

[Badhairday1001]

If you can, definitely pay for an appointment with a solicitor, even if it's just a one off. You will know then what is reasonable to expect and have a basis for any negotiations. It is more complicated because you are working part time due to your older son who isn't your ex's.

[Confusedmummy2017]

I just need the advice around the figures I was saying above & any other suggestions anybody would have that might help. I am fully aware that he is not responsible for my other 2 children.

[Confusedmummy2017]

Yes I know about my other children and yes I have never stopped working I just can't increase my working hours due to caring for our 7 yr old. My soon ex can't care for him, he doesn't even talk to him, he works all day so can't pick him up from school etc so my working hrs for around our 7 yr old and the before and after school club. I went bk to work when he was 7 months old so have always stayed in work.

[Witsender]

This ex isn't responsible for choices you made relating to a disabled child you had with another man, nor for ongoing costs relating to him...his father is.

You have one child together so maintenance will be based on that, and as he is 7 presumably it would be expected that you return to work?

[Confusedmummy2017]

The part time working is due mainly to our 7 yr old and needed in to look after him. I left my home town when I left my daughters dad yrs ago so have no local support. I work for the NHS shift work and have requested & been granted flexible working to help me fit it in around the kids. My eldest has many ongoing issues a disability as well as mental health issues added to by my soon to be ex husband and needs lots of support. Our son tog hates my husband as he has been a moody man for so long it's impacted on all his relationship he just won't get the help he needs. My soon ex doesn't even talk to our son let alone the other kids it's been this way since I ended it I'm March and has got worse. So I can't increase my hrs with no help to care for my kids until they are older.I've seen 3 solicitors for free 30 mins but at the beginning was mainly about divorce etc. If we sold I wouldn't be able to by anywhere near as house prices are around 260000 this is what ours is now worth, we owe 116000 on the mortgage and I can only get a mortgage for 120000. I really appreciate all your advice. We been married 6 & a half years.

[Confusedmummy2017]

I left my older 2 dad 13 yrs ago he was violent so we totally moved away. He has not seem them they were 2 yrs and the other one 2 wks old at the time. He is in prison and has never paid maintenance. My older 2 are 14 & 16 literally just yesterday!