Background, DP and I have been together for just over 3 years, cohabiting for 2.5 years.
He earns reasonable money, however when he moved into my house, I found demands from payday lenders shoved into the back of cupboards at his old place. He dismissed these and said they weren't my concern as they were incurred and paid off before we met. Fine, I left it at that.
Last year, a demand came to our house for an old outstanding debt of around £1.7k. AFAIK, he has ignored that completely.
We were going to speak to a mortgage advisor early this year. The night before the apppointment, he broke down and cried, worrying that his credit rating would mean we were unable to get a mortgage. This is the only time I've ever seen him cry. We didn't go to the appointment.
I have today found another demand for late payment, shoved into a drawer, from another company.
WIBU to sit him down tonight and insist he shows me his credit report? We don't have any joint finances, and we are not married but I can't see how we can have a future when his attitude to debt is to hide it like this. I could be being harsh though, as a previous boyfriend declared himself bankrupt whilst we were living together and I had no idea!
AIBU?
To insist to see his credit file?
ChangeroOfNamero · 18/08/2017 10:07
OP, I'm so sorry it turned out like this. At least you seem to have your head screwed on.
Don't let him turn this round on you - you're not grabby, or interfering, or anything else he might insinuate. With someone who's financially irresponsible, at best you will never be able to rely on them and can never have joint finances, at worst they'll drag you down with them.
And the lying/hiding debt is an absolute deal breaker.
Our DM is like your DH, and unfortunately it's harder to walk away, though I've been trying. For us it meant a childhood of not being able to answer the phone or door in case it was bailiffs, money worries (since she would always hide debt we never knew if "fine" really meant "fine"). And she ended up pulling everyone else down - she's had several "fresh starts", parents and several partners who have bailed her out at their own expense, and once we turned 18 we ended up taking out loans when she was "desperate" that she "would definitely pay back" - she would pay for a few months, then stop and guilt trip you. The thing is, no matter how much money/help she received, it never seemed to make a difference, and a few months later it would be back to square one again. A new debt/unpaid bill would turn up, we'd be unable to pay the rent/bills, and we'd hear the familiar "woe is me, if only someone could help" routine.
I know I'm projecting somewhat, but either way it's no life for a partner or DC. And if your DH is not willing to accept fault and be completely honest, there's no hope.
I would second what Pps have been saying about a credit check on yourself. You want to make sure that none of his debts have been tied to you in any way, and while nothing you've said so far suggests he's the sort of person to do it, it would also have been quite easy for him to take out credit in your name.
Best of luck. 
Yes, I've told him I'm done. Yes, I do have some savings now thank god. Now to work out how I will afford everything on my own! We have a dog, and the dog walker alone costs over £200 a month 
I tried to talk to him and his answer was just that he'll "make a plan" when he's good and ready and won't be pressured by me. He tried to insinuate that I'm money-grabbing by saying that I just want someone who can get me a bigger house! It's not that at all (although I thought we both wanted a bigger house). I just want someone I can build a life with and build joint finances with. That's never going to be him. He doesn't want to change, and so he can drown in his own financial shitstorm.
He has said he'll be gone by the end of the month. I can guarantee he'll ignore me for the next few days, try to wait for me to be less angry and then play the boo-hoo act, are you sure this is really what you want, etc.
I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to find this post actually, he has form for hunting me down on Mumsnet when I've asked for opinions about him previously.
Thank you all for your brilliant and straight-talking advice. I needed it.
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Just read the thread for the first time. Well done for giving him a chance and trying to help him make a new start.
Unfortunately, he has just shown that he doesn't care or respect you enough to change.
I hope that you have the strength to throw him out and that you managed to put a little nest egg in place.
Don't worry about sofas etc, so long as you an afford to pay the mortgage & bills and put food on the table you can manage. For everything else, look to freecycle or manage without until you have found your feet.
Good Luck.
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