to think the benefits system makes women subordinate to men

[PeppersTheCat]

If a single parent (the majority which are women) partners up, she loses her benefits and become literally at the mercy at her new man. There is an assumption that the man will fund the woman AND her children. Essentially, women are encouraged to stay single parents indefinitely OR lose their independence and rely on the goodwill of their partner.

How is this system fair? Is there any hypothetical way around it? (Particularly if you have young children).

[CallingPeopleACuntOnFb]

Basically the man moves in and thinks woohoo free rent and just keeps his money to himself

Quite why any woman would put up with this is a whole other discussion

[SleepingStandingUp]

So OP what is your siggeation?
That if a couple break up and Mom has the kids she gets benefits - housing benefit, tax credits etc. If she then moves in with someone else she continues to get these so she is "equal" to the man who can now live rent free in her home? Even though he may earn a good wage, by moving in with a single parent is actively taking a step to be a family? So in your circus where bf is not a low earner he is obliged to do nothing to support the new family he is creating? What if you have another child? Does he pay for THAT child food but you spend your benefits on the other kids?

And if you're going cap in hand to a partner for money, you're in the wrong relationship.

[makeourfuture]

A woman must have money and a room of her own

• Virginia Woolf

[seasidesally]

ive sadly seen many cocklodgers living with single parents many hardly work or just do bits and bobs,the women ends up supporting in all ways the boyfriend and taking a big risk

these women are in a no win situation,you may ask why do they get with these men,there is a whole host of reasons and to many they just cant understand why but it goes on alot

believe me these women dont gain anything financally or otherwise and take a huge risk

what do you suggest then op,genuine ???

[ivykaty44]

It always amazes me how many woman on benefit won’t or don’t persue the children’s father for CM but are happy to take benefit

I’d like to see CM taken as tax

[PortiaCastis]

Oh God I'm a single Mum reading this and thinking why just why what is the point of this thread?

Everyone has a different story and I am still fuming at the don't have children you can't afford shite!

[PortiaCastis]

I just wonder how people know so much about others financial affairs !

[seasidesally]

pursue benefit,maybe because the man is self employed,a well know known scam

maybe the man has threatened them

maybe he is unemployed

maybe he gives the odd crumb and says he will give up work or go self employed if she dare go to the CMS

do you really think these women just shrug and cant be arsed to claim CMS,really??

[NSEA]

I agree.

Although, My mum left my dad, whom she had been financially dependent on for 15 years. She refused to claim benefits, trained to be a teacher and worked hard to be financially independent. My dad never paid child maintenance (6 kids). So I think you're very right and wrong as well.

Although there is a lot wrong with the benefits system I don't think it atops when you get im a relationship. It is just assumed finances are shared once living together.

[PortiaCastis]

CMS is like blood out of a stone!

[goose1964]

If single mum on benefits moves in with single man on benefits their income will go down as a couple's benefits is not twice a single person

[Oldie2017]

I would cut theb enefits right back so everyone works full time. I always worked full time. It leads to more equality in relationships and fairness.

[ivykaty44]

That’s why I’d like to see Tax office take on CM then every non resident parent would pay regardless of self employed or harmful

It wouldn’t be perfect but a dam sight better than now

[pillowcat]

I was a single mum claiming benefits for 12 years before I married a new partner. I don't get maintenance as my DD's bio dad is dead, although he was already an ex when he died. I didn't find it too difficult to leave the relationship and I think the old benefits safety net was reasonable (the old income support, tax credits, housing benefit etc system) - we managed on that income for over a decade. I think UC seems to be harsher and has made it more difficult for women to be independent .
DH is a very high earner and I lost all my income-based benefits when we got married, including child benefit and child tax credit. I think that's reasonable as we have a good household income now. I do get carer's allowance and disability benefits which, quite rightly, aren't means-tested. DH isn't familiar with the UK benefits system and I had to explain to him that I would lose out financially, and that once we were married we would need to view our finances as joint. He said he just took it for granted that would be the case, and he accepts that he's responsible for us as a family (I don't work which is my choice, due to DD's high needs and I have had another young child with DH). If his response had been any different then I wouldn't have married and moved in with him. I have full access to family income and I never have to ask for money or check if I can buy something. I'm certainly not going cap in hand to DH, any more than any other relationship with unequal earnings. We put a lot of our savings in my name as it's more tax-efficient, and we're saving towards a pension for me.

I'm aware that I'm as vulnerable as any sahm, so it was important for us to be married before moving in together, which at least offers some protection. I agree with a pp who said it's important to not move in with someone until you're ready to be a blended family. DH and I were a solid couple for 5 years before we moved in together. DH bought a house for us to live in as a family so my children have a better lifestyle than we used to in our old council flat. Before moving in together, we were in a solid relationship but he never stayed overnight and we don't socialise with other people much so the DWP wouldn't have found anyone who'd say they saw us as a couple. I went for a benefits check while we were dating and explained the situation to my lone parent advisor and she stated it wasn't an issue and it wasn't considered to be co-habiting. I never introduced any other boyfriends to my DD so it was a stable transition for her (she struggles with change as she is autistic).

[NoCryLilSoftSoft]

It always amazes me how many woman on benefit won’t or don’t persue the children’s father for CM but are happy to take benefit

Happy to take benefit? You mean they have no alternative because as I said upthread the child support system is not fit for purpose and allows NRPs who don't wish to pay child support to get away scot free. M

I’d like to see CM taken as tax

Me too.

[NoCryLilSoftSoft]

I would cut theb enefits right back so everyone works full time. I always worked full time. It leads to more equality in relationships and fairness.

Which is fine if you also force employers to pay enough so that one full time wage is enough to cover rent/mortgage, childcare, plus all essentials expenses for a family. Currently it isn't. A full time 40 hour week on minimum wage gets you £300 pre tax and NI. Full time childcare in my area for one child is £250 a week. Now take off your tax, NI, and travel to work costs. Are you having air for dinner?

[ivykaty44]

It’s when the single parent benefits decrease as each dc leaves home for university or just turns 18 & is no longer classed as a dependant. The amount of wtc. HB. CTR. That stops leaves them unable to pay the rent. Moving to a cheaper property isn’t always an option as rents so high and room needed for returning off spring

Woman in particular are left shocked at the demise of their income

[Andrewofgg]

Don't have children that you can't afford.

Future children are surely something you choose not to have if you can't afford the ones you already have?

The sort of thing I used to say as a foolish young man at a school debating society. Well, I'm still a man, no longer young, but I hope I'm no longer so bloody stupid as to speak such tripe.

It's no damned good saying that a woman shouldn't have children unless she or somebody is going to support them; or that a man who has children by A should not have children by B until, I suppose, A's children are adult. That's not how our species ticks, never has been, never will be.

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

It always amazes me how many woman on benefit won’t or don’t persue the children’s father for CM but are happy to take benefi.I’d like to see CM taken as tax

Can you give your sources for this please? I don't personally know anyone who doesn't pursue the father of their children for maintenance but I can understand why for some women, it simply isn't an option. Maybe try walking a mile in their shoes?

CM as tax? It is not the people who pay tax conventionally (PAYE) that are the issue! You can successfully obtain maintenance from those on PAYE as a general rule. The issue is self employment, agency working/moving jobs frequently, and men who are supported by new partners.

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

It’s when the single parent benefits decrease

There is no 'single parent benefit'.

[NoCryLilSoftSoft]

Our species is capable of logical thought and decision making andrew. Of course no man or woman should be having children if they can't afford to raise the ones they have. My comment was in response to a question how a man could afford to buy a house for his existing and future children. Well for starters future children don't exist yet, no matter how nice that would be. You have to take care of the ones that are here. If you're managing that and can still spare some cash/increase your income then fire away. Have more kids. Otherwise, don't be planning future kids:

but in order to get rid of benefits for single mothers the other parent wouldn't just have to have pay half the cost of raising the child they'd need to pay it all plus all of the main parents expenses (haircuts Clothes rent all food/bills and travel costs) which isn't exactly fair either

Why have you decided that single mothers have no obligation to support themselves and their children?

[Ktown]

Women aren't on benefits for the bloody pleasure of it.
It is because they cannot work flexibly or are unable to earn a decent wage to cover childcare.
I'd support subsidies for much more childcare but most won't agree.

[NoCryLilSoftSoft]

Agreed ktown a combination of realistic wages and flexible childcare and working options will go a long way to supporting women to work. I speak as a lone parent having to use tax credits and housing benefit to top up my income to cover essential costs. I don't want to. I would far rather be self sufficient but one full time wage simply does not cover rent, childcare, food, energy, travel expenses, clothing etc.

[Magpiemagpie]

ivykaty44
Why would it be a shock that any chld related benefits they get for a child stops when they the child is no longer a child .
Generally if child stays in college for FE then all benefits are payable till the child's 20th birthday ( not for Uni but for BTec & NVQ A levels
I think that's pretty generous

Do people really not realise that once a child is no longer a child or in full time education they won't be getting any benefits or do they think it should carry on paying out till said child leaves home and gets married age 30

[expatinscotland]

You don't have to live together to be in a relationship.