To bail on this commitment - need to make a decision urgently!

[notheretoargue]

I work in the arts. A few months ago I responded to a call out for people to give a talk about their work to people who want to break into the field. I was then put in touch over email with a theatre company that runs an evening course for learning disabled adults, and we arranged a date when I would come in to give my talk. The date is tomorrow.

Last Wednesday I spoke to the person running the course and found out that he doesn't know anything about my work, hadn't even googled me, and that the course is about acting (my work has nothing to do with acting).

I emailed him the talk I was planning to give, to see what he thought. He said it wasn't suitable and could I 'show some videos' and then do a practical exercise for an hour. I don't have any videos to show, and he said the practical exercise I suggested wouldn't be suitable because it's about language, and most of the students are not comfortable with reading or writing.

The thing is, my entire job and field is about writing. So I don't know what else to do.

I suggested over email that I was the wrong person to do this session. I asked if there was anyone else to step in. The man emailed back saying he was sure I'd be fine and he could meet me an hour early to talk it through if I liked.

My dilemma is:
I feel really strongly that I don't want to do it. I hadn't planned to spend hours preparing something completely new, and will have to turn down paid work to do it tomorrow. I don't have time to turn up an hour early because of childcare commitments. I don't think the students are going to benefit from me giving a talk about my work, or, quite honestly, from my trying to cobble together something else at short notice. And I just don't feel like I signed up for this. While I want to help people break into the industry, one of the reasons it's so hard to break into is because there's a culture of people working for free!

But I know if I don't do it I am going to mess up the course. I will definitely be letting them down. And may well gain a reputation within the wider industry for being difficult/ selfish/ flakey, which is very difficult if you're a freelancer.

If i'm going to say no, I have to do it asap. Like, give them a call this morning.

AIBU to bail? What would you do?

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Glad it's sorted, well done.

[RhiannonOHara]

Such a good outcome, OP. I'm really pleased.

[notheretoargue]

Ok, so update: I emailed a version of the very clear emails that very helpful posters suggested upthread, and the man was very professional & understanding about it and apologised for the crossed wires. He agreed that I wasn't the right person. I'm glad I followed advice to be 100% clear that I was pulling out, otherwise I think he might have thought I just needed some reassurance.

I have learned what I should have known already - never assume when you could know for sure. We should have spoken earlier, although to be fair I did email back in the summer to say 'I'm a poet' and I did of course google the org (nothing led me to believe my work would be unsuitable until I found out about the specifics of the group). Nevertheless, both me and the org have apologised and moved on.

Hurrah for MN!

Thanks everyone for your advice!

[RhiannonOHara]

I would, Annie, just to avoid exactly this type of scenario. Which has ended up taking up a lot more of the OP's time and headspace than it needed to.

[ArcheryAnnie]

TBH I think rather than assuming they knew about what you do, you should have arranged to talk to them about it much sooner and made sure they knew what you do.

No, sorry, this is nuts. If you invite someone do do work for free, you don't put the onus on them for making sure they are what you really want.

[PuppyMonkey]

You say they didn't even Google you to find out who you are and what you do OP - but it sounds like you didn't Google them to find out who they are and what they do either.

[reflexfaith]

So this man gets paid for his time but he wants you to give yours for free, and he's wasted your time your free time by not giving you enough guidance so that you can do the job
He's just a dick isn't he

[unfortunateevents]

If you are a poet and that is clear from your website etc. then the organiser was clearly approaching the wrong person in asking you to present to a group where many can't read or write comfortably. What kind of videos did he think you could show to fit in with your work?!

[RhiannonOHara]

TBH I think rather than assuming they knew about what you do, you should have arranged to talk to them about it much sooner and made sure they knew what you do. Then the onus would be on them to initiate a discussion on either you doing something that fitted with both acting and poetry, or whether you were indeed the right person for it.

I don't think you can do anything but pull out now, if it's a choice between this and paid work; but I don't think you managed it well. NB I'm not taking sides; neither has the organiser.

[Cheby]

YANBU. Just bail. If an organisation wants someone to give their time for free they need to be well organised and respectful of your time and skills. This group is not.

[KERALA1]

Surely going along doing a cobbled presentation about something you know nothing about will make you look worse than not doing it for very good reasons. For free!

Sorry am also self employed and the non paying brigade get right on my nerves.

[GirlcalledJames]

Tell him you can only offer your original writing based course and you can't come an hour early and let him cancel you if he wants.

[JemimaLovesHamble]

This man is at fault for lazily trying to make you fit into the role he's trying to fill instead of looking for a more suitable person. If he wants an actor they're not exactly thin on the ground! It's his self-caused issue.

[fridayfreddo]

The organiser is completely at fault. He should have researched you and your experience before asking you to give the talk, and then he should have checked your talk was suitable much sooner. He sounds very poor. Agree with Guilty above - I'd pull out.

[5rivers7hills]

Sounds to me like you've been manoeuvred and manipulated into working for free

Agreed!

[Lunde]

This sounds awful - especially the way they keep changing the goalposts on you - ie saying that the students are working with texts but then dropping in on Friday that some don't read or write

I would either
A cancel
B just go in and wing something based on student activity

For example I would wing it with

• short intro on words/poetry based on current talk
  
• brainstorm on a theme - getting students to think of words on a theme and write them on the board
  
• split the students into pairs/groups to write their own poem based on the words on the board
  
• get them to perform the poems
  
• brief wrap and run (fast)

[Penhacked]

Yes, I think pulling out is fair if he is not happy for you to deliver the material you prepared with no tweaks. If he has such strong opinions, he should have given you that hour of his time weeks ago before you had anything to rework. Your time is precious and no way should you have to cram in extra work due to his ineptitude.

[ReanimatedSGB]

BTW if he emails you back whining, don't respond. It's no longer your problem.

It's only ever people in the arts who get treated like this: event organisers think we are all interchangeable hobbyists who will do anything and everything just for 'exposure'. If the thoughtless lazy tosser had booked a dentist to give a talk about hairdressing, would he still be going, oh just turn up an hour early and I'll tell you how to adapt your talk?

[WhoPoppedMyBalloon]

Pull out - and don't lose any sleep over it.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I don't think you should pull out at this stage either, but I do agree that you shouldn't do any other prep for it.

Do the talk you've prepared. If it's not suitable for all, then so be it - the organisers' fault for not researching properly. BUT it might also be ok for some of the attendees, and they might get something good out of it - so do it for that opportunity.

And yeah, don't go in early if it's going to cost you extra to do so - just do what you were originally asked to do and they can deal with any fall-out. To be honest, it might get them to buck their ideas up on researching speakers/ guest lecturers a bit better in future, rather than putting the onus back onto you to clear up their mess!

[notheretoargue]

Ok. I have emailed

No, he's not a volunteer. The course is funded & he is a full time member of staff. The organisation receives regular funding from the Arts Council (NPO)

[reflexfaith]

If this is the way he runs things people probably bail on him all the time

[iseenodust]

You would have been within your rights had you said definitely no on Friday when all finally became clear. To cancel now for tomorrow is flakey and makes you look as hopeless as group organiser. Agree with PP set aside a fixed amount of time and cobble together your best effort using YouTube etc.

[JennyOnAPlate]

I think you should pull out op, and don’t feel at all guilty about it. They’ve massively wasted your time.