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AIBU?

How long is long enough to wait for a late friend

47 replies

ginplease8383 · 20/10/2017 14:19

I've been waiting in a car park with my DD3 and DD1 for a friend who I forgot is always late. No word from her. She's 25 minutes late. When is reasonable to leave?

OP posts:

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Textpectation · 20/10/2017 21:03

Nope. I have one friend and I arrange to meet her at places that I can just get on with things. I don't wait, 'see you at 12' = I'm there and starting then. I don't go to anything time critical with her like the pictures. Everyone else 10-15 mins.

My tolerance for this kind of nonsense ran out when I had DC. Like fuck would I wait 45 mins for anyone that was habitually late.

ginplease8383 · 20/10/2017 20:00

BIL and SIL never have a reason it's all 'you know how it is' etc and were like this before they had kids! Now they've got one they are even worse.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 20/10/2017 19:33

I suspect someone always that late would have fallen off my friend list. It is selfish and arrogant. Anything over 15 minutes on a regular basis is designed to make the people you are meeting feel unimportant.
Different if travelling a long way and stuck in traffic occasionally but if you want to meet later just suggest a later time.

GranolaLover · 20/10/2017 19:24

My DD has a friend who is ALWAYS at least an hour late. I think her all time record was 3 hours. I said I don't understand how she puts up with it. Once,she left my DD and my DGD standing outside a station in London for an HOUR AND A HALF,in winter,when it was bloody freezing. I would have left after half an hour. What annoys me most is that from what DD says,she is never particularly apologetic,and never has a very good reason for being late. Last year,DD was deliberating whether to invite said friend to DGD's 8th birthday party. I said what was the point,as she would probably turn up just as it was finishing?! Yep,it's that bad. Nothing ever seems important enough for her to actually make an effort to be on time. I think this attitude is rude in the extreme,inconsiderate and basically just says 'My time is important but I don't give a toss about yours'. I'm not the world's best time keeper,but I wouldn't dream of keeping someone waiting for 1.5 hours in the cold,in the middle of London!

TheOneWithThePurpleWrapper · 20/10/2017 19:09

I would have waited 15 minutes max.

ginplease8383 · 20/10/2017 19:08

SIL and BIL is always a few hours late for every family event.

OP posts:

ginplease8383 · 20/10/2017 19:07

She has a small child too.

SIL was so late once that she arrived 15 minutes towards the end of to a wedding! So she just went to the after party. Apparently BIL overslept. It's not my family it's DP's, you wouldn't get away with it with mine x

OP posts:

Slimthistime · 20/10/2017 18:42

OP how late was she?

can't believe no one calls out SIL!

yawning, do you mean she doesn't reply to chatty texts? That wouldn't bother me, but constant lateness, I don't put up with that.

martellandginger · 20/10/2017 17:46

Maybe start arranging to meet in places close to you home. Get them to ring when they get there and they can wait 15 mins for you to arrive for a change! Or met at the shops and again get them to text when they’re there.

If anyone should be late it’s you with 2 small children.

yawning801 · 20/10/2017 17:39

I have a friend who sees text messages immediately you send them and replies two days later. She once arrived almost an hour late with a smirk saying "Sorry, had to nip into x shop and y shop." Then she'll agree to meet and text the day before saying "Sorry, have to cancel!" or "Sorry, can we meet at z time instead?"

I am at my final straw with her.

2rebecca · 20/10/2017 17:35

15 min unless they've texted me. If always late I'd probably tell them when arranging it that I didn't want to be hanging around waiting and could they please arrange a meeting time they can attend. I'd only wait longer if she was doing me a favour by meeting me because i wanted to borrow something from her. Otherwise i'd leave and just say "waited 15 min and then presumed you'd forgotten"

ginplease8383 · 20/10/2017 17:33

Nope she turned up. Sorry my battery ran out. I think 30 minutes wait is reasonable. Better than my SIL who is habitually late and was 3 hours late a couple of weeks ago. The whole family moan about how they always do it and it's so rude but of course they'll never say anything

OP posts:

Funnyface1 · 20/10/2017 17:32

I'm ok with a bit of lateness if friend has small children. Anything can happen, baby decide to fill nappy just as you're heading out the door, etc. I would expect a text or call if it was as long as 20 minutes though.

HouseholdWords · 20/10/2017 17:27

I'd give someone 30 minutes. But I'm marshmallow obviously

FatRedCrayon · 20/10/2017 15:39

Yes, it probably depends what you are doing. If you have an appointment to get to I'd leave. If you were just planning on going for coffee, I might wait a bit longer. But half an hour would probably be my limit, especially if I have other people with me. I’d text and let her know. I hope she turned up, or had a good excuse!

For what its worth, I really struggle with being on time. But if I was that late and my friend had left, I wouldn't blame them!

Willow2017 · 20/10/2017 15:36

25 minutes without a good reason is taking the p.

If she hasnt called or txt I would be gone by 30 minutes. My time is just as important as someone elses.

Hanging around waiting with little kids is a nightmare, it ruins the outing before it starts as they are fed up and bored by then.

Happyemoji · 20/10/2017 15:27

Have you tried calling her?

Did she turn up?

JonSnowsWhore · 20/10/2017 15:26

Imagining OP still sitting there in the dark waiting...

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 20/10/2017 15:17

I had a friend like this. She was regularly so late that I knew she would still be at home at the time we were meant to be meeting.

DHs Family is the complete opposite. Three family members meeting up at a central location but coming from different areas of the UK. All three arrived at least 15 minutes early, within a minute of each other.

Ishouldbedoingsomething · 20/10/2017 15:16

10 to 15 mind is enough to wait - it’s so rude if they are persistently late.

Can you go do what you planned and she joins later but you stick to the original timetable so you are not so put out

ruthieness · 20/10/2017 15:14

If they are that late without a good explanation,
I "defriend" them!

I put them in another category!

starfishmummy · 20/10/2017 15:12

I had a "friend" who was always late.
Then once I was late as an accident had caused major.road delays. She went mad!!

Note. Had a friend.

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amusedbush · 20/10/2017 15:10

My friends is persistently late and it drives me bonkers. However I'm now too scared to ask why she was late after the time she turned up 45 minutes late and announced that she would have been on the earlier bus but realised as she was leaving that she needed a poo. Now I just smile and say nothing

monkeywithacowface · 20/10/2017 15:10

15 minutes would acceptable and I'd probably phone them after 20 minutes to make sure they were ok but as you say it is someone who has a history of being late I'd probably leave after 15 minutes.

I hate lateness so rude

HollyBollyBooBoo · 20/10/2017 15:06

10 minutes and then I leave if there’s been no word from them. Persistent lateness is so rude and disrespectful.

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