To give a speed limit to DH

[MissCommunication]

Or never get in the car with him with the kids again?

We were going away to Europe for a week. DH was going to drive a couple of days before us and me and DS (nearly 5) and dd (10months) were going to fly and he would pick us up from the airport. Sadly dd got an ear infection on Monday and doctor advised me not to fly due to the risk of a perforated eardrum. She went on antibiotics on the tuesday and was grand within 15 minutes. All hail the antibiotic. Doctor said going away was OK as long as she was still improving (I spoke to him again on Friday morning, as I wanted to double check...driving to tunnel Friday night) and we could fly ten days later picking up our original return flight.

So far so good. Tunnel great, overnight in calais, stop every couple of hours, kids play in playgrounds at services, overnight in Germany. The Autobahn. DH has a Very Fast Big Car. Due to luggage DS in front seat and dd and I in back. I become very uncomfortable when speedo reaches 120mph. Yes. DH says he's been very controlled. Hasn't gone above 130 (tongue in cheek...I was asleep for a bit while kids slept too) so didn't see. But then I did see. 133mph. I couldn't say anything because DH was concentrating and a bit grumpy and I decided that causing an argument at that speed was suicide and manslaughter so I kept schtum. But I never want to go in his car again. We fly tomorrow and frankly if he wants to risk wrapping himself around something nasty that's fine (well not, obvs, but YKWIM) buthe he's not taking me and the babes with him.

I want to sit him down and say we don't get in his car ever again unless he slows the fuck down. We are in a very tricky place maritally right now and I know it'll cause a row but he only does because he knows he can. It's insanity irresponsible and fucking selfish. What do I say? Other than what I already have...but non-inflammatory???

[NuffSaidSam]

You could try and sit down with him and explain that it made you very uncomfortable and you'd really like him to stay within the speed limit/at a sensible speed. Only you know how he would react to that.

Does he speed generally or was he just 'joining in' with the fast driving on the autobahn?

[Baalam]

It's quite hard to drive slowly on the autobahn but 133mph sounds a bit suicidal.

[Blogwoman]

Totally feel your pain OP, as I'm trying to work through something similar... I wonder if you doing the driving would be an option. I've never truly got to grips with driving so this isn't a solution for me. After some conversations that got nowhere, I wrote down what I felt & read it to DH. It was a way of making sure I had my thoughts in order & saying what I wanted to say. I tried to write about what I felt rather than a list of accusations. I was listened to. I have avoided going in the car completely. But it feels like the elephant in the room...& it's an issue that will come up again.

[Blogwoman]

Meant to add, I was listened to but we didn't reach any agreement about it. DH has not acknowledged a problem, or not one that he is responsible for!

[sharklovers]

YABVU at 130 on a derestricted autobahn you'll have folk coming past you at much higher speeds. I haven't seen the magic double ton over there yet but I will, where safe and legal obviously.