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AIBU?

DP cheated.

65 replies

user1498563254 · 27/06/2017 12:54

Sorry for long post..
so as not to dripfeed- I was abused very badly as a child which resulted in me being sent to a grouphome.. DP knows this and has been aware since we met
We have another friend- "Anne" (not real name)
DP and me have been apart (in different counties) for a while, and i came over to surprise him.. found him in bed with anne.. right in the middle of sex. not sure what to do. DP keeps apologising and telling me how guilty he feels.
WIBU to stay with him?? he says he is sorry and i feel so bad

OP posts:

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Giddyaunt18 · 28/06/2017 14:00

Oh well done, he is so not worth it.

innagazing · 27/06/2017 23:27

Well done for being strong and finishing it. No one deserves to be cheated on like this, and luckily you are in a good position without children and a mortgage etc. so it is easier to walk away. It probably doesn't feel like that at the moment, but please trust all the posters on here who have been through these sorts of things.
Believe in yourself and don't ever settle for second best- in a boyfriend or your friends. You deserve more and you owe it to yourself to find someone who will love and respect you. Cheating on you with a friend of yours is doubly awful for you, and this won't have been the first time, or his last time if you hadn't caught him at it.
I'm glad you're with friends who are supporting you. Good and loyal friends are hard to come by, so value them. Stay strong and I hope you find happiness in your life.

Esspee · 27/06/2017 21:52

Well done OP. Please stick with your decision. You deserve much better.

Bumshkawahwah · 27/06/2017 21:13

Good for you! Please believe in yourself, that you are worth more than this. I don't want to sound patronizing but I think you have made a great step towards valuing yourself and not limiting yourself to a life linked to someone you can't completely trust.

hellomoon · 27/06/2017 20:30

Well done OP.

You know you are worth more than the pair of them put together. I mean... who treats the people they love with such utter disregard?

You don't need bullshit like that in your life.

notlikecherrycola · 27/06/2017 20:30

speaking from experience dont take him back i did after I found out my so was cheating and now 2 kids and 5 year later im in the same situation again. I wish i had never took him back leopards dont change there spots . hope your ok

PeaFaceMcgee · 27/06/2017 20:30

Best wishes, it gets easier - pleased you have good friends x

BastardGoDarkly · 27/06/2017 20:27

Oh, bloody good call User < applauds users wise friends >

Want2beme · 27/06/2017 20:18

Good luck to you. It's not an easy thing to do, but after time it'll get easier for you and you'll be happy.

user1498563254 · 27/06/2017 20:03

thanks all x
"D"P is now ex boyfriend and i hope we will be happier for it
have spent the day with two friends and they are both helping me get back on my feet

OP posts:

Giddyaunt18 · 27/06/2017 17:35

I am so sorry. I am glad you don't have children together, it will be easier to walk away and find someone who truly loves and respects you.

Bumshkawahwah · 27/06/2017 17:00

This is a person who, instead of doing his utmost to make you always feel safe, who knows your background and insecurities, put himself and what he wanted to do first. This is not a kind person...this is a person who did not give enough of a shit about you. And it is someone who I will guarantee is lying through his teeth right now.

You are only 20. Please don't be the woman who stays with this man, has kids with him and feels trapped at 30 or 40 years old with a serial cheater. He has shown you who he is...someone who doesn't care nearly enough about you.

RB68 · 27/06/2017 16:32

Be grateful he showed you his real self. He is a cheat - she is a cheat, you do sound like your self confidence is low, and after what you have been through not suprised. You need to learn about yourself and learn to trust yourself and get yourself set up in life. It does sound like you need a confidence coach type counsellor - not sure what if anything you have had but worth a conversation with your GP in a broad way.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 27/06/2017 16:25

Like Judge Judy says
" everybody always gets caught on their first time of doing something wrong. what are the chances of That? "

He's taking your kindness for weakness.

PollytheDolly · 27/06/2017 16:20

Bin the shithouse.

You are 20 and can get out of this. Please do. Plenty of help and advice here from those that know. Please take it.
There's someone out there for you who is perfect for you. He isn't. She isn't. Take out the trash and live your life. You only get one xx

OliviaBenson · 27/06/2017 15:01

I'm sorry but I also don't believe this was the first time. It's classic cheaters script.

It's natural to want things to go back to the way they were but they won't now. You need to end it. He's not the person you thought he was.

Sending hugs op.

hellomoon · 27/06/2017 14:54

OP, I'm so sorry to hear that one of the first 'kind' people to you has betrayed you in this way.

And it is a betrayal.

Anne might well say it is all her fault, but that just isn't possible, unless he did not consent. It is his fault. He was the one in a relationship.

You are very young with your life ahead of you - that might not mean much now, but it's true.

Do you have any support in RL to help you come to terms with the trauma you suffered as a child and what has happened now? You deserve much, much more than your experiences may well have led you believe.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/06/2017 14:50

"fucked up once"? That would be an incredible coincidence, wouldn't it?

You happen to walk in just as he's shagging her for the very first time. There was no preamble, no kissing or other stuff on other occasions. They just got into bed the very first time they cheated and you caught them. And she's invested enough to text you about it.

snoopypoodle · 27/06/2017 14:47

Op I'm not much older than you (25 now) and trust me when I say you want to get as far away as possible!
It might seem like he's the only one right now but it's because his the only one you know.
It's ok saying its a 'one time fuck up' but if you think about it they met up behind your back, went from the communal room to the bedroom, got undressed and had sex. He did not slip and fall, he was not drunk (it wouldn't have been justifiable anyway) and he knows your history yet he still made the conscious decision to do that with your "friend".
Like many posters have said, he's only sorry he got caught.
And how is it all Anne's fault? Did she cast a spell? Hypnotise him maybe? Is she so irresistible he was left with no choice but to bed her?

If these people had any respect for you this situation would have never taken place.

This is only my personal opinion thinking back to what I was like a few years ago.
I think you need time out, might be worth talking to a professional (not in the light of your past but because I had a v hard situation recently and talking to someone objective and non biased really helped), you need to find your(single)self.
You are 20 you've got everything ahead of you. And there is someone out there who will treat you with respect and dignity you're more than entitled to and that's not your "D" P.
If I was in your shoes and did not walk away I know I would be very unhappy in the future, what he did would replay over and over in my mind and everything else he'd say to me would feel fake.

TooGood2BeFalse · 27/06/2017 14:37

No, your opinion of him is understandably crowded by the fact that you just caught him in bed with your 'friend'. Your background does not make your feelings any less worthwhile or valid.

You are 20!No children!For god's sake run now, you deserve better but you WILL NOT FIND IT if you stay with him.

Want2beme · 27/06/2017 14:30

OP so sorry you're going through this. It's an awful time for you. At the risk of sounding cynical, I would say, that through life you do learn that your DP may not always be the person you want them to be and you have to make changes to your life because of this. However, change is a good thing. You don't need someone like him to mess with your head, cause you pain and be unfaithful throughout your relationship. Can you be sure that this is the first time he's done something like this?

Sunshinegirls · 27/06/2017 14:27

This is going to sound harsh but if he loved you it wouldn't have happened at all, first time, hundredth time doesn't mean anything. I know you want to try and cling to what you think you had, this is a huge kick in the teeth and you will be in shock. Honestly, no good will come of going back with him. You will never trust him again, anytime his phone rings, every time you are apart, you will be suspicious of him forever. This would destroy you. Don't do that to yourself.

BeanSprout79 · 27/06/2017 14:25

LTB (my first one). You will NEVER be able to trust him out of your sight after that. He's only sorry because he's been caught and he will keep doing it if you let him. Don't let him walk all over you, you are better than that.

user1498563254 · 27/06/2017 14:21

i really believe it is the first time- he's never showed any signs or anything but im so worried my background is crowding my opinions of him as he was one of the first kind people

OP posts:

PeaFaceMcgee · 27/06/2017 14:20

Nobbers. Phone off.

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