"If you didn't hold her so much then she wouldn't cry so much"

[Dancingfairy]

I have a 4 month old, it's tough I have to be honest. She cries constantly unless being held which is difficult as I have other kids I struggle to keep the house clean and even go out. According to a family member if I didn't hold her so much she wouldn't cry so much but my son was never like this, he was a content happy baby. Aibu in thinking this isn't true? Or is it?

[Ellendegeneres]

Oh and as for slings, I can't use one. I suffer severe sciatica, I struggle to walk some days let alone carry the lump around. Housework can wait.

[Ellendegeneres]

Both my dc were koala babies. Eldest age 4 still is to a large degree. Co slept with both (individually) but eldest only stopped a year ago. Still comes in when he's feeling insecure or wakes up missing me.
Youngest is now in cot all night and sharing with brother. So I get 12hrs to myself. But when we get up, god help anyone who gets in the way of his mummy. I have to be in view or he freaks out. My dp came over today to help with dinner time and baby screamed bloody murder til he was brought in to watch me finish cooking. I didn't get my dinner til 8, when kids were sleeping.

Four months is too young to not cuddle when they need it imo. I had to manage feeds, nappy changes, baths, bedtimes etc around both kids. No help, single parent. My dp used to grumble at me that he never saw me without baby in my arms. Tough. Little babies need the comfort of their main carer/s. Self soothing comes later. Dc2 is now 14months and can do it to a degree but still needs me. I'm okay with that

[Threenme]

I am going to stop reading this thread, I have very luckily had the worlds easiest non-crying, sleeping from a few weeks babies! I'm due now! This thread is frightening me! This is not a stealth boast they are little devils now and I'm paying for my earlier luck

[BlackeyedSusan]

I became expert at washing up on one leg while using the other to rock the car seat. she is the best sleeper out of the two now.

[kittydetective]

My DS screamed from the moment he came out - never stopped. He was permanently held by me, slept with me etc

No reflux. No tongue tie. He was a healthy, thriving baby.

He cried 12hrs a day.

He's now 4 years old and is a delight. He was totally worth all that pain, at the time I honestly thought I was going mad.

I was put on anti depressants which didn't do anything because I wasn't depressed I was just worn down by the constant 12hrs a day crying.

He genuinely cried all day, wouldn't settle in a pram/buggy/car seat, journeys in the car were a fucking ordeal.

I have everlasting back pain from carrying him around for 2 years ... he didn't walk until he was 20months.

DS is an only child

[Banania]

It's usually reflux.

[kittydetective]

TOTAL SHIT!

Some babies are just high maintenance

[Ilikehappy]

With my dd I was very into attachment parenting when she was a baby and carried her in a sling the whole time. I even had a water sling so she could go in the shower with me! Looking back I think it had some benefits as I enjoyed learning all about the slings and stuff and I could get on with things, it's great for dogwalking. But I've seen plenty of happy, healthy children who are raised in a more conventional way. So I now think, while it's important to be responsive to the baby true attachment parenting is not necessary do what works for you.
The drawbacks I have found is it's a bit isolating unless you live in a hippy utopia. It's like being a vegan, everyone has their opinion and it can make it harder to make friends or cause conflict with existing friends and family.
Also some people just don't like the constant physical contact (some babies don't like it either).
I think the mother's welfare is very important. A baby needs a reasonably happy, healthy mum as do any other children. The baby is so sensitive to the mother's mood. If holding the baby the whole time is making you miserable I think it will just be counter productive. It's supposed to help you bond and make the baby feel happy and secure. It's not going to work if the mum is miserable and lonely.
Having said that I did enjoy my years of slinging the baby and cosleeping and I recommend it to anyone who is a slightly crazy hippy type.

[Thataintnoetchasketch]

My DS was like this and a few people were full of this kind of crap advice. He was almost never put down except at night, breast fed on demand hourly or more and took every nap in my arms until he was 5&1/2 months - then one day he went down in his cot, napped for 3 hours and has never looked back. He finally slept through the night by the time he was 1 and has gone from one of the worst to the best sleepers I know.

He's excited to go to bed at night, goes down for naps awake and at 21 months will quite happily wave me off to work with absolutely no drama. I'm glad we persevered and let him find his way in his own time but it's so hard to have the confidence when people are ready to tear you down.

[Crumbs1]

There's an element of truth in not holding constantly and allowing them to learn to settle themselves but if you're not comfortable with that, it's your call.

[Mustang27]

Utter rubbish, somecbavies need more attention than others? Could you get a sling or a carrier to put her in to free your hands up. My wee boy was a Velcro baby I’d have lost my mind without my sling.

[Bluesrunthegame]

DS2 cried unless I was holding him, or he at least knew exactly where I was and could see me. It was just how he was, eventually I just accepted it and used slings, got to do things very quickly, or made sure he was in a little bouncy chair thing and could see me. I think some in-laws made unpleasant remarks, but I felt he was just a clingy baby and if I tried to change him, it wouldn't work. DS1 and DD were completely different. DS1 was something of a shock, although I'd realised by the time he was born that every baby is totally different.

I'm saying hold your baby! Put her down for brief moments to clean the loo or whatever you need to do, but if she needs you to hold her at this stage in her life, what's the harm? She thinks you're the best thing in the world, why not cuddle her if that's what she needs right now?

[JayDot500]

Urgh, self soothing 😒

My son was like your DS. He wouldn't even go into a sling. Family members talking smack about self soothing etc. He's a very confident 1.5 year old now, who I'm not sure would have been the same way if I had left him to cry all those long nights ago.

Children are not the same, do what's best for your son.

[stargazer2030]

I was going to suggest a sling too. It frees up your hands to get on with things but the baby still has the security and close contact. Mine was a godsend.

[Threenme]

I don't know! I often think if we all said what we thought all the time we'd all have no friends left!!! Especially when it comes to kids!!

[Daydreamerbynight]

No, I can see how you came to that conclusion Threenme, because I only made reference to my newborn. My eldest is not a baby anymore.

And tbh, I was projecting. I have had this said more than a few times to me. I'm certainly not organised. I guess that sometimes you say things anonymously that you might want to say to someone IRL. I should just grow some and do that.

[Threenme]

I didn't take it personally at all daydream! I just think it's a little idealistic and sometimes not possible! it made me think, wrongly (sorry) you must have just the one! Maybe you're just much more organised than me! I suppose things take longer here because I have to repeat myself a million times before anyone listens!

[Daydreamerbynight]

Threenme. I have two. Sorry you took that so personally.

[Threenme]

Also op in a month she will be old enough for a jumperoo and I can't recommend enough!! It will change your life!!!

[peaceloveandbiscuits]

Daydreamer did your older children cook their own meals and wash their own clothes? Second and subsequent babies have to slot in and sometimes that means they have to wait a few minutes to be fed or changed or whatever.

[Threenme]

Daydream how many kids do you have? No one wants to ignore their children but do I say dd we aren't doing your spellings tonight I'm busy cuddling or ds I don't care if you want feeding I didn't have this baby to put it down!! Sometimes you have to 'crack on' with the day! Clothes need washing, I refuse to live in a dirty house and there are others to consider!

[Daydreamerbynight]

I cuddle as much as I can. The time goes so quickly. I personally didn't have a baby just to put it down to cry and crack on with my day.

[silverbell64]

OP. Do what you need to do. I actually think that reading through all these messages, slowly and surely is the way. Leave her to cry when you need to do things for short periods. Don't feel guilty at all about having to do this.
4 month old children can be precocious.

[theEagleIsLost]

My eldest was like this and my family said similar - however she always out lasted them and their attempts to sort her.

Found a sling she'd tolerate which helped, though she was easier to hold than many babies wanting to be upright rather than classic baby hold - but having a vibrating bouncy chair helped the most.

TBH I really wished I'd invested in a swing - just so I could do things without her getting so upset - mainly as I found it very distressing.

Next baby wasn't so demanding which proved it was us and holding - then next one was same as first but by then we were considered experienced so got no comments.


I don't think it was anything we did just temperament. It did get easier as they got older.