To be furious for being called out for menstruating at work?

[Snuffalo]

Having horrible menstrual cramps, naproxen isn’t touching it, and I remember I have a hot water bottle in my desk drawer - I used it all winter in my freezing office, and a few other people, male and female, have one as well - we have a rule against personal space heaters so it can be nice to have under your desk next to your feet.

Anyway. I fill the hot water bottle, nestle it in my lap, and I’m back to work. My sort-of-supervisor* we’ll call Guy comes over to talk to me about something, notices the hot water bottle, says “there’s no way you’re cold today, are you?” I say “um, no, just for the pain relief”. He looks confused and then literally horrified and then he walks away.

Less than ten minutes later, I get a Slack message from one of the HR admins (HR is based in another office a few hours away) to say “Guy says you’re not well and should go home, everything OK?”

I say “I’m fine, this is sort of weird, he just looked a bit shocked that I had a hot water bottle, I’ve got cramps, you know how it is.”

She goes silent and then offline completely, ten more minutes later, the HR Director calls me and asks me if I can find a meeting room, which I do. She then tells me that I shouldn’t disclose my medical problems to anyone who isn’t part of HR as it can make them uncomfortable. I’m literally shocked, I explain exactly what happened, she says “yes I understand, if you’re so unwell you need a hot water bottle you should be home, Guy is extremely uncomfortable and it’s unprofessional”. I say “this is weird, ok, anything else”? She’s quite breezy and professional - “No, that’s all, if you’re feeling better that’s great but if you need to, please do go home, OK bye!"

I’m just completely flabbergasted. Especially considering that Guy has been known to take meetings with clients whilst laying flat on the floor on his back because of back problems - which seems to me both unprofessional and likely to make people uncomfortable, not that I really cared personally. I wouldn’t have had my hot water bottle in a client meeting or even if clients were in the office.

Other people have standing desks, weird foot rests, all kinds of chairs and special backrests for their back pain and wrist braces for their wrist pain and a hundred other things and I’m not allowed to have a hot water bottle for my menstrual cramps? Am I right to be completely fucking furious?

*I normally have no problem with Guy, we don’t work closely, no one else does what I do at work but he comes closest and he does my nominal (and always positive) performance reviews and signs off on my holiday.

[grannytomine]

Stomach cramps can be caused by bowel problems (IBS) as well as menstrual problems.

[IloveBanff]

This is such an active thread with nearly 500 posts and the OP has only posted twice since the opening post. I wonder if she's forgotten all about it.

[corythatwas]

"Some people might not feel comfortable about talking about their bowels, I certainly don't want to hear about what happened when you went to the loo. For all you know he has a loved one who died of bowel cancer (I do and it is a pretty awful death) and that upset him."

But the OP did not talk about her bowels, that is precisely the point. She said "it is pain relief". With no detail at all.

If she had talked about bowel function, then I could understand his embarrassment. But she didn't.

[BlackberryandNettle]

Op next time guy is lying on floor, ask him why, then report answer to hr as concern that he may need to go home and state that his disclosure of a medical issue has made you deeply uncomfortable. I wonder how whether they'll tick him off for answering a question, making you uncomfortable and advise him to leave?

[grannytomine]

Unfortunately what is obvious won't really be classed as evidence at an ET. I had a member of staff try to take my firm to an ET as they "knew" what someone meant. It didn't even get to the ET as it was reviewed and thrown out.

As I said if they can show they would have done the same with a man with cramps then it isn't discrimination, madness maybe, discrimination no.

Maybe the OP can tell us if she, Guy or HR mentioned/asked what was the cause of the cramps?

[BlackberryandNettle]

What a prick, even

[BlackberryandNettle]

And unless HR have asked all other employees in pain, for example lying on their backs with back pain, to leave, they have discriminated.

[BlackberryandNettle]

Grannytomine the obvious explanation, by far, was period cramps. He asked a question then told HR he was uncomfortable about the honest reply. What a price.

[a1poshpaws]

Groupie123 is right - sex discrimination issue. Make a formal complaint.

[foxyloxy78]

You work with a bunch of complete and utter morons. This does not even sound legal to me. Check it out. Reeks of sex discrimination.

[grannytomine]

*In that case, how did Guy explain his embarrassment, which was, after all, the substance of his complaint? What is supposed to be embarrassing about "I have a pain in my stomach" if it is not relating to menstruation?
(seeing that OP did not go into details re bowel function or anything else with potential to embarrass) *

Why do you assume menstruation is embarrassing? You seem to have some issues yourself. Some people might not feel comfortable about talking about their bowels, I certainly don't want to hear about what happened when you went to the loo. For all you know he has a loved one who died of bowel cancer (I do and it is a pretty awful death) and that upset him.

The OP will look a fool at an ET if Mr Smith from accounts and Mr Jones from sales turn up and say they were also advised to go home when they were suffering stomach cramps because of IBS. My daughter suffers from IBS and she says it is much worse pain than any period pain she has ever had. If they can prove they would or have treated men with stomach cramps the same it is not sex discrimination.

Address what happened, don't make stuff up.

[coddiwomple]

I have long given up on hoping journalists do their job properly, and do some kind of research before writing an article, unfortunately we are past that, and it's not just the DM...

[wellymelly]

Ooooooo... you simply MUST MUST MUST bring in some packets of tampons and EXTRA ABSORBANT With WINGS pads. Leave them on your desk along with your sandwich over lunchtime

[wellymelly]

You have GOT To B F**KING JOKING!!!!!!!! I would have to put in a complaint about this to HR about their attitude and behaviour towards you, which is harassment THEY ABU!!! Guy, is also BU but it may be that he feels uncomfortable with you being at work in pain. Perhaps clarify that before jumping to conclusions. If it's as you thought, make a complaint about him too.

[Italiangreyhound]

Oh sorry I thought you meant the journalist!

[coddiwomple]

I wasn't talking about the newspaper, just stating there's no difference between tweeting the story and sharing a link from the MN FB page.

[Italiangreyhound]

coddiwomple "why should she check? This is a public forum, and all posters are anonymous. Mumsnet doesn't have to ask to post some threads on their facebook page for all users to share around."

Because it is common decency and it is shitty fake 'journalism'.

[IloveBanff]

The Stylist article is saying it happened to the woman who Tweeted about it, Emilie, with no mention that she read it on Mumsnet.

[Mulledwine1]

Also made it to Stylist: www.stylist.co.uk/life/careers/menstruation-period-cramps-office-careers-miosgyny-sexism-discrimination?utm_content=bufferaecb0&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

[IloveBanff]

I hope Guy reads that Independent article.

[coddiwomple]

why should she check? This is a public forum, and all posters are anonymous. Mumsnet doesn't have to ask to post some threads on their facebook page for all users to share around.

[EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans]

Just read the link. I wonder if Emilie thought to check with the OP before sharing on Twitter & speaking to the Independent?

[illegitimateMortificadospawn]

Independent link: www.indy100.com/article/woman-hot-water-bottle-period-complain-twitter-anygirlfriday-mumsnet-snuffalo-7838691?utm_source=indy&utm_medium=top5&utm_campaign=i100

[Greyponcho]

I am 50 shades of furious reading this!!

nosey fucker should have kept his nose out if he can't cope with the answer - I mean really?!. What did he expect your reply to be that you were training for a desert trek & were getting yourself accustomed to uncomfortably hot temperatures..?