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AIBU?

Egg Donation.

12 replies

LoKeKi · 06/07/2017 13:08

NC'd just in case.

We want to have children, but now is not the right time, maybe next year. We've pretty much decided we will go down the egg donation route, even though we will be eligible for IVF on the NHS. I am totally fine with the decision to wait (this is about wanting to have children first).

However, I really want to donate my eggs this year - I feel like it's wasteful not too; a few months ago I wasn't really sure if we'd be able to have children or not and those feelings were awful. I don't think I've felt anything like not knowing if we could, or thinking it had been taken away from us - I took it really badly.

The other thing is, I've got a pretty long history of sexual abuse, and I am very weary of medical procedures; I have complex PTSD and I am fine with medical staff once I know them, but I find situations around receiving treatment, being in hospital, having tests and being touched really triggering. So starting a pregnancy with going through IVF for the first time isn't really something I am looking forwards too, even though I know it's what I have to do if I want children. I've been thinking that to do an egg donation cycle first, without having any embryos transferred back to me (ie. donate all my eggs) would actually possibly make this IVF process easier when we come to do it with the intention of getting pregnant.

AIBU to even be thinking about this? I can't find anywhere if it will decrease my chances of having children in the future or whether I can only donate eggs once which is information I really need to view first, but if those both come back as answered OK, do you think I am being unreasonable to go and ahead and donate an entire cycle of eggs?

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LoKeKi · 06/07/2017 13:10

Should just add, I realise I can donate eggs to 10 families, but don't understand if there's a limit on the number of cycles other than live births in 10 different families

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LoKeKi · 06/07/2017 16:28

Perhaps this wasn't the best place for this; I'll post it elsewhere.

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Leilaniii · 06/07/2017 16:32

It depends first and foremost on why you need IVF. Sorry to be blunt, but will your eggs be good enough?

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LoKeKi · 06/07/2017 16:36

Ah, sorry, yes, no issue with my eggs or my fertility. I've previously had an ectopic and there are issues with sperm; hence why IVF would be chosen.

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Italiangreyhound · 06/07/2017 16:45

Lokeki it's really kind of you to want to donate eggs but with all you will have going on, not sure it will be good for you. Y'all to a clinic if you wish to. You seem a bit hung up on how many times you can do this etc.

I'd say you need to talk to a professional.

What are your reasons for waiting and how old are you?

All the very best.

(Just FYI we have a dd conceived with IUI. Then I had two fresh and one frozen cycle with donor eggs, as a recipient, sadly not successful; and then we adopted ds.)

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Italiangreyhound · 06/07/2017 16:46

Talk not Y all.

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Cutesbabasmummy · 06/07/2017 16:51

You really need to sit down and discuss this with a clinic. Egg collection can be unpleasant. You will need to undergo counselling first. How would you feel if you are not able to conceive via ivf but several of your donor eggs go on to produce children? Normally people share eggs at the same time as undergoing ivf - its less invasive for the woman. How does your partner feel about this? The egg collection process is probably harder physically than embryo transfer. I used donor eggs and it was really pretty painless an minimally invasive. Hae a good long think about this because from where I'm standing it doesn't sound like a good idea.

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Newtothis2017 · 06/07/2017 16:52

I felt this way before I had my first dc by ivf. I would say it is lovely to feel this way. But have your family first and then see how you feel.

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2014newme · 06/07/2017 16:52

Egg retrieval is an invasive process done under a general anaesthetic. It also involves a lot of vaginal ultrasound scans.

Are you sure that with your ptsd this is a good idea?

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Italiangreyhound · 06/07/2017 17:01

Agree with Cutesbabasmummy and newme.

If you are egg sharing for fertility treatment for your own baby, you would undergo this as part of your own treatment.

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JsOtherHalf · 06/07/2017 17:14

Egg collection isn't usually done under general anaesthetic in this country?

I would say no; I wouldn't put myself through it again casually. The transfer was fine in comparison.

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LoKeKi · 07/07/2017 08:35

Thanks for the responses and thoughts; it's very helpful to read other people's ideas, suggestions and feelings.

The clinic we plan to use has said I can have additional counselling; I am going to take them up on that. PTSD is pretty good at the moment - and I was fine with dealing with the ectopic from a PTSD point of view. Although that may just be because everything happened quite quickly. I actually had no issue with the vaginal ultrasound scans weirdly enough. I didn't find them difficult or uncomfortable.

However, as those of you who have been through it have said it isn't something you would put yourself through casually I am going to have a serious think about this (and the counselling) before I go any further. I had perhaps underestimated how much was involved with the physical side of egg collecting.

Reason's for us waiting (Im 30) are due to finances, changing jobs, moving house, and a couple of other things (can't really go into detail as outing). Really feel that next summer is best at the moment.