To ask if you've ever not fitted in at work?

[Midge1978]

Just looking for a bit of advice or even just sympathy! Have been working at a place part time for a couple of years looking after children and I work in a small team of women. It's my first job looking after children so I've had some confidence issues and it's not an easy job but I always try my hardest.

One of my colleagues has been difficult from day one, muttering about my many 'errors' and picking me up on everything. I welcome constructive criticism but she is exhausting. She completely ignores me at social events too. I try to shrug it off but I'm a shy, sensitive person and it makes me even more self conscious and very uncomfortable. My manger noticed it and told me to ignore her but she's also really pally with her too.

In fact all the women are quite a tight knit group and I don't feel part of it at all. They generally ignore me unless I speak to them and I'm often thankful for the children distracting me. I do feel like I want to leave, it's a job of convenience anyway as it fits in school hours. I have never felt so lonely in a job. Has anyone else been through anything like this at all? Did it get any better or was leaving the only solution to being happy again? I just want to feel like myself again.

[blueshoes]

It sounds really bad if you are stuttering. I don't understand how management can turn a blind eye to workplace bullying. Please try to get out of this situation. It is completely not on. It is not you, it's them.

[Midge1978]

God wannabe I've started stuttering too, it's awful isn't it how your confidence gets completely eroded.

[Cupcake1315]

Opps posted too soon. Was afraid to even talk. It was just a bad environment. I'm glad I left. You need to leave. It won't get any better and you'll only become depressed and dread work every day.

It's awful that you're going through thi!

[Cupcake1315]

I'm a teacher and I worked at a children's centre as a nursery teacher. Oh how I was bullied! I cried every night, I got very thin, was afraid to

[WannaBeDelgadaToFitInToMyPrada]

Could have written this. Thankfully they sacked me in January. I would risk a joke and there'd be silence. They'd all do a full on Regan but ignore me. I'd be thinking bitches, come on, that was funny. I started off determined to stay strong but I had a STUTTER by the time the manager sacked me. One of the things she gave out to for was not being part of the team. I tried.

Officially workplaces don't want bullying no but it's more convenient for them to believe that you're ''uppity'' or ''weird'' or ''odd'' than to acknowledge that a team of however many froze you out. For no reason.

[demirose87]

Is it a day nursery? I've always found that this type of environment has a few bullies, I think cos everyone is working closely together and seeing the same people day in day out. I was in this situation a few years ago and the person involved ended up being suspended for bullying another girl after she had turned her attentions from me to her. I dreaded going into work because of her, she was so horrible all the time and always trying to put me down and embarrass me in front of others. Just do your job, be professional around her and speak to management if you need to. Most work places will not stand for any bullying

[Coloursthatweremyjoy]

In that case Midge. A trick of my husbands. He works with a team of management consultants, think high end, expensive suits, very intelligent etc. He has noticed that they smile. They smile at their friends, they smile at their enemies, whether you are happy, or unhappy, complaining or praising. He says it is their best tactic and totally disarms people.

I think it has to do with earning an extortionate amount of money, he thinks its a business technique. Either way it was the only thing that helped me...it confuses people you see they can't tell what you are thinking.

Good luck.

[GreenTulips]

I've also been there!

One woman is 'in charge' of social gathering - only she chooses who to invite where to go etc - she's been there years and very much above her station so to speak

I don't like the way she treats people, but unlike you I am confident and outgoing and she doesn't upset me.

I go to work do a good job and leave -

[Midge1978]

I'm a bit tied in because I am having to complete a training course but as soon as that is done I think I will have to look elsewhere and maybe put the children into an after school club.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Sometimes it is not you it is them. Sometimes it is just finding a place where you have people who appreciate how hard you work and realise you are a little shy and give you the space to be you.
Doing everything that is suggested is great but at the end of the day you could find another job and go and use your energies where they will be appreciated.

The manager knows what is going on and is very short sighted in her response. If you left and she got another part timer in who maybe wasn't as shy and who didn't have any qualms calling out the bullying nature she could find her nursery not running as smoothly as she hopes.

Presumably you are there because they need an adult because someone has a day off during the week so the ratio of adults and children is ok. If you left they wouldn't have that so would have to take less children.
Not a good strategy on behalf of the manager

[Crispdeficiency]

Just out of interest, why are nurseries horrible places in which to work?

Sorry you are going through this op, it sounds awful. What you say about the manager sounds like a red flag to me as the working atmosphere and professionalism of a place usually comes from the top.

[CurbsideProphet]

I've had this in a previous job. A month or so after I started my (all female) colleagues sat me down to say I was asking too many questions and everyone was finding me really annoying. I was gutted and so embarrassed, as I had been trying really hard to be part of the team. I felt so excluded and kept to myself for a long while.

I can be awkward and shy too @Midge1978 and that's not a bad thing! I've moved to a different job and I'm much happier. Look around at your options and plan your next move. Life is too short to be miserable at work

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Never worked in a nursery but have worked in offices all over the country . We moved with dps job quite a bit.

I am very out going and confident and fitted into different offices with no problems apart from one place.

I felt like I had been transported back to a poit in history where living together was unheard of, not going to church on Sunday was a mortal sin only men drove cars and going to the pub on a Friday night meant you were a prostitute.

I have never known a place like it. I gave it a couple of months thinking it would get better but it didn't so moved jobs, the next job was a lot more normal but there were a few who thought like the first office. Couldn't wait to move.

[HemmieH]

I don't think nursery settings are nice places to work. Many many moons ago I had to do placements at two different nurseries and nobody spoke to me in either. I was a very shy sixteen year old and tried really hard but to no avail.

[InvisableLobstee]

Sometimes you just don't fit into a team. You may have a different personality or work style to the others. Don't blame yourself. I would leave and don't look back! I know this job was convenient, but it would be better to do something less convenient but with nicer co-workers.

[araiwa]

Yeah. They were a bunch of petty complaining twats who would have been great if they had spent the same effort working as they did complaining about each other and pointing out each others mistakes. All the managers wiuld have a weekly meeting to basically complain to each other. I started calling it formalised bitching.

I left. Fuck that. Miserable fuckers

[lou1221]

I had this happen in two nursery settings, complete bitches, so unnecessary as well. I was volunteering whilst doing my training in the first setting, thought maybe that was why. Second setting I was employed, placed in the nursery for a two year stint, it was awful, one particular woman, talk to me like shit, undermine me, contradict me, you name it she did it. I fortunately got relocated after a year and am so happy now. Don't put up with it OP, look around for another job. xx

[Coloursthatweremyjoy]

Oh I've had this. In a nursery. I was part time as well so instantly seen as not really pulling my weight. (Even though I responded to an ad for and was employed for certain hours). I just didn't fit in, they made fun of my interactions with the children...being interested and enthusiastic about a toy a child had brought to show me for example...I kid you not. I was repeatedly passed over for training courses, responsibilities and promotion. Sometimes I'd get ignored, no idea why I tried everything to be friendly.

I'm not unconfident, I know im good at my job, I've worked hard for all the relevant qualifications. But this place really upset me, I was starting to worry about going in, getting depressed and struggling to cope with everything at home on top of it. I tried, it didn't work. So I left...management were surprised...They wanted to do an exit interview, um no, I talked to you abut all of this, you weren't interested, it's too late now.

I'm due to start a new job soon, they seem much nicer, just more like me. Don't stay where you are unhappy. Believe me there are better places. X

[Popskipiekin]

I feel like this isn't the first thread I've read on here about people having an unhappy time working in a nursery sorry OP, what a nasty environment. In the immediate short term, if you can try at all to rise above, breeze through it (I've stopped saying "sorry" at my work place if the issue is simply they would rather have it done another way, as opposed to a glaring error on my part - not constantly apologising has done wonders for my self-belief, made me feel and appear stronger; could you try this?) and don't dwell on it whilst you're there.
But you do need to pull this one individual up on how she is behaving towards you. "What are you muttering? Could you repeat that please? Do you have an issue with my work?"
Absolutely don't socialise - colleagues do not need to be friends. If it helps you to get out of a social event (and I am bracing for a ton of MN fury about telling you to lie) I would fabricate an active social life with all your wonderful friends (of which I am sure you do have many) that prevents you staying any longer at work than necessary.

[Brittbugs80]

I've spent 20 years working in nurseries. I've worked with some absolute bitches during that time and one set of behaviour was so awful, it resulted in me whistle blowing. I wasn't fired after but was forced into leaving. I still go past the nursery on the school run and the same woman is still there and it makes me so angry.

Honestly, the children often act more grown up than the adults there. I'd go there, ignore them and do your job the best you can. They are not your friends, you are not there to make friends and all you have to do is be professional and polite to them.

Hope it all works out.

[Midge1978]

I think part of it is my fault, I am shy and awkward but have never been ignored to this level before.

[Groupie123]

My current boss is like this. So what I did was encourage him to email me his criticisms that first week - he emailed me a 1k words & I implemented all of his 'suggestions' on some work whilst giving him credit for it with his boss. His boss reamed him out apparently because his suggestions were bullshit and I've been encouraged to work independantly ever since.

[applebags]

I've experienced this a couple of times and it didn't get any better . Sometimes you just don't fit into a group of people, and unfortunately when they're colleagues you have no choice but to spend a long period of time with them.

I changed jobs both times but the 2nd time took ages to find a new job; I was miserable and it had hugely damaged my confidence by the time I left. Immediately felt better in my new job due to lovely colleagues.

Please don't feel you have no choice but to try and force the situation - look for a new job and get out of there!

[Mummadeeze]

I feel for you. I worked on the tills at Tesco many years ago during my Christmas holiday from school whilst I was in 6th form and everyone was pretty mean to me. I felt really left out. The Supervisor was very critical and I kind of dreaded going into work. I obviously wasn't as fast as the women who had worked there years but I was new and trying my hardest. I think in your position I would look for something else given that they haven't thawed out in two years. They just don't sound like nice people, and work can be so much more fun when you work with a bunch of nice people who make the days pass quicker. Best of luck.

[juneybean]

Nurseries are horrible places.

It's absolutely nothing to do with you.