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AIBU?

need advice

18 replies

melminx · 28/03/2007 12:30

hubby stayed out wednesday night at his sister because i had the hump and he didnt want a row. things been strained for few weeks his business partner ran off with a load of money which has left him deep in it with job his doing now. Rather than talk to me he bottles it and stresses out and has been distant. so me being me assume maybe there is another woman. i know there isnt but i have a ferocious temper that i cant control. told him tuesday to get out dont want him if thats the way he is goingto behave has stayed at his sisters couple times this year already. with 5 kids at home i feel his taking the piss staying round there just to avoid a row. stupid as well cos he just makes me madder that his stayed out. not tlaking just texted each other yesterday and today. So flippin angry do love him do want him home but how can i make him see staying out allnight is wrong? just want to smack his head in at the moment!!! very construtive i know! help!!!

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nuttygirl · 28/03/2007 12:33

Tbh yes I think you are being unreasonable. You know he's stressed at the moment and you told him to get out and now you're mad at him cos he did as you asked. Think you need to apologise and explain how frustrated you are that he doesn't open up to you about what's going on with his business stuff.

nuttygirl · 28/03/2007 12:34

Don't want to saound nasty btw...I do the same thing with my DH!!!

melminx · 28/03/2007 12:37

thanks i know im being a cow just cant help it!

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lulumama · 28/03/2007 12:37

you need to sit and talk, when you are not angry

you find his inability to talk stressful, he might well find your temper stressful

these are things that can be worked on and improved, with some help!

not confronting things and staying out is unreasonable of him, and he needs to learn new ways to deal with stress

but you did tell him to go ! did you say to him you thought there was another woman ?

you both need to talk and listen to each other, probably not easy with 5 kids...

nuttygirl · 28/03/2007 12:38

Ahh...lulumama you put it so much better than me

powder28 · 28/03/2007 12:40

Yeah we've all done the old 'get out and dont come back routine' but what we really want is for them to stop being miserable, talk to us and give us a big hug.
I do feel for your dh though, thats pretty low for his business partner to just screw him over like that.

melminx · 28/03/2007 12:42

no he stayed out monday night and i told him to get lost tuesday might just add that i had to take ds to st thomas to sign consent papers for him to have a cochlear implant on tuesday so ended up taking all 5 kids never having driven in london by myself and going from memory with directions! but he needs to not stay out and yes i asked if there was anyone else i know there isnt and i know he stayed at his sisters because bless her she texted me to say where he was!

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ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 28/03/2007 12:43

Sometimes it takes a real shock - a wake up call - in order to change our behaviour. Not saying this situation is ALL you at all.. but you acknowledge that you are prone to being unreasonable. (If you ask a man to GO.. they generally will even if only temporarily).

Imagine life without him.. ie if he was entirely unwilling to come BACK.. that he had had ENOUGH.. and then the power would be transferred to him, totally out of your hands. And it might then be too late to change the way you relate to him/each other.

I used to be a real out of order bitch to DH.. these days he couldn't/wouldn't take my temper tantrums and I wouldn't expect him to. Equally I expect certain things from him that he hasn't considered necessary in the past. We both have lines that we know we don't cross out of respect for each other. (Although we don't pussyfoot around each other in the least.) It's all about compromise and learning to be happy with the same person for a lot of years!

The important thing to remember is that we all have limits.

powder28 · 28/03/2007 12:45

Hey! ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingPenisyHands, how goes it?

melminx · 28/03/2007 12:46

he doesnt want to go his said that but im just a stubborn witch i find it hard to back down. i have put my mobile in the cupboard so im not tempted to send nasty texts

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ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 28/03/2007 12:47

Hi Powder..Well.. I am not holding penisy hands.. {bleuurggh!] but I WAS a ShinyHappyDalek for a lot of days because-I-had-to-type-like-this due to dead space bar!! Am enjoying freedom of brand new keyboard now!

lulumama · 28/03/2007 12:48

the good thing is melminx, you know your flashpoints, and you know you are stubborn, and that is half the battle

i guess DH needs to take repsonsibility for his feelings and actions too

melminx · 28/03/2007 12:52

also wasnt just dh business partner was trying to screw he kept texting me like mad and i just ignored him cos i didnt know what else to do and dh found out. he never blamed me said he knew what bp was like but then bp was texting all these womens names that dh has apparently sneaked off jobs to see. dh is a builder!

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melminx · 28/03/2007 12:54

i know bp is just stirring but benn hard for both of us could lose our home over what bp has done

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lulumama · 28/03/2007 12:57

sounds like a horrible stressful situation all round

melminx · 28/03/2007 14:38

have texted dh about hour ago to ask why he stays out and that it makes me feel unwanted and it hurts but no reply. but im seething patiently i do hate being ignored and a text takes seconds to send so his either being ignorant or doesnt know what to say and doesnt want to piss me off more!! men!!!!

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ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 28/03/2007 16:38

He may not have his phone about his person Mel, or it may be on silent. It can seem like someone is ignoring a text when they're really not.

melminx · 28/03/2007 16:51

i know my patience level is about .2 seconds! except when it comes to my kids then my patience knows no limits! but he has texted apologising like mad said he understands how wrong it was to stay out how sorry he is. i just need to learn to keep my temper in check! im half irish with a full irish temper!! he always has his phone on him on loud at all time we own a loft conversion business and he deals with a lot of the calls. but thankyou for your advice i really appreciate and it has helped alot.

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