To be furious for being called out for menstruating at work?

[Snuffalo]

Having horrible menstrual cramps, naproxen isn’t touching it, and I remember I have a hot water bottle in my desk drawer - I used it all winter in my freezing office, and a few other people, male and female, have one as well - we have a rule against personal space heaters so it can be nice to have under your desk next to your feet.

Anyway. I fill the hot water bottle, nestle it in my lap, and I’m back to work. My sort-of-supervisor* we’ll call Guy comes over to talk to me about something, notices the hot water bottle, says “there’s no way you’re cold today, are you?” I say “um, no, just for the pain relief”. He looks confused and then literally horrified and then he walks away.

Less than ten minutes later, I get a Slack message from one of the HR admins (HR is based in another office a few hours away) to say “Guy says you’re not well and should go home, everything OK?”

I say “I’m fine, this is sort of weird, he just looked a bit shocked that I had a hot water bottle, I’ve got cramps, you know how it is.”

She goes silent and then offline completely, ten more minutes later, the HR Director calls me and asks me if I can find a meeting room, which I do. She then tells me that I shouldn’t disclose my medical problems to anyone who isn’t part of HR as it can make them uncomfortable. I’m literally shocked, I explain exactly what happened, she says “yes I understand, if you’re so unwell you need a hot water bottle you should be home, Guy is extremely uncomfortable and it’s unprofessional”. I say “this is weird, ok, anything else”? She’s quite breezy and professional - “No, that’s all, if you’re feeling better that’s great but if you need to, please do go home, OK bye!"

I’m just completely flabbergasted. Especially considering that Guy has been known to take meetings with clients whilst laying flat on the floor on his back because of back problems - which seems to me both unprofessional and likely to make people uncomfortable, not that I really cared personally. I wouldn’t have had my hot water bottle in a client meeting or even if clients were in the office.

Other people have standing desks, weird foot rests, all kinds of chairs and special backrests for their back pain and wrist braces for their wrist pain and a hundred other things and I’m not allowed to have a hot water bottle for my menstrual cramps? Am I right to be completely fucking furious?

*I normally have no problem with Guy, we don’t work closely, no one else does what I do at work but he comes closest and he does my nominal (and always positive) performance reviews and signs off on my holiday.

[stumblymonkeyagain]

I think I would be tempted to explain, as though to a five year old, that you don't have medical issues, you have a period.

[WinchestersInATardis]

Wow. Just wow. I would be fuming.

[Valentine2]

I think Guy was trying to be nice. Ended up messing it a bit.
I would ignore the lot of them and carry on. I would use this for a rainy day but I can be mean like that.

[FrToddUnctious]

Guy comes over to talk to me about something, notices the hot water bottle, says “there’s no way you’re cold today, are you?” I say “um, no, just for the pain relief”

So they are offended by you uttering the words "um, no, just for the pain relief” ?

Utterly bonkers. Maybe put something in writing about what was actually said as the guy may have been misleading in how he reported the conversation.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Guy when he encounters the 'sanitary products' aisle of the supermarket.

[Bunlicker]

conspicuous uterus?

I had that once. It was awful

[RatherBeRiding]

I'd put in a complaint too. It's not exactly a medical problem - what if someone had seen you knocking back a couple of paracetamol and you mentioned they were for pain relief? Is that disclosing a medical problem??

Your HR need a bloody good talking to. As does Guy. But it's appalling to make such a fuss about someone having a hot water bottle. I regularly used to have one for back pain. It does seem like discrimination if other people are allowed aids to manage their various conditions, but you are told you should go home as you are making someone "uncomfortable"??

[Bunlicker]

I'd email him this.

And I'd buy him this.

[ExplodedCloud]

Good grief. What do they do if someone gets pregnant? Sign them off for conspicuous uterus?

[coffeecoffee14]

Periods are not a medical problem. In fact, not having periods is often a medical problem😂. on a serious not though, if you said you were feeling sick, would he get uncomfortable at that as well😂 after all periods are just as normal as that is.

[badtime]

I've got to admit, I would email HR and ask for them to reiterate this non-disclosure policy in writing, and to clarify what could and could not be disclosed (e.g. bad back, cough).

Basically, there is no way for them to do that without saying what they meant, which was clearly 'eeeeew, periods'.

[Bunlicker]

Ancient Greeks used to believe that women's periods could control the weather and summon storms. Maybe Guy is afraid of thunder?

By the power of Menstuaties I command thee thunder!

[Bunlicker]

he felt uncomfortable!

I'm sorry what? It's a Normal biological function. If you say you're going to the toilet does he get the vapours too?

I'd write a long angry email. I'm sure the posters on FWR can help you draft one!

[Jellycatspyjamas]

I always thought menstruation was a normal physical process, not a medical condition or medical problem.

[DefinitelyOdd]

Ancient Greeks used to believe that women's periods could control the weather and summon storms. Maybe Guy is afraid of thunder?

In all seriousness, Guy and HR need to sod off. Periods are not a medical conditon (as my old pe teacher used to tell me when I tried to skive cross country). Have you got a complaints procedure to follow?

[TipTop333]

Guy to HR: "THERE'S A WOMAN! ON MY TEAM! WHO IS.... on her period. DO SOMETHING, WILL YOU???"

[LucieLucie]

Why on earth have HR even entertained what this 'Guy' has said?!

I'd have thought it should have come via your line manager, certainly not HR.

I'd have questioned them on it as in "you seriously want me to take sick leave for menstrual cramps?!"

Bizarre

[ChrisPrattsFace]

OP, YABU, obviously you need to stop menustraying because you're making him whey uncomfortable. He has every right to delve into your personal business....
I'd have a follow up / strong worded email sent to HR if that was me!

[coffeecoffee14]

OMG!!! That is bloody ridiculous (no pun intended). That guy overreacted like an immature 12 year old! HR were ridiculous too.
I feel your pain today 😭

[Whatsername17]

I'd put in a complaint. You didn't disclose a medical condition, you simply said you were using the hot water bottle for pain relief. Guy needs to stop clutching his pearls.

[KoalaDownUnder]

And yes, HR were massive dicks as well.

Why on earth didn't they tell Guy it's no big deal? Instead of pandering to the sensitive ickle wickle man being offended by the vaguest allusion to MONTHLIES.

[Guitargirl]

Guy is a weird fucker and your HR department are an absolutely useless shower who clearly don't have enough work to do.

[halcyondays]

I wouldn't care if someone had a hot water bottle in a meeting, but have you tried those heat patches? They are great for period pains, you can get them in Poundland.

[Groupie123]

Do you have a complaint process for HR? If not go straight to your CEO and explain you experienced sex discrimination from your head of HR as you were called out on having menstrual cramps when other colleagues have had their illnesses brushed over. Document it all.

[MikeUniformMike]

Periods aren't a medical problem. Jesus, what next, will you get sent home because you need a pee.